I've been debating on whether I made the right decision or not. Before I start, I'm already embarrassed and I regret my decisions. No more ridicule please lol. I met him online when I was 18. We were language partners and quickly became friends. Right before I turned 20, he had asked me to be his girlfriend and at first I was reluctant, but he was very kind and I liked him. I asked him what his intentions were and he brought up marriage. This was our first argument/breakup. I told him that marriage wasn't important to me and I wanted to focus on school. He took that as me saying he didn't matter and we broke up for a few days. I knew that I should've ended it there, but I didn't. Him and his family began pressuring me to book a flight to see him even though I didn't have a job and was still in college. I caved and booked the flight and met him a few months later. He kept pressuring me into marriage and I eventually caved once again, even though I was against it. I'm so mad at myself for not sticking to my gut. He treated me very well. He completely adored me and was incredibly supportive. Our communication was also very healthy. I thought that I had found the perfect guy but something still felt like it was missing. I had told him many times that I wished we talked about more things, I loved him but I felt our emotional connection was lacking some times, but asking never got me anywhere.

There were a few instances where I questioned if this relationship was right. The first was when we met in person and he kept asking me to take off my shirt. I kept saying no but he kept insisting until I eventually caved. He also got upset with me once for not wanting sex because I was tired. He told me he thought I didn't love him anymore because of this one time. This among other things made me resent him. I eventually blew up and laid it all out. At first, he justified his actions but then he apologized. I thought maybe I was being dramatic and ended up forgiving him. A month later, I realized I was still unhappy and I filed for divorce. At first he said he respected my decision, but then he began demanding that I pay him back the money he spent on me before he signed any papers. He threated suicide. His family began messaging me and saying I ruined his life, etc. HE eventually apologized for this and I stood firm on my decision. He finally agreed to cooperate.

Typing this out has made me glad that I made this decision, but a part of me wonders if I'll ever find a guy who is supportive, adores me, etc. I know I'm young but I feel that maybe I messed up something good because of some bad moments.

TLDR: I decided to divorce my husband and even though there were bad moments, I wonder if I made the right choice.

I've always told him that I wanted to cook in my hostel. Today I finally cooked for the first time, and I was genuinely excited about it.

I showed my parents first, and they were so excited for me. I was really happy and looking forward to eating it.

Then I called my boyfriend and told him, “I cooked.” He was talking about something else, so I said again, “I cooked, it's tasty.”

He replied, “So what should I clap for it or what?”

Honestly, it completely killed my excitement. I didn't even feel like eating it anymore.

I wasn't asking him to clap or give me some huge reaction. I just wanted him to be happy for me because I was happy. I've always talked to him about wanting to cook in my hostel, so this felt like a small achievement I was excited to share with him.

I love cooking, and I think I want a partner who gets excited about the little things that make me happy.

TL;DR: I cooked for the first time in my hostel and was excited to share it with my boyfriend, but his dismissive response killed my excitement. I just wanted him to be happy for me

For context, half of my family is Ukrainian/Russian. My father refused to speak the langauge because in his mind he had come to america and was american so he had no need, but my grandparents almost exclusively spoke it. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents during my childhood due to some financial struggles my parents had early on. My father despised that I would come home and speak the languages or have any inkling of the culture at all. He even would say that when I was old enough he would pay for plastic surgery to make my face "less slavic". But I always would go for months to my grandparents house, so there was no way to avoid me picking up any language or culture. I ended up being the only one out of any of my siblings who spoke or knew anything about it.

My parents went through a Really Brutal divorce that sent us all the way across the country, and so I never got to see my grandparents again. My relationship with my grandmother was always Iffy, she's got some problems with women, But my Grandfather absolutley adored me. He wouldn't let me go even a single day with him without letting me know how much I was cherished. Most of my positive childhood memories are with him, and he was truly an amazing man who led a very interesting life. He passed away 3 years ago, and with him the last person I ever spoke Russian or Ukrainian with, or engaged with the culture with.

My boyfriend (23m) and I (22F) have been dating for about 2 years and some change. In our first few months dating, I neglected to mention to him Just how slavic I was. He knew I was half, but I didnt let on how much I was because it was a little painful to talk about. Until we were in a store one day, and this Russian woman was having a hard time communicating with a worker, and I stepped in and started speaking with her. To this day he will tell the story with the same amount of bewilderment as he felt that day. He had assumed I was half slavic in the way people say they're "half irish" or "half german" in america, where its distant ancestors and disconnected. We had a super long talk about it that night, and it ended up with me in absolute hysterics talking about my grandfather, my father, and why I never really mentioned it.

