I’ve been seeing a woman for about three weeks. Four dates so far, all genuinely good. They usually run 3-4 hours, conversation is easy, there’s physical affection, and she has initiated two of the dates herself.

The confusing part is that between dates she basically disappears.

No random messages, no memes, no “how was your day,” nothing. We’ll confirm plans and that’s about it.

On our last date I finally mentioned it, not as a complaint, just because I couldn’t tell whether she liked texting.

She said she actually avoids texting people she’s newly dating on purpose. Her reasoning was that she has had situations where she texted someone constantly for a few weeks, built this huge sense of closeness, then realized in person they barely knew each other.

So now she prefers to “build the relationship in real life first.”

I can understand that logically.

Emotionally, though, four silent days after a really good date still makes my brain go, “welp, guess she’s lost interest.”

Would you just adjust to her communication style for now, or is it reasonable to say I’d like a little more contact between dates?

So I (25M) went on a date with a girl (24F) a month ago. We met online. No through dating apps. Just similar interest group. We had great conversations through text and then also when we met for a coffee. We didn’t flirt on text but from the way our conversation went, in no way did I ever suspect that she’s not single. So I never really bothered asking her if she has a Bf/husband.
She was really interesting to talk to in person as well. And we were really in a flow when she just suddenly dropped “oh, and I have a husband. Did I tell you I was married?” I just went blank for a moment and didn’t even know what to reply to that because it was totally unexpected. Then I said “no you never bothered to tell me that. That’s great. So who is he and how’s your married life?” And during this whole time, I was rethinking our conversation on text and feeling like an idiot for thinking of her as a potential future partner when all she was doing was just talking to a new friend.

Then I thought maybe she’s getting divorced or planning to divorce so I asker her if everything is ok between them and she said she had some issues with her husband and his family before but now everything is fine in their relationship. I didn’t want to make everything awkward so I just went on back foot and just implied that I was also meeting her for a casual conversation and it was nice to meet each other.

She was happy and talkative the whole time and really seemed into me. When I came back from the “date”, she texted me asking me If I had reached home safely and that she will be happy to see me again when I’m free. I told her it was nice to meet her but I’m not gonna be meeting her again because I’m not looking for a friend (I just didn’t want to be friend with someone whom I initially thought of as potential partner and liked her in that way). I told her that the way our conversation goes on texts and the way the date went was in no way just a friendly meetup and I as a guy myself, know that her husband would definitely not be ok with it if he finds out. She said I’m overreacting and that it’s not that big of a deal. This kinda made me feel bad for her husband because I got to know from her that he’s a blue collar and works really hard to provide for her and has been with her since her high school years. They don’t have any kids.
What I’m suspecting is that she’s just not into her husband anymore and just looking for an “upgrade” to a white collar partner who has a more respectable job and higher career potential because she herself is more educated than him.
Since our last date, she’s been continuously asking me to meet again and that she’ll explain everything because she’s having some problems with her husband again. I suspect she’s making it up just to find a reason to meet me and then when she’s sure about us, she can then dump her husband. I’m also thinking maybe she’s bored and just looking for a side kick and never end things with her husband. That would be even more horrible. This whole thing has really messed me up and I’m really confused about my feelings and how to proceed with this?
Should I find a way to talk her husband? Should I trust her that she’s having problems with her husband suddenly?(potentially abuse?) should I see a potential partner and spend the rest of my life with someone who can cheat on/drop her husband just like that? Should I block her and move on?
I really like her personality and looks wise she’s my type and I’m attracted to her. But I’m not willing to help her cheat on her hard working husband and I’m also not sure if I should consider someone like that as my future wife. But I’m also ready to date her if she’s actually having issues in her marriage and after she divorces but I think her going on dates without even initiating the divorce process will definitely stuck with me.
And before you say she’s just thinking of me as a friend, no she’s not. I have female friends and I can easily differentiate between a friend and someone who’s more than that. She doesn’t flirt on text(maybe afraid of her husband finding out?) but was super flirty in person before dropping the “I have a husband” bomb.

Edit 1: ok calm down everyone I re-arranged the whole post into paragraphs, so you can read it more clearly. I just wrote it in a hurry and didn’t think much of it and also I’m not a good writer. I’m an ML Engineer at a startup and my brain is half fried after work.

