A couple of days ago I made a post here about my wife being pregnant. I was so happy and scared at the same time. I asked for prayers for me and wife, so that everything will go well. But she had a miscarriage. We lost our baby. I'm so angry and full of hate. My wife is heartbroken. Why did God allow this to happen? We never even got the chance to hold them, or even know if they are a boy or a girl. I guess I'm just asking for an advice. How can I be the best support for my wife? How can I trust Jesus anymore? How could someone ever heal from something like this?

Long story short, my girlfriend is an agnostic, I got into the relationship knowing and was willing to love her despite our differences. It was going well, she respected my beliefs and wasn’t disrespectful.

We broke up because we were sleeping together and I felt a strong conviction for us to stop. Obviously it’s wrong plus we’re both still in uni and I don’t want to destroy either of our futures with an unplanned pregnancy. When I told her I wanted us to wait till marriage I expected her to be disappointed and go along with it but she just said if we’re not gonna be sleeping together shed break up with me. It was very jarring because I didn’t think sex was such a big part of a relationship but I guess you learn something new everyday.

I decided that it would be the best for us to end it. The days leading up to it I felt so much guilt in my heart but ever since breaking up I feel lighter, sad as hell, but relived. I feel like I am no longer going against my beliefs to please someone and it’s liberating.

I miss her everyday and I still pray that God can touch her heart and changer her. I realised I was prideful thinking by being with her she could come to God but that’s not the case. People will only believe when the time is right for them. I just couldn’t keep leading her and myself in sin and say everything was alright.

God gave me a receding hairline as a woman. I used to be okay and have hope with it but it’s so noticeable that everyone around me stares at it. I used to really feel so connected to him but I’m convinced that he hates me. As a man I would get it, but as a woman, I literally look horrible. My hair keeps falling out and I’ve prayed and trusted him and don’t know what to do anymore, so it’s left me here. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything but I really do feel like I’ve gotten to a point where I have no hope anymore

I just want to start off by saying I was raised in a church til about 15. I really had an on again off again relationship with the lord for 15 years after. Recently I’ve struggled with the loss of our dog due to nose cancer and it was something that saddened my heart to a great extent. I started praying everyday to the lord during my late dogs final days to at least let her have a few good nights rest before we said goodbye. And no this didn’t cure her of her cruel disease. But the blessing in disguise was it brought me closer to god and I started reading the bible more and studying the word as well as a daily devotional. I just pray that if you’re going through something the lord places his healing hand on you to give you strength. I can personally say I have a greater outlook and am grateful for the past month for everything I have experienced! I want all of you to know who’s on the fence of needing that meaning to life that the lord can provide and give you peace! Don’t be ashamed of straying from the lord or never knowing him! He will accept you as long as you are willing! God bless you all!

Hi, loves.

I feel mildly anxious posting this because I have tried to ask Christians before and some of them were just so hostile and shoved the same generic stuff down my throat.

I have tried Christianity in the past and it’s never really stuck. I (21F) am autistic and I’m very, very literal. I loved studying the Bible, I’ve always loved to analyze things, and so highlighting and colour coding and Bible studies, all of that was really fun to me. Until I learnt that a lot of the Bible is metaphorical and parables and a lot of things in the Bible aren’t actually exactly how it happened.

I don’t want to come across as insensitive, I apologise if I’ve articulated that wrong.

I was sexually abused as a child by my father who claimed to “love Jesus” and the thought of even acknowledging a god that he ‘adored’ makes me want to vomit. I feel a lot of hatred and resentment towards the Christian community, which I don’t feel particularly nice saying because, even if I know that there are Christians who are genuinely nice and sweet, I also know there are a lot of truly awful people who weaponise religion or use it as an excuse or shield for their own shame, and my brain can’t let that go.

I feel very lost in my life right now, and I have for a long time. I don’t have any friends at all, I’m almost completely isolated due to a massive autistic burnout and severe skill regression when I was about 16 (I lost my ability to do anything, I couldn’t care for myself and I’m only just learning how to actually do things again).