He was very understanding and took a lot of care with the topic. As time went on, I got a lot more comfortable with it around him. He genuinely wanted to see me be as authentically me as possible, and that includes both halves of me. I would tell him stories about my grandfather, (he was a bit of a wild boy in his youth) and he would ask about my experiences growing up in such a strange cultural arrangement. He learned some sentences and words in Russian, and it always makes me laugh because hes super southern and its very jarring to hear Russian in a southern accent.

A few months ago, my grandmother decided to move house to be closer to my dad, and she started selling a bunch of stuff on facebook marketplace and Ebay. Most of it was my grandfather's stuff, like his watches, stuff he had taken from Ukraine, a lot of little trinkets from his childhood, and his mothers jewelery. Some of it was stuff of mine, like dresses and toys my grandfathers siblings had sent me from Ukraine when I was little. I had come across the post on Facebook, and immedietly messaged her and told her I wanted some of the items, but because of afore mentioned reasons, and the fact that she thinks we screwed my dad over in the divorce, she refused and blocked me. I was very sad, but eventually had to make peace with it.

Time had passed by, and my birthday came around. He asked my little brother to come help him move a present out, and they came out of the spare room with a big box all done up in pretty paper, with my name in Cyrillic on the tag. My whole family was very intrigued, as it was the largest gift there. When I opened it, it was nearly every single thing my grandmother had put for sale, and then some. I just started crying, and there wasn't a single dry eye in the room after everyone saw what it was. My mom, my stepfather, my siblings, my friends, his parents, most of them were right in tears with me. He also revealed he had managed to save a few items for my siblings, ones I had mentioned before were special to them. To this day it is the best gift I have ever received.

Later on in the party, my stepfather was alone at the grill with him, and asked him how he managed to get his hands on the items as my grandmother refused to sell to anyone remotely related to me or my mother. He told him he just posed as a collector and said he was willing to pay for some of the stuff she hadnt listed if she had anymore. He asked how much it costed and it was about 1,300. My stepfather first offered to pay him back for at least some of it but he declined, and told him he had a pretty good amount saved up and it wouldnt hurt him.

A few days later, my stepfather accidentally let it spill to me how much money my BF had blown on the gift and I got very anxious. We keep our finances mostly seperate, and we dont know how much either of us have in savings, and to me 1,300 is a lot for a birthday gift, even for sentimental items. I begged my bf to let me pay him back, and each time he refuses. I started to offer to pay for dates or cover our rent for a month or two but he staunchly refuses.

His reasoning is that i'm still in school and he wants me to keep my money for me, and I already only have enough to cover my car note and our groceries with a little scratch to spare. He got a pretty nice job out of School, and worked his ass off while he was in school, so he has a pretty good amount saved. He also says that it was a gift, and it was rude of him to ever reveal the price, even to someone who wasn't me.

Currently I am trying to find a very sneaky way to pay him back, as each time I have tried he has rejected it. Admittedly, I only have about half of the needed amount in savings, and ive been picking up extra shifts at work to try and beef it up. Is there any way I could possibly go about paying him back without him knowing?

I dont think he'll ever know how much the gift truly means to me, and I just feel guilty that he dropped that much money on me just to give me a little peice of culture and memory back. I think a lot of the guilt I feel comes from the fact that I dont have that amount of money, and I worry that I couldnt pay him back at all.

TL;DR

Boyfriend spent 1,300 on a super sentimental birthday gift consisting of my dead grandfathers belongings which hold a lot of sentimental and cultural value to me. He insists he has well enough in his savings account to pay, but I still feel really guilty that he spent that much money on me. He refuses to let me pay him back, and now im wondering if theres something I can do to pay him back on the sly.

Tl;dr My boyfriend (35M) and I (36F) have been together since our early 20s, and I’m realizing that what I need and find attractive in a partner has changed. I want someone with discipline, goals, basic hygiene, and some motivation beyond bed/couch rotting.

He drinks vodka and smokes weed every night. He says it’s not a big deal because he doesn’t get drunk, but the nightly habit concerns me. Trying to discuss it usually makes him extremely defensive.

The hygiene has become another major issue. He has a physically active job but will go around three days without showering and often doesn’t brush his teeth. Meanwhile, he complains that I’m not physical enough with him. I’ve tried explaining that his hygiene affects my attraction to him, but even that becomes an argument. This morning he was literally arguing against showering after work.

