I am turning 30 soon. I have hated most, actually all, of it. I did not really have a good life, had a difficult childhood, hated my college, lost my mother, and became unemployed. But recently, I have realised it was not that bad either. I mean, other people's suffering doesn't make mine any less painful. But others' better lives also don't make mine worse. It can obviously get better, but right now I have quite a good life. I'm living in a tier 1 city, in a good society, in a beautiful place, surrounded by a lot of things I couldn't even dream of before. I am quite happy.

I am technically unemployed, but my finances are covered, so instead of rushing into just any job, I've been able to actually work on my artworks and sell them. It's slow, and there are days it feels uncertain, but it's working, bit by bit. Every small sale feels like proof that this path is worth sticking with, and I'm learning to see this in-between phase as building something of my own instead of just being unemployed.

I am in a loving relationship, for the first time, with a very kind, caring, smart guy. We actually met online, and at one point we drifted apart because he wasn't ready. But he came back and decided to give it another chance, and I'm really glad he did. He respects me, and being with him makes me feel genuinely safe and chosen. We talk things out properly instead of letting stuff sit and fester. We do have our problems, like any couple, but overall it's going really well, and we are always happy together.

So, basically, it's all going well. Just wanted to share. I hope this uplifts someone's mood.

I (26, F) just kinda feel it in my soul that my relationship from a year ago was my last shot to have something like that.

It was rare. So rare. So genuine. Chemistry was insane. I should’ve known what I had when I had it.

No one was the villain.
We just fumbled it both.

It’s been a year of being in my own, then this month, just got back in the apps and being open to dates when someone asks for my IG or number in person… the problem is I get no luck with compatibility and mutual attraction either on the apps or meeting someone organically. It’s always one or the other.

Either I just get sexualized by men whom I’m attracted to or their interest aren’t enough to pursue a relationship with me.

I’m tired, boss. Haha.

I just wanna love and be loved.

I have everything I want. Why does love have to be this hard and elusive for me?

I'm somewhat ensure. I know what I want and have my own internal goals of accomplishments that I want to achieve but without action and timing it means nothing. My question is have you tried manifesting something and actually achieved it?

Everyone tells you your twenties are for "trying things." It's said with this glow, like it's the good part before the seriousness of your thirties locks in. Nobody mentions that trying things is functionally indistinguishable from not knowing what you're doing. That when there's no obvious next step, every step starts looking equally load-bearing, equally capable of being the wrong one.

I finished my master's a month ago thinking it would give me clarity, the way finishing a puzzle gives you a picture. It didn't. It multiplied the puzzle. Now there's the question of a PhD, which requires believing I know what I want to be doing for four years — a confidence I don't currently have about next Tuesday. There's a business idea (there's always a business idea). There's the pull toward a boring 9-5, which feels slightly humiliating to want as badly as I sometimes want it, because wanting stability apparently means giving up on the interesting version of your life.

And underneath all of it is this uglier assumption: that whatever you pick has to be impressive, not just good enough. The business has to scale. The job has to be at the right company. Even rest has to be optimized into something you can talk about at dinner.

I wrote a longer piece trying to work through this (comparing it to a corn maze, actually, you can't see over the hedges, and the growing happens underground before anything's visible), full essay's linked in my profile if anyone wants the whole thing, but mostly I'm curious: is anyone else drowning in open tabs right now, or is it just me?

I have been buying my mom medicine for 5-6 years now and im broke. I used to have a good job and was doing good in life. I changed jobs a couple years back and i have never had the same economics since then.

Since my mom is old and often sick i was usually the one getting her meds. 5 years ago i wrote myself up as authorized to get her medicine, talk to doctors, sign off on medical forms and excetera. Whenever she run out of anything she just told me and i got it to her from the local pharmacy.

Usually it cost around 20-50 usd for each time i get her any meds (around 2 times a month). For the last six month i havent had any job i have been on welfare while trying to get a job. On top of that, last month i completely used up all of my savings. Primarly it was on my sisters wedding and just regular thing for the house and family. Im now dead broke and have 100k in student loans, 1k in credit card debt. And the future doenst look bright.