Edit 2: no I’m not looking to bang someone’s wife. That’s terrible advice and I really feel bad for the husband if he’s not abusive and is just a regular hard working dude. Also if it matters, I respect myself and only been in one relationship when I was 17 to 21. She cheated on me and since then I’ve never been in a relationship and was just focused on studies and building my career. I now work as an ML Engineer at a startup with good pay and equity and on a track to what I believe a good career trajectory.

Edit 3: I told all of this to my friend and showed him our conversation before the date on my phone and he said she seems like a really good person and might be in an abusive relationship but in person she seems nothing like it and is a very happy, cheerful and talkative person. My friend also suggested I should step aside and introduce her to him and and I might do that cuz I don’t want nothing to do with a married woman and specially a cheater because of my own personal experience with cheating.

Edit 4: After reading some comments here, I felt like some of you might be thinking I was misreading the situation and she might be seeing me as just a friend even though I was sure I wasn’t. So I just got off call with her(we never talked on call before) and she said she likes me and is actually interested in dating. She said she married super young and has “grow apart” from her husband. But she’s not getting a divorce anytime soon until she finds a job and is financially independent.
She said if that’s not what you are looking for then I completely understand. And yes it’s not what I’m looking for so now I have a decision to make, find out about her husband and tell him everything and that his wife is looking for a way out and then block her or just leave peacefully and wish her a good day. Also I’m not passing her along to my friend because 1- I don’t wanna help someone cheat and 2- I don’t want to ever have to see her again because I liked her and its gonna be awkward if she ends up with my friend. So help me make a decision.

So, I (23F) and went on 2 dates with this man (25M).

We met online so on our first date I gave him a handshake in the beginning (I always do that with new people) and introduced myself. At the end of the first date we hugged.

At the beginning of the 2nd date we hugged again, but nothing more during the date. At the end, we were in transport and when I hugged him we almost fell so it was a longer hug. At that moment he made really long and deep eye contact but I was a little bit shy so I didn't make too much eye contact.

After the first date he called me beautiful, pretty, and after the second one breathtaking (not randomly, talking about the date in text/me sending a selfie of myself etc). He also said after I brought up the "awkward" hug that he enjoyed it and was the best thing in his day.

I'm starting to think he might be a really big beginner in dating, or just shy to do anything physical.

Should I initiate something more when we meet?

I'm not used to initiating the first moves like holding hands, kiss on the cheek/lips, touching the his arms etc, guys I dated always made the moves at the 2nd or 3rd date.

I can see and feel he is attracted to me and I'm also attracted to him. But he is not really good at flirting (I find it cute) and doesn't seem like a really touchy person.

I was thinking maybe touching his arms while laughing, walking? Just naturally. Or randomly giving a kiss on his cheeks during the date/at the and after hugging? (I have a scenario in my head I would say if he asks why did he get that kiss), or just make really deep eye contact?

Or should I wait till he takes the first step?

Tl;Dr: Guy I'm seeing won't make a move after 2 dates

What are some subtle or indirect signs that a girl is physically attracted to you or finds you good-looking?
I’m not talking about obvious things like flirting or directly saying she likes you. I mean small behaviors, body language, the way she interacts with you, eye contact, etc.
What signs have you personally noticed that made you realize a girl was attracted to you?

Follow up to the other days "why do men show no interest and then kiss"

When you think of "women want to be left alone" "everything makes women uncomfortable" "don't treat women like sexual objects"... this is all primarily with strangers.

THE 3 BIG NO'S ON DATES

• no sexual jokes/talk (including innuendo) until you know she likes them/where her line is... if thats like a huge part of your personality then honestly I would ask if that would make her uncomfortable, straight up. Like ask about her sense of humor and what makes her laugh most- or just share what makes you laugh most without making the joke. If she doesnt expressly say she thinks those jokes are funny, don't do it.

• no groping. Pass her the salt or a napkin to break the touch barrier subtly, or do other tiny or near touches that come naturally. If you are heavily making out then you can also test the boundaries.

• no overt staring at chest.

• some women will be nervous about other things, you standing between her and the exit, you sitting too closely (best way to test the sitting too closely could be to sit closish enough your legs touch, apologize and give her a bit of space and watch her reaction). There could be a thousand other things that could make women uncomfortable- and maybe women can share

-----‐‐-----------

A kiss is NOT how you gauge someone's interest.

You should know before the kiss. There should be enough chemistry and interest shown from both sides that a kiss feels like the natural next step. Not a panic gesture.