Lately, trying to address ANY issue feels like torture. There’s an excuse for everything. I’ve never seen someone fight this hard against doing things that would benefit themselves. Sometimes it feels like he’d rather be toothless and unhappy in the future than inconvenience himself even a little today.

Apparently, expecting him to shower, brush his teeth, and take care of himself makes me “high maintenance.”

The funny/sad part is I haven’t told my family or friends about most of this because they would absolutely NOT think I’m high maintenance. They’d probably think I’m a dumbass who hates herself for putting up with it.

The communication bothers me even more than the hygiene. I once told him, “It’s difficult for me to bring things up to you,” and his response was literally, “No, it’s not.” When I cry, he looks at me like I have three heads and might hand me a Kleenex. No hug, no comforting, nothing.

For a long time I wondered if he was depressed, and I empathize with that deeply because I’ve dealt with pretty severe depression myself since childhood. I know how difficult basic things can become when you’re struggling. But I also know there’s a difference between struggling and refusing to acknowledge that anything needs to change.

Now I find myself wondering if there are narcissistic tendencies, laziness, or just a lack of empathy involved. I know I can’t diagnose him, and honestly the label probably doesn’t matter as much as how unhappy I am with the dynamic.

Before anyone asks why I stayed, we’ve been together a long time and it wasn’t always this extreme. I also have a history of low self-esteem from past trauma. I think there are things I accepted in my 20s that I’m realizing I don’t want to accept anymore.

I’ve told him what I need, and he promised to work on himself, but I haven’t seen meaningful change.

I think I’m finally asking myself whether I’m waiting for him to become the person he promises he’ll be instead of accepting the person he is right now.

I thought I wanted advice, but maybe I needed to vent too. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did things actually change, or did you eventually realize it was time to leave?

31(F)

I think I’ve always known there was something different about the way I exist around other people.

I’ve never really known how to make friends.

Not completely, anyway.

Throughout school and college, I was lucky. Every now and then, someone would come along who made the effort to include me, talk to me, sit with me, invite me somewhere.

Some of those people stayed for years. But eventually, somehow, every friendship disappeared.

And I never really knew how to stop that from happening.
I have terrible social skills and what feels like crippling social anxiety. I watch people have conversations so effortlessly. They meet someone once and somehow become friends. They make plans every weekend. They introduce their friends to their other friends and suddenly there’s this entire little world of people who belong to each other.

I’ve never known how to get into that world.

I can talk to people. That’s the strange part.

When I was working, I had no problem talking to colleagues. I could joke around, have conversations, get along with people. But somehow, none of it ever became something meaningful. Nobody I could call at 10pm. Nobody I could randomly ask to get coffee. Nobody who would notice I’d disappeared.

And now I’m sitting here wondering what exactly is wrong with me?

Because it feels like everyone else was given instructions for how to build a life with other people, and I somehow missed that part.

I don’t even know when it happened. Maybe I’ve just spent so many years being anxious about being rejected that I stopped giving people the opportunity to know me in the first place.

I see people laughing with their friends, going out, having group chats, making memories, and sometimes I wonder what it must feel like to have people who genuinely expect you to be there.

I’m not even sure what I’m asking.

Maybe I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way.

And if you did, how did you finally learn how to belong somewhere?

TL;DR: I’ve always struggled to make and maintain meaningful friendships. I can talk to people, but I have severe social anxiety and have never figured out how to turn conversations into actual friendships. I watch everyone else build social lives so effortlessly, while I feel like I’m standing outside of it. It’s getting real lonely in here.

Me 31F and my boyfriend 43F have been together almost 4 years and his spending and hiding pattern is starting to create some trust issues.

For context, we don’t live together and I haven’t made that commitment to him because I own my own place that I worked for. I like to save and be cautious with my spending to some degree.

I don’t have any desire to control his spending habits because ultimately what he buys with his hard earned money is his choice but when he doesn’t tell me because he knows I’ll be annoyed, it just makes me more annoyed and it’s starting to affect my trust for him because he’s choosing secrecy.

He buys things like a smart ring (£400), a bike, a radio etc not cheap things and then will say he’s trying to claw back money for the week without my knowledge that he is down on money because he’s spent it.

He already has a smart watch that I bought him for his birthday which does pretty much the same as the ring. He often loses his stuff. He’s in an Iva for past financial issues to do with car finance which he does pay every month. He does also pay his rents and always pays me back any money borrowed and I make sure of it.