I’ve always liked the idea of a god. I remember very vividly, many years ago, I found a slug egg and I could see this little baby slug moving around in the egg, and it changed something in me because I knew I couldn’t deny the existence of SOMETHING. It was really beautiful.

However, any time I try to do Christianity, it’s like all of my trauma comes rushing back. I feel angry again or I read something in the Bible that hurts and I just become quite nasty. I say awful things to people, I mock other Christians. And that’s not… me. I’m not like that, it’s only when I go to god. I heard someone say once that Satan, or the enemy or whatever you want to call it, never attacks someone who doesn’t believe, so I don’t know if there’s actually some sort of spiritual warfare (and I feel really dumb saying that, because does that even exist??) or maybe just my trauma/nervous system.

I just feel this tug, and I feel really embarrassed posting this. I don’t want to hear “Jesus loves you” or “he made you for a reason”. I want to hear your stories, your own personal reasons or experiences. I want to know why you went to god, and if it changed your life. I’m just a bit sick of being force fed “Jesus made you for a reason and he loves you” as an answer. I guess I just want to be convinced that god exists, and how to get over the sheer resentment and disgust I seem to feel at the idea of god existing.

Thank you x

I (23f) have struggled with same sex attraction from a very young age and have come to the point where I am willing to live a life of celibacy and being alone because my desire to be close to God outweighs the desire of my flesh. I have never confided in anyone about these feelings but I’ve made it known I don’t desire to marry, especially to a man (I’ve been in relationships before with men and truly could not connect or find attraction in any sense). The only issue is many in my church and family members see it as almost like a biblical duty to marry and reproduce and have made comments like “one day a man will change your mind” or “you need to grow closer to God and he will give you those desires”. Is this biblically sound or true in any sense?

I'm 15 and I'm genuinely so done with this intense cycle of overthinking and ocd, sometimes I don't even know if it's the holy spirit convicting me or just my own overthinking. I tried so hard praying to God and all I end up with is silence. I'm genuinely so tired of obeying him and worrying whether not doing this and that can show that I'm prioritizing the world over him. I am so tired of my past that keeps haunting me because of my foolish mistakes, I can not stop worrying that if I don't do much as I can to fix the potential ongoing harm or persisting effect of my past acts(like digital footprints or other old stuff that can be still spreading bad stuff elsewhere).

I just don't want to cause harm but I don't want to take the potential consequences either. I'm so stuck. I don't even know what to do.

It's not really "pray for me" thing. I mean... I wouldn't mind but that post is not about it.

The thing is I'm not a bad guy. A sinner, sure, but i don't have records of doing anything that people might consider harmful to others. Quite the opposite I've been known as a nice and loving guy but... The thing I notice from time to time and what disturbs me is sometimes evil makes me excited. And not "sex before marriage" kind of evil I'm talking about real messed up horror movies kind of evil, for a moment I might find fascinating someone's cruelty or savageness it attracts my mind.

At the same time I realise that be it something real I wouldn't do that... Probably. 99% chance that I wouldn't do it irl haha... And yes probably I would say that it's wrong and tried to stop a bad guy. But part of me feels ... Regret? Regret that I'm not like that, that I'm not evil and heartless enough of a maniac to do whatever the hell i like and get away with that.

And like on the one side - I guess I'm glad that moral me prevails... For now at least. It means I guess that I have strong moral code and I wouldn't sacrifice others rights or lives for my own good but at the same time I'm kinda... Disturbed. That i even consider it.

So the Christian part of the question: is that normal ? Or am I like... Haunted or something?

So there is this girl who goes to my bible study group 20F I'm male 21 she was really talkative, funny and chatty and I was instantly drawn to her. I was a shy guy. As time went on we were chatting and became good friends. She invited me to go out to the cinema, ice cream etc. I had a job and she was struggling to find work so I mostly paid for everything. 

She took me to watch movies but she would pick romance movies with sex scenes and nudity frequently and when the sex scenes happened she would cuddle into me and suggest it was because they were too disgusting. 