The other day i took my mum to the doctors for some new illness. She also asked the doctor to renew her prescripction for a medicine she uses. Doctor did, we left and then went to the pharmacy.

The pharmacy is the same one that i have always went to and most of the staff there knows me. I gave the lady behind the counter my id and told her about what medicine i wanted, while my mother was looking around the pharmacy. The pharmacist brought the medicine, bagged it up and asked «is that all?»

I replied «yes» and took out my wallet like i always do. I could see the machine said 256kr (about 25$) and was about to tap my card to pay. Just like i always do.

Then my mom said «wait, is it not free?»

I turned back and looked at my mother. She was genuinly suprised and did not understand why the medicine costed money. I told her its normal.

She still didnt comprehend why, and asked me again «is it not free?»

I understood right then and there. My mom thought that all these years, her medicine was free. She never asked me for the bill, how much it costed, if it was expensive or if it was cheap. She geniunly thought all her medicine was free. I told her its just a fault from when the doctor prescribed the medicine and that i would sort it out later. She eventually belived in me. I payed for the medicine and we left the pharmacy.

While its maybe not much, this has been taking a hit on me. I dont know how much longer i can keep up with this. But as long as it takes the burden away from my mother i will still try.

Thanks for reading, and i apologize if my english isnt the best.

(20f) So I have been a firm believer in soulmates. A bit of a romantic at heart, although I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to feel we have all been sold lies about love

I feel the more I want a relationship, the more embarrassing it feels putting myself out there. Putting my picture on dating apps. Getting to know new men. For it to not work. I find most men my age just want one thing. It's so hard to find something that's real. To meet someone who actually wants to know YOU and not just your body.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I have been thinking this way for a while and I can't get it off my mind. I have always found comfort in knowing my soulmate is out there somewhere. It breaks my heart to think I might be wrong. I guess I'm writing this to see if anyone feels the same way. How do you cope with this realization? I know it's dumb but I find it genuinely so upsetting. I feel like it's a dream I've been sold since I was a little girl, only for it to be lies. Waiting for a prince charming when there is no such thing in real life.

I know it's stupid to dream like that anyways. The reality just seems a lot more upsetting to me. Thank you for reading:)

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.
I went to the Munch museum in Oslo a couple weeks ago and one thing that stuck with me was how he kept coming back to the same themes over and over again.
Anxiety, love, jealousy, death etc. He even painted different versions of The Scream years apart.

It made me think about how we probably do the same thing in our own lives. Like on the surface the problems are totally different, underneath it sometimes feels like the same

For myself, I journal / record random thoughts pretty regularly, and recently I realized the interesting part isn’t really remembering what happened, it’s noticing the same fears, relationship patterns, career questions etc. coming back months or years later.

Does anyone use a tool that actually helps surface this stuff across old entries?

Not just search or summaries, but something like: “you’ve come back to this theme 5 times over the last 2 years.”

Curious what people use, if anything.

Siento que de un momento para aca no me interesa que puedan pensar de mí o de mi vida privada
Como si las personas que antes tenia como freno moral ya no importan
Hoy cumplo 23 y siento que no quiero que nadie determine que vida debo vivir
¿Es una etapa o un despertar ?

My theory is that whatever you believe will happen. Some will get their heaven and hell. And Some who believe in reincarnation will reincarnate, and what you believe will happen after death. Even if it’s not true it’s the most comforting theory tbh rather than just one set afterlife.

Watched- Requiem for a Dream (2000)

I love watching psychological horror & disturbing films & I rewatched this one after a decade. This movie is about a lady who is around 60 years old. She lives alone & she is so consumed by loneliness that she starts building up scenarios in her head. She gets on a medication (some addictive psychotic drug) & then she starts taking the medication in excess. She goes crazy & nuts.

Now, my context- Male, 26, Gay, HIV Positive & I live in an Indian metropolitan city! I'm currently very active like I go to work, then I go to the gym in the evening & weekends I go on treks.