His spending seems to be an issue because I thought he was actively trying to recover financially and plan for future. I just feel his outlook on spending isn’t the same as mine and I think a financial future between us is unsafe.

The fact that he actively chooses secrecy over honesty upsets me. He will go a week listening to me saying oh it’s great you got such a good paycheck now you can put into your savings, and he agrees, little did I know he was just replenishing what he has already spent and waiting to disclose what he has actually spent his money on.

I don’t want to police his spending in any way, it’s his choice. I just worry.
**TL;DR;**

I a (32/F) and my bf (30/M) have been together for almost 5 years. He got into twitch and seems to be thriving and making friends and getting views. I’m proud of him. So yesterday i came from work did groceries and didn’t get in till 8pm. So normally I leave him to game but recently I’ve been feeling alone so I end up doing my own thing while he games loudly.

This morning I had work so I had to get ready, he didn’t go to sleep till after 4am, I got up at 8am and had to catch a 9.25 train to work. He wanted sex and I said I had to get ready if we did we’d half to be quick but I do r want that cause I like to be intimate, had sex and cuddle. Last night would’ve been perfect but he was gaming. I suggested that maybe for now on maybe after I make dinner you could put down the game and end it for the night and spend time with me cause i work and hardly have intimate moments these days because of this twitch streamin!

He then didn’t take my small request an immediately took it as I don’t want to be with him or had sex and wanted to end the relationship, he even took my key away from the flat! I said I feel cheap cause it effectively felt like a quicky as I want to bore close when we do it but just meet me half way even taking an hour or two from the game eat dinner cuddle and watch a movie the later if he wants to game more he can I just want to be able to get cuddles.
Tldr
Is this too much to ask?

I'm in a difficult situation with my boyfriend who I've known for 7.5 years (been together for 6.5 years) and I'm thinking of breaking things off with him but can't seem to commit to it. We are really similar people - same kind of humour and politics and we want the same things from life.

There are a couple of things happened over our relationship which make me think he's not the right person for me. Firstly when we were dating he didn't get me anything for valentines despite sending him a home made card during COVID-19. Then he "forgot" my birthday in 2020. We were arguing about him not starting text conversations with me and I just was so upset and then it felt like I had to get it out of him that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I was the first one to say I love you. There was a period of time where I was begging him to buy me flowers because I just felt loved when he gave them to me. Now when he gives me flowers it feels hollow because I know how much I had to beg for it.

Between then and 2023 things were okay but I was fighting with him constantly about his cleanliness. He would promise to do the dishes - while unemployed - and the dishes wouldn't be done and be piled up while I was completing my masters. I was so angry. He used to come to my house and leave shit stains on my toilet causing me to kick him out of the house. He would leave dishes and get angry that I assumed that he was leaving them for me. I explained so many times how seeing my mother suffer at the hands of my fathers carelessness broke my heart. So many times. I told him how my father would leave chewing gum out and that I didn't like it. He did it again. I begged and told him that I was getting to my limit with this, that it was draining the life out of me. He then moved to his dads place and things got worse - there was clumps of dog hair across the staircase, the bathroom was a mess, and the kitchen. I tried to explain what I needed. Clean sheets. A clean toilet. A bin. And I felt exhausted trying to manage three grown men to clean a home which wasn't mine. We broke up over this two years ago - and when I came back - I told him that I wanted things to be okay again and that I wouldn't tolerate this anymore. I thought things were sorted. Genuinely. Then I go around his house on our 6th anniversary. Guess what I see? Shit on the toilet seat. When I asked him about this he genuinely told me "he was too busy" and that it wasn't his. I told him that I didn't care. I wanted it sorted and that I didn't want to be trapped in a relationship which was like my parents where I'm always picking up over my partner. When we got back together two years ago he told me that he felt very sorry that he caused me that stress and acknowledged how women often manage that load. That day I was so angry that I shouted at him which I really regret. I told him that it was misogynistic for three men to not do any cleaning or address this issue AND then it fall onto me, someone who doesn't live there, and he started to tell me it wasn't. He denied it. Kept on denying it. He now since says he regrets his actions and that he said that.