One time when we were hanging out she asked me if I thought having sex before marriage was a sin. I said I did think it was a sin. She said “But do you think it's a worth it sin?” I told her that it's a very dangerous way of looking at sin

She asked me if I was a virgin. I said yes. And she said “hahaha viiiirgin” and then said She was “just joking.” It didn't stop there. One time we met up at a pub she asked if she can come to my place(I still live with my parents so I can save money) I said “yeah sure” thinking she just wanted to hang out and meet my family. She said to me “We are not going to have sex or anything haha”  “...but if we were would your parents be okay with it?” I was quite taken back so I didn't really say anything and she then said “You're an adult now you can make your own choices”.

Another time we were out shopping and she wanted to try on some clothes and I waited outside the changing room and she was telling me to go into the women's changing room cubicle with her and I was like “no it looks bad”. I didn't think too much of it at the time but it seems very weird

Does anyone else struggle with gluttony and self control? I’ve been struggling so bad recently and it’s caused weight gain, I’m so ashamed. It started to get worse when I fell off from reading my Bible, and I’m trying to get back into it but then I get disappointed since I don’t read it everyday like I used to, or I just don’t feel motivated and I let that control me.
I used to have so much self control, would wake up almost every day and read my Bible. Listened to it and read it after school when it started, talked/prayed to God on a regular basis, wrote in my journal to Him. I genuinely enjoyed seeking Christ. Now I can’t say the same. May(ish) hit and I don’t know what happened. I stopped wanting to read and I let that control me, and I started eating to distract myself. Of course in the past there were days I skipped reading, whether it was because I was preoccupied, or days I kind of just skimmed over because I wanted to use my phone or something. But I would feel convicted, repent and knew I was given grace by the Lord, and got back on track.
I pray for deliverance, self control, and even put 2 Timothy 2:7 as my lock screen, but I still sin anyways. It sounds silly to others, they say “Just stop eating,” but it can be SO incredibly hard to deny the flesh. I know I should seek God during temptations, but sometimes it gets so difficult that doesn’t even cross my mind.
Maybe it’s time to start fasting? The only thing is that like I said I don’t read my Bible as much anymore, so I feel like I won’t be able to fast “correctly” because I’m not reading enough.

Gluttony is often overlooked by the Christian community (in my opinion) and I don’t really share my experience with it to others out of embarrassment, so please could someone, anyone pray for me I would really appreciate it

I would just like to note that I’m a still a teen if that changes anything (of course God is for everyone of all ages, just wanted to add in case anyone my age relates.) Sorry if this is long and confusing, so TLDR: Anyone else struggle with self control/gluttony, how to heal from it, how to get back on track with God.

For context: 21f with severe general anxiety, on meds

I am very particular about reading and studying my Bible every day, and “pray ceaselessly” is something keep dear to my heart and I pray every chance I get and I remember to.

All of these things, and I don’t feel much relief. Sometimes none! It is getting very hard to continue in faith when my anxiety is beating me down daily. I don’t know whether there is something I am supposed to be doing that I’m not doing? Or if I am just supposed to keep doing this and wait for God to magically save me? Which He has done before in other situations. But other situations required my effort and movement, so I don’t know!

I am desperate for relief from anxiety which feeds a cycle of smoking weed and drinking for momentary relief, feeling guilty and committing to quitting for a month or two, and then getting overwhelmed by anxiety and restarting.

Any advice would be extremely cherished and appreciated <3 God Bless

Growing up as a woman in your early 20s is difficult in a very specific way: you are constantly reminded of your biological clock and told, directly or indirectly, that “women expire at 30.” It creates this strange pressure to think about marriage and children while you are still trying to figure out who you are and what kind of life you want to build.

I’ve noticed that some of the Christian men I’ve encountered tend to have a more red-pill mindset, particularly when it comes to having an overly traditional marriage (which I don’t think is that feasible in 2026). At the same time, I know I need to focus on building a career and creating a life that I can provide for myself, rather than relying on the possibility that a man will eventually give me the life I want. There is always a chance I won’t get married, and I don’t want my entire future to depend on whether or not that happens.