This is for ON A DATE.

The Date agreement means she's (usually) at least 51% interested in you, vs a random woman on the street who is 0% interested in you.

When a woman is past 50%, it means that non sexual flirting or compliments will not have you taken to court. And 99% you won't be mocked for telling her she's pretty.

(She probably assumes you're also at at least 51%, so she is also actively reading how much interest you are showing. If you aren't actively engaging with her, looking her in the eye, that number will drop in her head until it hits 0% again. If you ask for a kiss after that, it feels like whiplash.)

Firstly: "showing interest" should never be overtly sexual at first, literally ever, but it can grow to that eventually depending on the couple. If you think "attraction" or "female attention" and your mind goes straight to sex, then we need to give space between seeing a woman and thinking about sex.

You are most likely meeting a total stranger who agreed to a date. Agreeing to a date means she's curious about romantic options with you. You are giving her a preview into what that relationship would be like. This is why its very important to not go from being completely neutral to trying to touch lips and exchange fluids(saliva which happens in a kiss). That tells her there will be zero romance or fun or foreplay in the relationship.

What going straight to a kiss is like:

Doing absolutely nothing to show romantic interest (not sexual), then trying for a kiss is like standing outside someone's door, forgetting to knock, then suddenly trying to kick it in. If you build slowly, there will be almost no nerves and just excitement for the kiss... you knocked, she asked who is it, you said your name, she opens the door and all you have left between you is the screen door and the kiss becomes her stepping out onto the porch with you for the kiss. (Going inside the house would be sex, going in without an invitation is grape).

WHAT YOU BEHAVIOUR DISPLAYS:

• Negative: being overtly sexual at all at first, touching any remotely private area, intimidating, being stubborn and forcing your way or your desires, yelling, refusing eye constant, being disgruntled, going silent or refusing to participate when participation is expected, being rude to anyone, crossing boundaries (you are not entitled to anything or anyone, you will have to work for everything, internalize this to dampen frustration- as little as having to find a bathroom and struggling to do so, work for it.)

• Neutral: simply NOT doing the negative behaviors and not doing any of the positives either. This is how you would act to a coworker who could get you fired if you looked at her funny, but also if you avoided her too hard in the break room.

• General positive: eye contact, smiling when you see her at first and listening, not interrupting her, asking her questions. 'Actively listen' (look this up if you need to').

• Showing interest in her: follow up questions about what she is talking about, getting curious about her and her life experience. Considering her needs on the date: napkins, salt, water, space, silence. Also, all that stuff you shove down when just walking around in public, you can just show her- glance over her hair/shoulder/shirt face if it's pretty (just don't fantasize about her). Mentioning something you have in common and that you like that- or even just something about her that you like "it's cool that you have ______ hobby, tell me more" or "it's cool that you're close with your family".

• Baby steps of flirting: compliment her on something non physical and one physical thing, When you hand her a napkin/salt it's ok of your hands touch. Lean closer to hear to her better. Look across her face and smile if you like it. "I'm having a good time" "sorry I'm a little nervous because you're so pretty", "I like talking to you" "I like hearing what you have to say" (not all of these! Just a couple sprinkled in is more than enough!). Ultimately, if you like her, show it, however it comes naturally without doing the "do not do's".

Not baby step: If you're in a crowded place, touch her shoulder or midback to 'not lose each other'.

Now, remember to do these according to what feels most natural to you. I'd encourage you to do a little exercise where you imagine you are on a date a pick some of these behaviors that feel comfortable and imagine doing them well and receiving smiles in return.

This goes throughout romantic relationships, always... it is like owning a vehicle. It will break down if you do not do the upkeep. Romance and affection, and eventually housework(which goes for all roomates) is the gas and oil. Stop checking and stop filling the tank and it will stop working.

TLDR: if she's agreed to a date with you, she is likely 51% interested, so stop treating her like a stranger/coworker where you have to think "can't show any interest whatsoever". There are levels to interest to show as I mentioned. If you show only Neutral signs(ie only not negative signs), then trying going for a kiss, she will most likely think you just want sex and don't like her at all.