On-top of this in 2023 after a really bad argument after I raised my voice he tried to have sex with me without protection. I'd been pretty clear about my boundaries further I was hurt by my boss previously which he supported me through. Right after it happened he said "I thought you wanted it" he then says that because I moaned he thought it would be okay. Obviously not. We had a huge blow out over this and ended up in therapy because of this. When we went over this in therapy he wouldn't accept in some people's minds that this was serious. Despite all this, I wanted to marry him and told him about 4 years in that I see us going the distance and he's always been so so cagey about this. His excuses go from "I'm worried about what kind of husband I will be" to "I can't reassure you in that way I need some tangible next steps" I just wanted to know we were going or at least building towards the distance. Just before I took a trip in Jan we met up and I kept on thinking...shouldn't we be thinking or talking about this? I remember leaving that date heartbroken. I cried one night in Thailand bc I knew he'd never marry me without me begging and pleading. When I got back, we went on another date and wanted to move abroad with me but I just kept on thinking about being married. He sheepishly brought up whether I had an inherited ring or whether we wanted to buy one. I told him I was confused because it didn't seem like he wanted this for the longest time and whether he wanted to go ring shopping. I had to pull it out of him that he actually wanted that. I cried. I cried because this should feel different. I had to beg and cry during the relationship to take every single next step.

In 2024 I got really sick and it changed the trajectory of my life but he still chose to stand by me. And this is what makes it 100X harder to leave. When my family is being toxic he's the first person I call and he gets it. I haven't wanted sex in like forever because of this and he's patient and hasn't broken up with me over this. He's always there for me in other ways. But I don't understand why he can't be there for me in all those other ways. Even when I've withdrawn from the relationship he hasn't broken up with me. I don't know what to do. I'm so unhappy but I love him. Everytime I talk to my friends they say I deserve better and it hurts so much to see family and friends make deeper commitments in less time we have.

TLDR: Struggling with a decision about splitting with my boyfriend. I'm lost.

For some backstory, my bf (25m) cheated on me physically and mentally with SO MANY women in October of 2025… I (26f) found out the worst way too! I drove an hour to his house at like 2am cause he said he was stressed so I wanted to surprise him with some snacks and drinks and cuddles. When I got there I found him in the driveway fvcking some girl in the backseat of her car. ANYWAYS… To my knowledge the cheating hasn’t happened since then, BUT THEN AGAIN I got cheated on for a whole year without knowing. :) we broke up for a couple months and he manipulated me back into him and I fell for all the classic narcissistic gaslighting bullshit. (Be nice, it’s my first time w a man like this) ANYWAYS, I have been fucked up since bro. And BAD… I am a mean evil woman now. (Only to him) I am so angry and irritated at everything else patience wise. Zero patience. He is the worst kind of man there is but I can’t seem to leave. How do I leave? I want out. I’m so miserable… we fight EVERY day. I am not exaggerating. He works 4 days away out of the week and I see him the rest of the days. I am sickened and we share socials and shit. Tonight I made the mistake of re-downloading an app he used to have that’s a burner number to cheat on me and I read all these messages I was too scared to read before. I hate him even more now.. seeing how much he truly cheated on me. I have tried to leave him many times but we always go psycho and end up back with each other. It’s the classic toxic relationship but with extremes. I have changed completely. He’s the man to keep you from going to the store or bending down to pick something up, or talking to a stranger or even controls where you can work and what days!! I am trapped. I want out. PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE HELP.. it’s not as easy as “just leaving.” And yes I know I’m dumb for staying…

Tl;dr I want to leave my abusive relationship but I can’t. It’s so hard every time I try I panic and feel like I’m physically dying. HOW DO I LEAVE!!?! I’m at my wits end… help me.

Long story short, my (33M) gf (30F) has recently gotten really close to one of her coworkers. I’m made incredibly uncomfortable by their friendship dynamic and I really have a problem with the whole situation. However, she has asked me directly before if I have any issues with the whole situation and, in an effort not to project my insecurities onto her, I’ve told her many times everything was fine, despite the exact opposite being true. They hang out often and every time she goes out with him I’m essentially tormented by the intrusive thoughts of them together until she gets back.

I started having dreams about them together pretty quickly after they connected, the first time I told her about it she was pretty sympathetic, but as time went on it made her angry whenever I brought it up. Usually the dreams are pretty short and essentially involve me finding them in bed together. Last night’s dream, however, involved the two of them making out in front of me for what seemed like forever, my gf then leaned down to kiss me too and then shook her head and laughed in my face before going back to him. It felt so absurdly vivid and real that’s it’s been a drain in my entire day.

She has never given me a reason not to trust her, but I don’t know what to make of any of this because these dreams happen so often. I’ve also recently started taking fluoxetine and I know that can make dreams more vivid.