What makes dating especially exhausting is that I’m only 22, yet I already feel tired of it. I’ve gone on dates with men who were attractive, genuinely interested in me, and wanted to take me seriously, only to find out that they weren’t Christian. Meanwhile, the Christian men I’ve met were kind of incels that don’t have much going for them besides their faith, and I simply haven’t been attracted to them.

And I’m really not that picky about looks. My friends make fun of me because I have a history of dating objectively medium-ugly men. But I do think there needs to be some level of physical attraction. I don’t need a man to be conventionally handsome, but I would at least like to look at him and feel sexually drawn to him. That doesn’t seem like an unreasonable thing to want.

I’m just hesitant about marriage. Why should I want to marry a Christian man who can’t realistically provide enough for a household on one income, meaning I’d also have to work and contribute financially, while still being expected to cook, clean, and have his children? I don’t blame men entirely for this. the economy is brutal, housing is expensive, and wages haven’t kept up, so I can understand the pressure men feel to provide. But I also don’t know if I can sign up for a marriage where I’m expected to be traditional as a wife while simultaneously needing to work because one income isn’t enough. I don’t know how to go about this.

Im currently struggling with lust, sexual thoughts, and addiction to my phone which is drawing me so far from God. I know other people also struggle with this so I feel less alone, but I still feel like I’m hidden from God because of all of this blocking me constantly. I have to keep repenting but it’s demotivating me because of the fact I keep falling back into the same bad habits. It’s very draining and I keep praying but feel like it’s not reaching him. Im not sure what to do honestly as it’s wearing me out to go through all of this and not feel heard by him

so i converted to Christianity from Buddhism since it didnt stick with me, i started in jan of this year its had its up's and down's but overall fine and i have read my Bible (not everyday), i've prayed everyday whether it be personal or thanking for food. But i dont feel God. I genuinely believe he is real but my mom has always dissed Christianity saying i havent become a good person or changed (yk since we do argue sometimes i js sit there and listen to her cussing at me saying i will never change how i wont get good grades) i js sometimes wish i was dead. Thats why i have gone to Jesus to seek relief but he hasn't spoken to me in any way i can understand most of the times i trick myself into believing he did. I js dont get why my life is not like the majority of Christians. If God doesnt talk to me through any visions or anything im quitting this. Honestly its felt like Humans or even ChatGPT talks to me more and clearly. It feels like my prayers dont work, my suicidal thoughts or depression hasnt really gone away.

I'm curious especially about people who weren't raised Christian, or who actively didn't believe. Was there one argument, experience, relationship, moment, or realization that changed things for you? Or was it much more gradual? And was the thing that initially drew you toward Christianity the same thing that ultimately convinced you?

David wrote, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” (Psalm 119:11).

It is one thing to have a Bible on the shelf, but a whole other thing to have the words of God hidden in your heart.

When temptation comes, we do not always have time to search for the right verse. When fear suddenly enters our minds, when the flesh pulls us toward sin, or when we are faced with a difficult decision, we need the truth of God already dwelling within us.

That is why the Bible says, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom.” (Colossians 3:16).

God's words are truths meant to shape the way we think, speak, choose, and live. The more the Bible fills our hearts, the more readily we can recognize what is contrary to it. We ought to be doing more than simply reading enough Bible to say that we read it today. We should be storing it up.

David said, “I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways. I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.” (Psalm 119:15-16).

There will come a time when you will need the verse you are reading today. Hide God's word in your heart before that time comes.

Saint Teresa of Avila - The Way of Perfection - Three Wisdoms of Prayer

Ἀ
What person, however careless, who had to address someone of importance, would not spend time in thinking how to approach him so as to please him and not be considered tedious? He would also think what he was going to ask for and what use he would make of it, especially if his petition were for some particular thing, as our good Jesus tells us our petitions must be. This point seems to me very important. Couldst Thou not, my Lord, have ended this prayer in a single sentence, by saying: "Give us, Father, whatever is good for us"? For, in addressing One Who knows everything, there would seem to be no need to say any more.
Ὠ

The first wisdom in prayer is not the list of what is most pleasing to the soul, nor even the soul's estimation of what is most pleasing to God. It is the silent pause before prayer: the humbling of self through the recollection of the Majesty to Whom we pray. In this wisdom, the approach to God is refined even before the prayer begins. The false grandeur of self-will is lost, and the soul enters its prayer more receptive to the will of the Lord.