Edited; midback/shoulder touch might be too much for some women

For context, I'm a straight guy, have trouble making eye contact with a woman around my age unless there is an actual reason to talk to them that's not dating related, and for some reason, my brain makes me feel like it's wrong to be seen by other people ( strangers) looking at a woman I find attractive so I don't even look at them for more than two seconds. Like my eyes dart away before I even have the conscious thought about what I'm doing . It's like a reflex now. Anyone got any ideas on how to fix this ? Much appreciated.

I'm not sure how to get interest from women as a short guy.

I'm 5'7". I've been below average in height all my life, always gotten teased for it especially by girls, but It's especially worse now as an adult. I've been putting myself out there for a while now, and something I've noticed is that women somehow always manage to bring up my height at some point in time and tease me for it. Most recently, a girl I was interested in was teasing me for being "disproportionate" next to my friend who's 5'11". Even he thought it was weird. And then proceeded to hit on him the entire day.
If it were just her, sure, but at this point It's been multiple women in different occasions at this point, and I feel hopeless asf.

I have no idea what to do. I'm not sure how to go about putting yourself out there as a short guy as it really feels like there's no market for short guys in Gen Z in the US.. It's brutal for me on dating apps and even more brutal in person when I try to socialize.

I was wondering if anyone could offer me some insight on what I can do, if anything? Thanks in advance!

Feel like the only persona I'm allowed to have around women is one with no insecurities or anxieties. The only version of me that has ever been successful with women was macho and quick to joke but that isn't who I am in the slightest.

When I try and act more like myself, no one pays any attention to me. Like women would never look at me if im not acting like a clown to make them look.

Is it too much to ask that I can act like a real human and not a shitty caricature?

Most guys I have been in relationships with (not many, so not much experience) have no common hobbies with me. Yes, there was attraction and sometimes good conversations, but nothing interesting to do together. For example, one was into football and going out to techno concerts and going to fancy places to eat - all of that I don't really care about, while I am into fitness, tennis, rock climbing, cycling, trading - which he wasn't nto.

However, I wasn't really dating to potentially build a life with them. I was young and just going with the flow. But now I am in my thirties and thinking about trying to find a life partner. I meet people I am attracted to, you could even say a bit too much, but no common hobbies.

I've never been in a relationship with a man long enough to get bored with it. But I was younger and just riding on my obsessive love. Now I am more into quality time and not sure if I should consider a relationship with someone with whom there is nothing to do, except have sex, go on occasional dinner dates, and watch Netflix. I mean being in love and lusting for each other is great fun, but doesn't it fade over time? And then what's left?

What is your experience on this? Has anyone had experiences where not having things in common was the reason your relationship got unfulfilling over time? I just cannot find someone with whom there is both crazy chemistry and things in common: only one or the other. Would appreciate if you share your perspectives and experience on the matter.

As much as I dont want to make this post I have to based off so many posts where the answer is clear. Yes I have been in situations where I want the other person to make the right choice and I have destroyed many flower petals asking if they will do it for me only to be disappointed in the end.

I really dont want to blackpill but if someone loves something they will let you know. Asking/demanding/begging them will not make them stay or change. You gotta move on yes it hurts but trust me theres 8 billion people out there and you will find another one you just gotta move on. No matter how many times you throw a chicken it will not end up suddenly flying on its own.

So dont waste your time thinking what if, just move on to the next person and see if they will because eventually you will find them and this person now is wasting your time. You should be spending time meeting new people who may be compatible with you and not with someone you know isnt good for you.

So yeah if she is taking more than 24 hours to respond and if he has not proposed yet, its time to cry, get upset, get angry, say your peace and move on to the next person who will.

I’ve been building this new relationship with this guy (24M) for three months and we’ve been single.
Me (26F) 3 years, him under 1 yr.
He’s now telling me he thinks we should break up, that he’s dragging me through the mud… because he’s still stuck on his ex.
I don’t want to force him, but why is breaking up the option. Any advice for myself dealing with someone emotionally unavailable and or dealing with a break up regarding compassion

I’m single never married no kids, I’ve had a few longer term relationships over the years but now that I’m old am so unwanted that it m not even looked at by a women ? Over the years have been told that I’m a “great guy” but here I sit trying to locate someone that may show some interest . Other than scammers and those trying to push content. Am I viewed that poorly ?