TLDR: My gf recently became friends with a guy and their dynamic makes me very uncomfortable. As a result I’ve been having cheating dreams that involve them together.

Tl; Dr advice on partners parents. I said something I shouldn’t have to my boyfriend’s parents the other week, I can’t remember the topic of conversation but I told them I was happy I didn’t get pregnant with my ex. I said this because my ex was a manipulative toxic guy that treated me horribly and having ties to him would’ve been awful. My boyfriend is the sweetest most loving guy and I’m so grateful I have a baby with him. My boyfriend’s parents then took that and asked him if he’s sure he’s the father of my baby and to be careful like I could’ve cheated and the baby may not be his. Is this my fault they assume this or is that really hurtful and proves they don’t trust me or necessarily even like me? How do I go about this?

Also I wouldn’t ever cheat and the baby is 100% his.

Hi all,

I’ve been with my partner for 12 years. He’s honest, smart, deeply caring, and always considers me in his decisions. We’ve been through many stages of life together, and I really value what we have.

At the same time, we’re opposites in quite a few ways. One of the biggest issues for me is that he smokes cigarettes and weed, while I’m very focused on health and longevity. It feels like a major clash in values/lifestyle. He says he intends to quit within the next five years.

Three years ago, I met someone who felt almost like the male version of me. Nothing happened between us, and we haven’t been in contact for years, but meeting him made me question whether being so different from my partner means we’re actually right for each other. I still think about him sometimes.

We’re now planning a simple civil wedding in about a month, mainly for practical/financial reasons. We already see ourselves as committed, so we didn’t expect marriage to change much.

But as the date gets closer, I’m suddenly questioning everything. I can’t tell if this is normal anxiety around getting married or if these doubts are pointing to something bigger.

I’m also very aware that I’m marrying the person he is today — a smoker — not the version of him who may quit in five years. I think that realization scares me. (Also, he was not a smoker when we started dating.)

Has anyone been through something similar? I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Is “he is the one” feeling really real?

TL;DR: I’ve been with a loving, caring partner for 12 years, but we have some major lifestyle differences, especially his smoking vs. my focus on health. We’re getting married in a month, and I’m suddenly questioning whether my doubts are normal pre-marriage anxiety or a sign that our differences matter more than I’ve admitted.

To start, I know my behaviour is unhealthy, and I'm genuinely trying to work on it, so please no hate. I'm looking for advice because I don't want to keep feeling or acting this way.
My boyfriend (21M) and I (19F) have been together for 2.5 years. During the first year of our relationship, I was completely fine with him doing things outside of our relationship. If he wanted to go to an event with his family, hang out with friends, or do something without me, I didn't really think twice about it.
Over time, though, something changed. Now, whenever he tells me he has plans with friends or family, I immediately feel upset and angry. It almost feels like a switch flips in my head.
A big part of this comes from the fact that there has been disloyalty on his end in the past. Because of that, one of my biggest fears is that he'll go out, notice other girls, compare me to them, or realise that there are other people he'd rather be around. But what's confusing is that I can feel this way even when he's going to something completely innocent, like a family birthday where I know exactly who will be there.
Another fear I have is that he'll realise he's happier when he's around other people and slowly detach from me. I worry that if he enjoys himself without me, he'll eventually want to spend less time with me.
He's also from a very large family and has a lot of friends, so he has things going on pretty regularly — birthdays, family gatherings, casual outings with friends, etc. I don't have much family outside of my parents, and I only have a small number of friends, so I think our situations are very different. I sometimes feel bitter because it seems like he has this whole life and community outside of me, while I don't have nearly as much of that.
In the past, I would get so upset that he'd sometimes choose not to go to events just to avoid an argument with me. I know that wasn't fair to him. Recently, I've stopped restricting him and I don't tell him he can't go anywhere anymore. I've been trying to hide my feelings and let him do his thing, but the anger and hurt are still there underneath, and it's starting to affect our relationship.
I don't want to control him. I don't want him to feel like he has to choose between me and his friends or family. I genuinely understand that having a life outside of your relationship is healthy.
I've tried distracting myself and making plans with my own friends when he's busy, but even then, the initial feeling of anger and betrayal still comes back. It's like I logically understand that he's done nothing wrong, but emotionally I still feel abandoned or threatened.
I've also tried going to some of these events with him, but his parents disapprove of me because of my ethnicity and religion, and his extended family has also treated me disrespectfully or been passive-aggressive toward me. Because of that, we've decided it's better for me not to attend family events anymore. As for his friends, I could obviously go to some things, like birthdays, but he often just casually hangs out with his friend group, and I don't want to constantly insert myself into his friendships either.
The thing that frustrates me most is that I know Im being irrational\*\*.\*\* I know he's allowed to have friends. I know he's allowed to love his family. I know him spending time with other people doesn't mean he loves me less. I know that he can have fun without me and still be happy in our relationship.
So why does it still feel like a personal attack every time he does something without me?
When we're together, everything feels completely fine. He's loving, affectionate, and makes me feel secure. But the second I'm reminded that he has a life outside of our relationship, I seem to completely flip.
I hate feeling this insecure and miserable, and I don't want my boyfriend to have to give up parts of his life just to keep me happy. I also don't want to keep starting arguments over things that aren't actually wrong.