The second wisdom of prayer cannot be had without the humility brought forth in the first. For here the soul may dare to bring its petitions before the Lord, in remembrance that, even before the prayer is first made, He already knows what is most good for the soul. Thus does the sum of the two wisdoms in prayer become: “Give us, Father, whatever is good for us."

Supportive Scripture - Douay Rheims Challoner Bible
Romans 8:26 For, we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit himself asketh for us with unspeakable groanings.

Ἀ
Saint Teresa Continues…
This would have sufficed, 0 Eternal Wisdom, as between Thee and Thy Father. It was thus that Thou didst address Him in the Garden, telling Him of Thy will and Thy fear, but leaving Thyself in His hands. But Thou knowest us, my Lord, and Thou knowest that we are not as resigned as wert Thou to the will of Thy Father; we needed, therefore, to be taught to ask for particular things so that we should stop for a moment to think if what we ask of Thee is good for us, and if it is not, should not ask for it. For, being what we are and having our free will, if we do not receive what we ask for, we shall not accept what the Lord gives us. The gift might be the best one possible - but we never think we are rich unless we actually see money in our hands.
Ὠ

In Gethsemane, the prayers of the Savior are not pleas of weakness before the will of the Father. They are lights of grace, given to humanity to illumine the path for all souls to follow. For there does the Son of God, having assumed our human nature, reveal the desires proper to His humanity and freely bring His human will into perfect harmony with the will of the Father. In knowing that fallen humanity will never be in such flawless union with the Father's will as Himself, the Son takes our weakness unto Himself. Yet He does not do this so that human desire might have an end, but that it might be sanctified in His last prayer before the wood of the Cross.

Supportive Scripture - Douay Rheims Challoner Bible 
Luke 22:42 Saying: Father, if thou wilt, remove this chalice from me: but yet not my will, but thine be done.

The third wisdom of prayer is the sum of the first two. For here the soul first learns that, if it prays in accord to its own self-will, it will fail to perceive the will of the Lord. And secondly, it begins to know that, by failing to perceive the greater holiness of His will, it may refuse what the Lord knows is best for the soul, gifts that are greater than what the soul sought in its own will.

Catechism of the Catholic Church
2737 “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” If we ask with a divided heart, we are “adulterers”; God cannot answer us, for he desires our well-being, our life. “Or do you suppose that it is in vain that the scripture says, ‘He yearns jealously over the spirit which he has made to dwell in us?’” That our God is “jealous” for us is the sign of how true his love is. If we enter into the desire of his Spirit, we shall be heard.

Hey everyone, I’m 19, and I’m posting here because I’ve hit a wall and honestly don’t know where else to turn. For a long time now, I’ve been stuck in this brutal cycle with deep-seated addictions and bad habits—mostly screen and gaming dependency, along with falling into online lust. It’s always the same loop: I get overwhelmed or anxious about my life, my music, and my goals, so I turn to quick dopamine hits to numb the stress. Afterwards, I’m left feeling totally empty, guilty, and further away from where I want to be. I’ve tried fixing this on my own through sheer force of will. I’ve done extreme dopamine detoxes, strict routines, app blockers, alarms, and made bold declarations to change overnight. It works for a day or two, but then I crash right back into the same patterns. Every time I stumble, I feel completely defeated and start believing the lie that I’m just weak or broken. I love God, and I want Him to be at the center of my life. But every time I mess up, I feel like such a hypocrite. It makes me wonder if I’m fundamentally misunderstanding how faith and freedom actually work. I’d really appreciate your thoughts on a few things: * Can God truly free me from this, even when I’ve failed a hundred times?

* How does that freedom actually look in real life? Is it usually a sudden miraculous moment, or is it a slow daily walk? How do I actually tap into His strength instead of relying on my own willpower?

* Does the peace of putting God first actually exist? What does that look like when you have a million goals and things to do?

* Do fear, anxiety, and perfectionist pressure ever fully vanish in Christ? Or how are we supposed to handle them when they hit us?