19M - been dating for 1-2months. Hi everyone, I have a 4th date with a girl I’ve been seeing tonight and I need your advice as I’m not sure What i should expect to happen. So we went on open dates for our first few like bowling, shopping etc, but for this date she’s invited me round to her house on a Friday evening and she’s told me her parents are not home and we are watching a movie in her room. I’m not really sure what I should expect from this date as I’m not sure if I should bring protection just in case. I’m Quite new to this dating life so still getting used to it. shes quite a shy girl sometimes so I am just not sure. partly due to my fault and me being nervous we havent kissed yet i wiild of done this sooner but there wasn’t a right time. Let me know what you all think!

thanks

I see it a lot on dating apps the phrase “deep conversations only, I HATE small talk” and it’s a bit confusing.

Like the quality of conversations varies constantly even with the same person. You only have a deep conversation in comparison to others. And it doesn’t necessarily feel like an endless wellspring. I have a pretty solid grasp on what I want out of life and my dreams so to constantly be having conversations about it seems redundant I feel like I can make my point across.

It also just feels like a more emotional fulfillment version of skipping straight to sex? You also need to build trust and rapport with people to have those conversations. I’m not pulling that shit on an ALDI cashier.

Finally there’s genuine joy in the small things too, I can’t really learn many good gift ideas out of a massive philosophical debate. Like there’s a couple in there but not a lot

There's a girl at my co-working space who I've noticed looking at me a few times and I've done the same. Yesterday, she sent me a LinkedIn connection request and viewed my profile 3–4 times in about 2 hours (I have Premium, so I get notified when someone views my profile and she'd likely know that too, since it's common knowledge for LinkedIn users). I thought she'd send me a text but didn't. I was planning to just say hi and introduce myself in person but her office was closed today, so that didn't happen.

Now I'm debating whether to message her on LinkedIn or on Instagram (found her account pretty easily since she has a uncommon name). Part of me wants to say something like "thought I'd one up you" as an icebreaker. Since she sent the LinkedIn request first, I was thinking of sending her one on Instagram, as a way of "matching" what she did rather than waiting around

Is this a good idea, or does it come off as too forward? Would LinkedIn be the better platform, or should I just wait and talk to her in person next time I see her? Any advice on how to approach this without underplaying it would help.

I met a man online and we talked for about 5 months. Everything was going really well, and I genuinely started considering a future with him. He gave me his number, and I eventually found out his full name.
This past Sunday, something told me to search his name and his town. I was completely shocked when I discovered that he is on the sex offender registry and is required to register for life after being convicted of soliciting a minor for sex. I also found out that he lost his career because of it. And I’d like to mention I am a mom so that was a major red flag for me.
I went through so many emotions, especially because we had been talking for months and he never told me. I ultimately blocked him because I couldn’t understand how someone could talk about building a future with me while withholding something this major.

Has anyone else ever discovered something this serious about someone they were dating/talking to? What did you do?

So Ive been dating this girl, weve gone on about 4 dates now and i had her over at my place for dinner. She recently asked me how I felt about someone following a lot of men on Instagram. I told her it doesn’t really make me insecure but it can be a bit concerning. I asked the question right Beck to her and she said she would have a problem if a guy followed a bunch of models. I recently went through her instagram following and she does follow a concerning amount of attractive male models who post predominantly shirtless photos, she does seem a little bit boy crazy. She is also very active on Instagram and comments and reposts a lot on videos. This does seem concerning to me but I’m not sure if it should be something as a valid reason to cut things off. I would appreciate advice thanks

I usually match with people who answer to my prompts on hinge. So I matched with a guy who had similar originals as me but grew up in a country where I am currently living now. So the first thing he did was making fun of the accent of people from my country. I didn't react much to that, then he asked me to send a voice message, and when he heard that he made fun of my accent again. He told me how I was pronouncing some words incorrectly. Then he started talking about the people he has in his office from my country and how they don't mingle with everyone. There was a kid crying in the background and he said "shut the f**k up b*tch". That was really off putting for me. I have a PhD in computer science, and he started asking me fundamental questions related to that when I was too tired and he tried to show that I am dumb. I know I can be dumb sometimes but I don't think I need to be told about that on a dating app. I feel like my standards are too low at this point. I am still thinking about giving him a chance because I haven't been able to secure a date, but I feel like it will be a bad idea. Shall I stop talking to him? We moved to another texting app, I haven't messaged him since yesterday...shall I just block him or shall I send one final text?

Throwing this out because I'm going in circles in my own head.