How can I stop this?

TLDR: I get mad everytime my boyfriend has a life outside of me.

honestly don’t know what to think anymore, and I’m hoping you can give me some perspective because I feel completely lost.

Tl; dr My boyfriend (M26) is moving abroad to start a restaurant. He has decided that he wants to break up because we cannot do long distance. I wouldn’t (F21) move, so I know there isn’t an easy solution here.

But I’m struggling so much with the question of whether he actually cares about me.

He tells me he loves me. Sometimes he’s affectionate and sweet, and when I tell him I’m hurt or feeling neglected, he does try to change. But it never seems to last.

When we’re together, he also spends a lot of time gaming or messaging his gaming friends. Sometimes I feel like I’m sitting right beside him and still somehow feel so alone.

What really hurts is that I’m almost always the one who brings up how much I’m going to miss him or how painful it is to lose each other. If I say I’m going to miss him, he’ll agree, but he doesn’t really say those things first. Sometimes he tells me I should move on because I deserve better.

And I know that might actually be him trying to be kind. Maybe he genuinely believes he can’t give me what I need. Maybe he does love me but has chosen his future over our relationship.

But I just wonder, if he really loves me, why doesn't he seem more afraid of losing me?

I feel like I’m looking for proof that I mattered to him. I want to know that this hurts him too. I want to know that the time we had together was real and that I wasn’t just someone he was comfortable with until something more important came along.

I’m scared that I’m interpreting every “I love you” and every affectionate moment as something false because I desperately don't want to believe that he doesn’t care much at all.

Please be honest with me. I don't necessarily need reassurance. I just need help seeing this clearly.

Im F19 he is M20. I always try to prepare for the future by talking about plans and what we should do, and of course the "buying a house" topic has come up a lot. I personally never want to own a house, and would rather live in an apartment.

My resasons:
I'm autistic and the thought of owning a house is overwhelming, opposed to an apartment there are less responsibilites/bills/items/cleaning and I dont carry the thought of knowing i have to own such a huge thing.
And this next reason might be stupid.. But I can't function in a place that isn't visually pleasing, he already would rather me fully decorate and color scheme, so this directly leads into the fact I dont like the exterior of any house, and Ill never be happy with one. Thinking about picking a house based on exterior and interior and then rennovating EVERYTHING then staying forever sounds horrible. Outside of that i am much better and much more organized when it comes to finances and life stuff. He relys on me for my knowledge and help constantly already now, and i dont mind at all. However this means that all of the home finances/legal stuff would fall onto me to keep steady and its way too much for me to handle considering i dont trust that he WONT mess it up on his own. I'm also the one who will be cleaning, so now that adds exterior cleaining and yard care.

His reasons:
Very simple reasons, he believes its morally correct to raise a child in a home, wants to have our own personal space, and wants to know we own it.

Thoughts:
None of his reasons are wrong, i personally dont feel like home vs apartment for a child doesnt really matter as long as they live heathly lives with plenty of exposure to other kids and people. And honestly id only want a home for a garge to work on my car. But personal space wise, an apartment is like our own little pod and i prefer it that way, it feels much safer to me.
I understand this is a huge thing and i feel like one of the two needs to be decided now so its already figured out for the future. But i just cant handle house, i dont know what to do. When i bring up not owning a home, it feels like this is a non negotiable to him.

TL;DR
I cant take on the responsibility and mental capacity of owning a home because of my autism and majority of the load falls onto me and want to stay in apartments. He wants a home for the future of ourchild, owning property, and space.