Now, in India, same-sex marriage hasn't attained an official status. Even if I discard societal & institutional considerations, I'm an HIV Positive individual & thus, relationships are very difficult. So, it's like double whammy! Gay- BAM! & HIV- BAM!

Nevertheless, I live alone currently. I'm scared for myself that as I age, what if loneliness starts weighing on me? I really don't have any real friends who live in proximity. The one I have lives really far & he's occupied too. I don't get along well with other gays. I do go on dates very often but it's not possible for me to connect at a shallow level or pretend the connection is 'visceral' despite feeling burdensome.

Well, one has to live life. I've taken human form to gather some experiences- good & bad! Joys & sorrows, all. But then looking forward to forthcoming time is indeed a very human nature & this movie has scared the S H I T out of me!

I just felt like sharing my foreboding thoughts here. Chip in your thoughts too. I'd love to know ones who are 30+ living alone without any true friends! I'd love to know your experiences & thoughts, for I presume the feeling that I've is probably not novel or alien.

I (21 F) keep trying but can’t understand him. He (22 M) shows extremely minimal interest in my body. I’m skinny and he has said before that he is into thick girls but promises he is totally fine that I am skinny and loves me. But he never wants to see or touch my body. I’ve begged him to but he can’t force interest that just isn’t there. He dislikes sex and forces himself to make me happy but I can’t get into it all because I know he’s not into it. Evey other area is great and I love him so much. I don’t know what to do. Has porn completely destroyed him or something? I just have a man that I hang out with a lot that buys me food but isn’t interested in me sexually it’s so frustrating. All the women around me have partners that are wild for them and he’s just eh. Would love any advice. I don’t want to break up with him.

"Sometimes a person can make mistakes, but that does not mean that their whole life was full of mistakes. One mistake can change everyone's thinking around you, but one achievement has only a small impact. That's a perfect example of people who see only the negative part of someone's life. They never think about the situation of that person and the environment he lived in, and the efforts he made."

I am not a writer; I wrote this from my heart and to tell myself and others that the end result doesn't matter if you are giving your all.

The rat race, is, frankly, unnatural. People aren't machines toiling at 70 hour work weeks with ease. Maybe instead of us living around smartphones and societal expectations, we could just bring it back to food, water, shelter and a grass hut.

Hi I’m 28F, soon to be 29 in January. Let me tell you about myself.
All throughout high school I was a 95%+ kid. I was outgoing and tried to be in many clubs and extracurricular. Student council, track and field, photography club, robotics club.
I went to university thinking I was going into med school but first year was difficult so completed my B.Sc, then my B.Ed and became a teacher. My university years I became more introverted and my anxiety heightened but never took any meds. After my B.Ed, I couldn’t find a teaching position so I started my P.B.D.E, and finished within a year. Graduated and then found a position.

I met my now husband, at 21, I started my career as a teacher at 22, got a permanent position at a great school. we married when I was 27. I also completed my masters after that and that took me two years.

We have a beautiful home and 2 dogs. We travel about 1-3 times a year, and are more than half way paying off our house within 5 years.

I go to the gym at least 4 times a week, I’m currently studying two new languages and started reading novels. I find that I am happiest when I’m traveling in a foreign country as I learn about different cultures and languages.

I’m 29 now, and I don’t know why, I keep asking myself… this just cant be it. I finished everything within my 20s… all I have left are kids, but we don’t want kids right now.

Everything has been perfect… but for some reason… I’m not happy. Something is missing and I don’t know what it is.

I’m genuinely writing this post for help, and NOT to brag bc in all honesty, I don’t like this life.

Edit: I mean, is not like I don’t like this life… but it’s just boring. I don’t regret any decisions I made to this date. All the education, getting married, buying a 3000sqft home with my husband. It’s perfect, but… idk.

I'll start. I (31m) had short hair until I was around 18 years old. I wanted to grow it out, but every middle-aged person in my family said it was a bad idea. I grew it out anyway! 13 years later, I still have long hair.