* How do I actually put Him first when my brain is constantly hooked on distractions?

* How can I build a daily Bible habit without it feeling like a chore? Right now, reading Scripture feels like such an uphill struggle (uno sforzo). Where should I even start so it turns into a real connection rather than just ticking a box? I’m just exhausted from fighting this battle in my own strength because it’s clearly not working. I’d love your prayers, scripture recommendations, or honest stories from anyone who’s been in this exact spot and found a way through. Sorry for this long post! Thanks for listening, God bless ❤️

I’ll keep this brief. I’m a dreamer and seer, and have been this way since I was born. I have visions as well. I’ve dealt with lust on and off in life, in the form of pornography. Today I succumbed, and afterwards took a nap without repenting. I had a dream that someone was doing interviews with a microphone to random people on the street. Next thing I know, a man approached her and the interviewer asked his name. He said Lucifer, smiled and said “hello **my name** and laughed. Then I woke up. What did I do? Did I just open a huge door? I regret all of this. I’m so angry with myself. He’s never talked to me directly EVER. Help me please.

Hey! I (22M) never really had any Christian friends. There are a lot of really good pepole around me, but as far as im aware, they are all atheists. Still im waiting for the right ones but its HARD nowadays. Its sad that when it comes to true love for Jesus and Bible I dont really have anyone to talk to about that besides my dad. Im from Poland and folks my age over here are unconsciously into evil things...

I like trekking, nature, painting, classical music, gardening, watchmaking.

Id be really happy to chat with someone from time to time :))

Hello everyone. You might have seen the post where I wrote in desperation; the gist of it was this: I had drifted away from God and sinned deliberately for a long time, reaching a point where I no longer felt any remorse. I began to feel a conviction—or a distinct sensation—of not repenting. Whenever I asked myself about it internally, I felt that lack of repentance; it was more than just a sensation—it felt more like a conviction. I still feel that conviction; I admit it isn't something I can change. The situation is this: frightened, I knelt and begged God to take everything from me and to erase that conviction—or that feeling of not wanting to repent. I didn't want to accept that I was unable to repent, so I made the decision to follow God (to gradually return to walking with Him). But here is the problem—and it’s something that makes me doubt: Can God make that conviction disappear? Will I stop having a hard heart? Later, I decided to watch a sermon by a well-known figure, Billy Graham; he spoke about forgiveness, repentance, and a hard heart, and I began to feel afraid. Is my heart so hard that I simply won't be able to repent anymore?In a recent post of mine, I mentioned that I wanted people to tell it to me straight—I didn't want things sugar-coated, because I really needed to see reality as it is. Someone commented that if I looked deep within my heart and realized I didn't want to let go of this, I might well be on the verge of grieving the Holy Spirit. That really opened my eyes, but it also filled me with fear; as I said at the start, I’m afraid to admit that I don’t want to repent—perhaps because of the consequences.There are times when my mind drifts to that, and honestly, I don't want to dwell on that conviction; I want to focus on God, but I feel like I'm doing something wrong by trying to forget—I don't want to repent, I just want to put it out of my mind.

Hi everyone, I'm 25 and I'm currently going through a very tough and confusing season. I feel like I have been stuck in the same place since I was 18 and the only difference I feel is me graduating college. It's been over three years since then and I haven't even found a job in my field. I got my degree in art and I feel like God put me on this earth to do something creative, but I don't know exactly how. I even tried to go back to school for architecture but I only got into one school and it was too expensive. Now I'm feeling a little bit hopeless when thinking about where my career will take me, and if God is actually calling me towards this or if it is something I made up myself. I am very passionate about art and I feel my best when creating something. I have so many ideas as an artist but I have no idea where to begin, and it is a difficult industry to break into especially now that ai is a thing. On top of that I lost my mom 3 months ago and am now dealing with grief as well. She was my best friend and number one supporter. I feel really stagnant in every area and none of the things I thought would happen by this age has happened yet. I haven't had any experiences outside of my hometown, even for college, and I don't go out much cause I don't have too many friends. I feel like everyday is just work and home. I work in a pretty respectable field but my heart isn't in it. For the past month I have been reading my bible first thing in the morning and have been trying to pray more often but I still feel confused and lost about where my life is going and what my true purpose is. Anyways, I guess my question for you all is have you ever been in this situation and how did God lead you out of it? Also how do you know when God has placed a dream in your heart vs when your heart is deceiving you? A lot of people say God is the God of suddenly, have you ever experienced that?

