Title pretty much.

[[Edit] GUYS!!! WTH I can't believe over 600 people have responded! This blows my mind. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm still scared but have better information. Things I never thought of.

To answer a common question, I got the crappy roll of genetics on my heart. I've taken huge measures to get as healthy as I can, lost weight, changed my diet EVEN taken up roller skating (not blades). And I want to get back into it ASAP (which means next year with recovery time).

I promise to make an update post when I can on Saturday or Sunday. I'm leaving for my surgery as soon as I hit save for this edit. TTFN ans thank you all so much.]]

I could use some general encouragement and words of advice form anyone who's been through this themselves or with a loved one.

I have to go to bed and am posting this to wake up to a notification or 2 in the morning.

I'm staring at my ceiling just wondering what the hell I'm going to do.

You do not need the whole day figured out.

Start with the thing in front of you.

You do not owe the whole staircase today.

One step that is actually finished.

I was truly having one of those days where i didn’t want to get out of bed. It’s rainy and dreary and I just wanted to stay curled up and go back to sleep. Talked myself into it because I missed yesterday due to a chronic pain flair (from the rainy weather) and this was my view upon arrival.

So after a few weeks of improving my (20M) self, stopping porn, masturbation, bedrotting, doomscrolling, and unhealthy habits in general, today I threw most of it away by spending basically the whole day watching the porn I quit and not eating anything in that time...

Now I feel ill in my whole body, (yes I ate something) and my brain is telling me to just give in and lay down and rot in bed. That there's no point in trying to be better because I will fail, and that I'll never even get better because of how much I "enjoy" failure. How do I not feel like a massive hypocrite?