I know it's not a super-exciting example, but it's something.

Yeah so basically I’m losing hair fast so I need to get myself ready for the next stage, I feel like I’m gonna lose confidence etc… being 21 right now and hair loss coming in fast, it’s just difficult to accept it.

Did people treat you differently?
Did your confidence go down?

Many people seem to think the uptick in ADHD , audhd, and ASD is because of tick tock or a trend. Do these same people think it was a fad in 1981 that suddenly so many people had HIV and AIDS? Did they think when eyeglasses were finally invented people suddenly pretended to have poor eyesight? Did they think Covid is a fad? How about the new multiple diagnosis of measles again? Maybe it’s all because science finally caught up and we now know much more about each of these issues and have been learning how best to treat them. Vaccines are necessary. For many, medicine is necessary. Be grateful we’re learning how to treat people rather than telling them it’s not real and they don’t need help.

My parents always yelling at each other since lm young, my dad used to hit my mom and me. Now i come home and no1s here my mom works until night. she had a day off work to go shopping with me, suddenly a Car Crashed into our parking car shes sad again. My father is sueing my brother and my mom is under constant stress. I havent cried in years, i cant even cry anymore when my moms sad or sitting crying infront of me. I was at the Youth Welfare Office too so that i can prevent my narcistic dad to not go back into our home since hes 50% owner. When lm at school im laughing and have fun but as soon as i come home i feel empty, im alone and have no one to talk to or someone to ask me how my day was. The last thing that i was proud of was my looks, i have always been insecure because i was fat and bullied. I lost weight and improved my self, guess what happen? The doctor told me that i have genetic hairloss, live couldnt be worse .. Since that im depressed and every day feels the same. Will some1 love me when im bald

Old text messages. Hear me out: I just look through old messages between me and a person I talked maybe once and see it from months ago. Now imagine that on a larger scale (say years). And in decades from now there's gonna be a whole influx of old messages between you and other people you don't talk to anymore.​ Some could be dead as well. Am I overthinking this?

I love my sister. She is the best. Back story-My mother always filled a stocking at Christmas for my sister because she had no man to do it. When my mother died about 10 years ago, I started the yearly habit of doing a stocking for my sister. Then, last year, as I was getting her stocking from her she says to me "But you don't need to just fill it with a bunch of crap" What? I knew from the beginning I could never do as well as my mother. But for her to say this? I had tried really hard with things she can use, dog hair remover for furniture and clothes, jar openers, special candy etc. Maye an item or two she can call crap...But I went home and cried. Then one of my kids told me "I would just fill it with crap". I laughed but the pain was too fresh. I gave her a beautiful bottle of wine in her stocking. But this year? I am going to just fill it with crap :pooping santas, reindeer, snowmen, a cheap but pretty old fashioned bottle for perfume oil, a very pretty polished rock, a cute plastic bird etc. Am I being facetious? Petty? immature? Maybe. But it makes me smile. What would you do?

So I gave up on love a while ago because I think I'm better off alone, I'm avoidant and I wanna focus on myself.

But sometimes I think to myself if I'd ever even find someone and if I do find this someone what if there's better than them (I know it sounds rude but that's my thought process) maybe there's something I'm lacking and I sometimes crave this and I'm sometimes afraid that I might never find someone who'd put up with my bs.

I just start looking at my type down the street or whenever I see someone and imagine or wishing they'd be my person which to me sounds like attention seeking or lacking or filling a void

So can anyone just reassure me or something or how can I just stop this feeling because I do believe if you seek love it won't find you and I'm not really seeking it like I said I gave up but idk what's with me

So I had a job in engineering. Was there for 3 months and I had to work from a warehouse operative previously was offered a apprenticeship and they just said work your way up to it so I did.