I (32M) was seeing a woman (46F) for about three months. We were actually friends first and knew each other for two years, so there was a real foundation. It felt rare -genuine alignment, humor, the kind of connection where you both get to see sides of each other most people don't. She hadn't been with anyone in about two years and opened up to me in a way that felt like it meant something. When she was traveling for three weeks we texted warmly every single day.

She had a lot going on — a surgery coming up, bad jet lag, exhaustion and kids. The reunion after her trip felt a little off, but I chalked it up to everything she was dealing with.

Then one morning she was texting me normally, warm, sorting out logistics ahead of her surgery and a few hours later she ended it by text (text below). She said it wasn't anything recent, just "on the whole, overall" she couldn't move forward. Asked me to keep our time together private and not mention her to mutual friends. Wished me well. That was it. No conversation, no chance to actually talk.

Friday 10:00 AM
"my sister will drive me and stay with me so you don't have to deal with girl surgery things. Thank you so much for the offer "

Friday 1:30 PM
"I won't be able to move forward. It isn't anything particularly recent but rather on the whole, overall. I would like us to keep our time together private; I am asking that you don't mention my name to any friends or acquaintances and I'll extend the same privacy and grace to you. I genuinely wish you the best, we had some good times. Take care."

I didn't respond, didnt know what to say and have been going through different emotions, heartbreak, but also frustration at how little regard she had in her message and was more focus on her social image. It's been about two weeks. I've held complete silence. This past weekend I posted some stories of myself out DJing, having fun. A couple days later she unfollowed me on Instagram.

A mutual friend told me this is a pattern for her — she's cut people off completely before, even friends, my therapist says it sounds like she is avoidant.

I'm stuck on a few things and I'd genuinely like outside perspective, especially from people who've been on either side of this:

• Does an ending like this usually mean it was never that real, or can someone leave like this because it got real?
• I keep feeling like there was a window right after where I could have said something and it would've changed things. Is that a real thing or am I fooling myself? Is it tool late to say something two weeks later?
• Part of me worries she thinks I don't care because I never responded to her message and she unfriended me from Instagram as a result. Does that even matter at this point?

I'm trying to understand what happened and how to actually move on. Any perspective from other women would means lots thank you. Appreciate any honest takes.

I (33M) just got the text last night from another former Hinge match telling me that while I was incredibly sweet, she didn't think we were really compatible. This is far from the first time this has happened, and I'm beginning to wonder if I have a case of Nice Guy Syndrome.

What I mean by that is, I always seem to impress my dates with how kind and outgoing and sweet I am, but never with actual romantic gestures. In short, I'm great at friendly banter, but not flirting and that kind of thing. So, like with the girl I mentioned above (whom I went on a 1st date with two weeks ago), I end up being thought of as a nice guy and not a potential romantic partner.

My real question, then, is what can I do to change all that? I don't want to be trapped in a cycle of "Meet new girl; hit it off via text; set up a date; fumble the date because I'm too nice; get dumped" for the rest of my life. What sorts of experiences does this forum have that can be applied to my situation as lessons to learn from?

I just turned 30 a week ago and as I look back on my life I feel like ill probably be single forever. Im a short 5'3 filipino man. Ive been on dating apps for years and ive never gotten a match that wasnt a bot or a girl wanting more followers on her social media. Ive probably liked thousands of girls profiles over the years where sometimes ill swipe right on every profile to the point where I run out of likes and start the whole process over again the next day. I always get told its a numbers game but yet all I do is swipe right on profiles and have been doing it for awhile now but I dont even get likes at all.

I feel like when I talk to other guys about this its like im living in a different world than they are. They've talked about how they dm'ed a girl and managed to get a relationship out of that or a girl they randomly met somewhere came up and talked to them. They talk about girls messaging them on their socials or commenting on their posts. It feels baffling the idea that someone i like liking me back and yet these guys have had that happen to them a lot. Ive been rejected by every girl ive ever asked out and ive never had a girl wver show interest in me.

I wish i could be an unemotional dude who doesnt care or have feelings for romance but I just feel completely depressed and saddened that I might never get to experience romance or a relationship in my life.

So I (28F) had a date last night. I'm sort of 50/50 on if I want to continue with this guy by just giving him one more chance (maybe leaning toward no) and genuinely want some insight if I may be overreacting to some of this stuff. My friends genuinely think my standards are too high and that I should give him another shot, but it's just... I don't know.

Anyway.