I think I might be going through a season of pruning but it feels never ending. I would love to hear any encouragement on how to get through this era of my life.

Thanks and God bless!

**I spent years believing but still wondering where God was. Looking back, I can finally see He never left me.**
I’ve felt moved lately to share my story..it’s about 38 pages so far..but I want to share this first and see how it goes,I suppose!

I experienced a lot of loss very young. Both of my grandfathers were gone before I was four, my father died when I was six, and I later watched my beloved Grandma Frenchy battle cancer before losing her too.
Yet I was blessed with a mother stronger than any other woman I have ever known….
She worked sometimes 3 job and was a nursing student..
I experienced sexual assault as a child.
I didn’t have words for grief, trauma or abandonment. I just knew that people I loved kept disappearing, and somewhere along the way I began believing a terrible lie:
**Maybe I wasn’t worth very much.**
**Like I was damaged goods..**
As a teenager, that pain turned inward. I struggled with depression, self-injury and suicidal thoughts and eventually spent six months at Four Winds receiving mental-health treatment.
I couldn’t see much of a future for myself.
**But God could.**
For years afterward, I searched for love, worth and belonging in people and places that could never completely give me what I was looking for.
I became a young mother at 17. My son’s father passed at the age of 22 I experienced addiction around my whole life and eventually within my own life. I lived through an abusive relationship. I made choices I’m not proud of.
There were seasons when I knew about God but still wasn’t surrendered to Him.
And plenty of moments when I wondered:
**God, where are You?**
**I turned 30 and it hit HARD.**
one evening, completely overwhelmed by what my life had become, I pulled my car over and cried out:
**“JESUS, PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE HELP MY SON. I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.”**
It wasn’t a beautiful prayer.
It wasn’t rehearsed.
It was desperation.
**It was surrender.**
When I finished praying, I still had to drive home to the same circumstances.
My life didn’t magically become perfect.
But something had begun to change.
Eventually, **I began to change.**
Looking backward now, I can see God in places where I once thought He was absent.
I see Him in the people He placed along my path.
I see Him in doors that opened at exactly the right time.
I see Him preserving me when I didn’t even care to preserve myself.
I see Him protecting my son.
I see Him calling me back when I wandered.
And I see Jesus meeting me over and over again in very real, very messy places.
I’ve started putting my testimony into a short memoir called:
**HERstory: A Testimony of Restoration Through Jesus Christ**
I’m not writing it because I lived a perfect life.
Quite the opposite.
**It’s the testimony of an imperfect woman who discovered a perfect Savior.**
One Scripture has become especially meaningful to me:
**“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” — Psalm 68:5**
For so much of my life, I remember the people I had lost and wondered:
*Who was supposed to still be here loving me?*
Today I understand something differently.
**I had a Father who never left.**
**Who is faithful. Who’s only begotten son defeated death…**
I’m still finishing *HERstory*, but lately I’ve felt strongly that maybe this testimony isn’t supposed to stay tucked away on my computer.
So I wanted to ask:
**Would anyone here be interested in reading this short book when it’s finished?**
I’d especially love to know if my story could encourage someone who has experienced loss, trauma, addiction, an abusive relationship—or simply spent years wondering where God was in the middle of it all.
I’m not sharing because I want people to look at everything I’ve survived and say,
*“Look how strong she is.”*
I want someone to look at everything I’ve survived and say,
**“Look how faithful God is.”**
If you’re sitting in a chapter of your own life right now that doesn’t make sense, I’ve learned that Some chapters only begin making sense when you finally get far enough down the road to look back.
In My story, darkness formed
Yet Jesus prospered
He became the
The lamp to my feet
When the path gets dim
Hallelujah. Amen.