I went from a production operative to a forklift role and then quality inspections in like 3 months and i asked the boss can I be put back to the production operative due to that being more "active" had to do for that role 87 an hour and I would hit those goals and everyone I worked with used to stare at me and be like "you don't have to work that hard due to the said goals they set for you" and i said i am doing it out of boredom and the fact that the superior is just staring whilst his wife was acting frantically around me and I was like I have no clue why she is acting "trying to get to know me whilst the superior is literally standing there and huff and puffing as in getting angry and i am like why is your wife trying something with me.

Btw it was like 9:00 in the morning and everyone was on break and bare in mind I didn't take breaks due to the team leaders acting immature.

Besides the point.

The next couple of weeks go ahead and i was just working and the guy said "this isn't your career any more your back on the forklift or you go to hr and if you don't i will just get them to get rid of you" bare in mind that the hr manager had no clue of what has been happening over the weeks due to holiday.

And then i was like why can't I just get back to working bare in mind I was at 152 in the 2nd hour.

He said i don't know and walked me to the hr and got rid of me.

As said before I genuinely feel lost. I havent got enough grades/qualifications yet again I found working with tesla easy and Ferraris easy and any other vehicle I worked on the parts to produce.

Yet I as a 19 haven't been to university and I feel like i failed as a son to my family, also including that everyone in my family see me as a guy who hasn't got his stuff together which is true.

I got a English (3) Maths (2) yet i feel like if i go back to college knowing I have already got diplomas from my other courses yet i just don't feel like I have worked "hard" Like every other 19 year who has a gf, house, and going to university yk.

I am just lost which is me rn.

I'm 22F. Currently in my final year of Med school and I'm having the worst crisis of my life. My life is conflicted around three things right now: Career, relationships and Family.

I think most of us are bothered about these three aspects only. So lemme describe mine.

Dilemma 1: I'm an MBBS student who doesn't want to be a doctor. So I'm thinking about transitioning. Now, if you're from India, you might call me dumb. A lot of people are questioning my choices. I can't explain the reasons anymore. I just want to change my career. I was never made for medicine. And I realised it a lil too late. I understand. Now, I wanna do everything in my power to change it. Which is strange because, at 8, I would've given my all to be where I am today. At 12, all I ever prayed for was to be a doctor. At 17, I got the college I wanted. And at 22, I wanna just get the hell out of here. I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong.

Dilemma 2: I think I always got too attached to people. Especially my ex boyfriend. We broke up almost an year back but I just can't get over it. Even though I'm in a relationship rn, I just can't stop thinking about him at times. His memories haunt me. It's like, I have to prove myself to be worthy. Like he's always looking at me and my life decisions. The reason for that being, he was kind of always a mentor to me before we started dating. He was someone I admired a lot. Now, it's all gone but I can't help but feel pressurised.

Delimma 3: I really love my current boyfriend. And last month I realised how I'm finally healing from my ex and probably ready to move on with my life. He gave me space and time to heal. But there's a catch he wants kids in his life. And I don't think I'll ever want kids.

I have imagined a life of freedom. To travel, to work to enjoy. I'm just not convinced I'll be able to enjoy my life in a marriage set up with kids.

But when I'm not with him, I miss him too much. I don't even know. I am just not able to feel that freedom and relationships can coexist. Because in my life, I never saw it coexisting with the females in my family.

My mum and dad had a very problematic marriage. At times I wish they never got married. I know if they might've got a chance, probably they'll change their decision as well.

I was never able to overlook my parents' marriage and that's the reason I'm scared of it. To live a life like my mum did. She deserved everything in the world but she was tied down in a loveless marriage and responsibilities of kids and in laws. The thing is, she doesn't even realise it all. But I do, and I won't be able to live my life like that.

I want my boyfriend but everything seems blurred when I think about our future. Especially because I'm his senior and I'll be moving out of the city as soon as my course is over. Would we able to maintain a long distance? Even if we do, what next? He would probably want kids, and I would never. Also, my ex, I'm still not over all the hurt. I don't even know if I'll ever be. I'm terrified of so many possibilities. Along with the pressure that I have to prepare for my next entrance exam because this is a crucial point of time for my career.