So we met on Tinder, chatted a bit, moved to chat more on Instagram. The dude is 35 years old. We both live in Stockholm. He's originally from Australia.

He seemed fun and interesting over chat. Knew quite a bit about some of my stupid movie references in my jokes. We liked the same video games.

We decided to meet up for dinner. Then decided to go back to his place. Didn't have sex. I went home.

Basically, it's hard to describe each of the things that turned me off, so i thought I would genuinely be a little mean and just make a good old-fashioned list.

1. The title. He drove on the date in a Porsche. Okay, some people like fancy cars, whatever. I've never seen the appeal, but doesn't mean he's not allowed to. But when he took me to his place, he genuinely lived in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with 5 men in total, ranging from 21 to 40 years old. His bedroom had three beds, one for him and two for other dudes, one of whom was there. Hence, I am a bit worried about his sense of finances. I would much rather use the public transport (which is great in Stockholm) or even have a crappy car and invest more into my personal space. I don't know, it just felt, eh...
2. His instagram handle is firstnameWINlastname. Like JohnWINSmith. Idk, a bit of an ick, but if it was just this, I'd be able to probably get over it.
3. He took like 5-10 minutes checking the bill with the waiter, thinking he was being charged too much for an extra sauce he ordered, and argued. I paid the whole bill in the end, bc I was genuinely a bit embarrassed. Before I paid though, he texted me from right across the table to the cent how much my order was, which again, I don't mind 50/50 on the bill, but the concept of nickle and diming really annoys me. Dating shouldn't be a bookkeeping job, I'd rather just pay the whole bill. To me 50/50 means more so just taking turns when it comes to paying for dates.
4. He has a part-time day job, and his own hustle. I do too; I teach during the days and run a small publishing agency at night. But his side hustle is literally his TikTok where he films himself with some provocative quote at the front, with a beat drop on the background. Again, if it was just this, maybe I'd be kinda ok with it, but everything combined just turns me off.
5. In his house again, with the other dudes, they didn't really have utensils or mugs or anything because they mostly had takeout. I love to cook, and even though I love also dining out, I don't know – I would love to cook with my partner and if he dislikes it enough to not have utensils, plates, or even pots in the house, again, I am not sure how compatible we are.

Anyway, I am probably not gonna see him again after reading my list back, but I am nervous to tell him. His texts are piling up on my phone and I know I need to make a decision asap. I don't think my standards are that high, but if they are, pls let me know. Can this be worthy of a redemption arc?

I (21M) don’t really have many issues getting dates, but out of my previous relationship I want to switch how I’m meeting people. I may have been doing it to myself but it’s been alot of the time through dating apps (there is still from a class or out in public in the
mix) which I haven’t had any problems with it’s just a lot of the time the people on there aren’t people I’d like do pursue anything with. What’s the best approach to meeting someone moreso “naturally”. I’ll say I do my hobbies by myself and I could find ways to make them social. For context I’m well out of my relationship and took time to myself to process everything. There is no intention of the rebound route.

My boyfriend ‘27M’ and I ‘23F’ have been together for seven months. We see each other every other weekend, and whenever we meet up, we have sex. I really enjoy being intimate with him, but he doesn't seem to understand or care about my needs.
With my ex, after we had sex, he would usually wipe me down and cuddle for a bit. My current boyfriend doesn't do any of that—he just hands me a tissue to clean myself up and immediately starts scrolling on TikTok.
More importantly, there are major issues regarding consent. The second time we had sex, I wasn't turned on, making it painful. I thought I could fake it, but I couldn't. I told him it hurt and tried to stop, but he kept trying to force it while I was physically pushing him off me. It took several attempts to finally get him off. Afterward, he got angry and demanded to know why I was doing that, asking what he fails to do for me that causes a "simple act of sex" to hurt.
A month later, a similar situation happened. He asked if he should just "go buy a hooker" since I wasn't satisfying him as his girlfriend. He apologized later, looking remorseful and claiming he didn't know why he said it.
Two months after that, it happened again. This time, he actually broke up with me over it. Afterward, he begged me not to leave him, claiming he acted impulsively based on his emotions.
I love him, but staying in this relationship makes me feel like I have no self-esteem left.
Is it valid for me to leave him even though I can see he changed his ways and started acting right, and he even proposed me to show he’s willing to make things right? The last time this happened was two months ago. Is it okay to leave now even though so much time has passed after I “forgave” him?