Me (28M) and my girlfriend (26F) of 3 years were watching WWE the other night and I randomly challenged her to an actual wrestling match in our backyard with the same kind of rules. I even told her she could pick whatever reward she wanted if she won. She got pumped and invited a few of her friends over (one of them used to referee in college).
We put mats down. I said any moves were fair game and there was no way she could beat me like she’s too weak to win. She said, “Are you sure?” I replied, “I don’t lose to girls, so you’re gonna lose anyway.”
Best of 3. I took the first round easily. Second round she locked in a leg scissors and I had to tap. Third round I took her down and turned my back for one second to set up a finishing move. I was looking for a probe. I didn’t notice she was behind me and by that time I was about to turn, she didn’t waste a second and straight up hit me with a hard low blow right between the legs with her arm.
I crumpled immediately. The pain was no joke. She got what she aimed. She rolled me over, the ref counted to 3 while I was pinned down by her, I couldn’t move before the count ended and the ref declared her the winner. All her friends in the audience lost it and cheered for her. She walked over while I was still down and yelled “Who’s the weak one now?” Everyone video taped the whole match. It was really embarrassing.
Now she wants $2000 as her reward. I’m requesting her for a rematch. She is not agreeing as she thinks she won fair and square and I deserved the L for trash talking her.

TL;DR: Challenged my gf and lost. Now she is asking for $2k.

TL;DR; me and my boyfriend’s** ***one year* is coming up. How can I surprise him sexually?** **

Me and my boyfriend are going on a romantic getaway to a barrier island location in the southern United States. We’ve been together for about a year or so (in a month) he seems to be curious to do anal, but I’m not fully sure if I’m there yet. I never have taken any sort of sex ed class or really know how to prepare for that anyway however, I’m open to doing that for a surprise, I just wanna know what is the most appealing thing I can do for you and would it be that? I am genuinely just scared to somehow shit myself… lmfao … And also any first time experience if that is the case how that may go into prepare myself. I also want to know personal experience. What do you think is sexiest thing your partner could do for you?

My girlfriend is the love of my life and my best friend. She’s the first person I’ve ever truly loved, and being with her has brought down walls in me that I genuinely thought might always be there. In a lot of ways, loving her has changed my relationship with intimacy and helped me move beyond a lot of my avoidant tendencies.

The sex is good, but I also know that, for physical reasons, there’s probably a ceiling on how good it can be. And I think I’m okay with that. Love, to me, is about so much more than sex. When I imagine myself at 40, 50 and beyond, I’d much rather be beside someone I deeply love than someone I’m only okay with because the sex is amazing. Sex drives change and bodies change. What we have feels much more important and enduring than that. The difficulty is that her sex drive is much higher than mine. It can take me six days or more to naturally get to a place where I really desire sex, whereas she would happily have it every day or every other day. So a lot of the time when we have sex, I’m doing it more for her than because I’m actively craving it myself. I enjoy making her happy, but I’m also conscious of that imbalance.

The part I struggle with most is that I sometimes see other women who are more conventionally “my type” and feel an immediate attraction that I don’t always feel as strongly towards her. That brings up an immense amount of guilt, because she is genuinely beautiful. I’ve just always had a particular physical type, and she isn’t completely that.

But when it comes to who she actually is, there is no comparison. Her character, her kindness, her humour, the way she loves me, the friendship we have and the person I get to share my life with are things I don’t find in other people. There is no one like her, and I feel incredibly lucky to have her. I think what I’m trying to reconcile is the fact that the person I love most in the world doesn’t necessarily produce the strongest or most immediate sexual desire in me, and whether those two things actually need to perfectly align for a relationship to be deeply fulfilling.

TL;DR: My girlfriend is the love of my life and my best friend, and I can genuinely see myself spending my life with her. But her sex drive is much higher than mine, and I sometimes feel stronger immediate physical attraction towards women who are more conventionally my “type.” I still enjoy sex with her and value what we have far more than sexual chemistry alone, but I feel guilty and conflicted that my love for her and my sexual desire don’t perfectly align. Is this something you accept in a great relationship and soldier on, or is it likely to become a bigger problem?

Is riding home with my (30F) girl bff and her bf(35M) not appropriate? This is when me (30F) and my girl bff went somewhere and her bf just fetched us going to our home? My guy (26M) is saying things to me that I always want to be drove home with someone’s bf even if the gf is there

TLDR: Riding home with girl bff with his bf

The recent situation is actually my cousin and I went out and we were picked up by her bf to drive us home (same house) then my guy is saying things to me that I am always like this I want to be drove/dropped off on my home with someone else’s bf (to be clear with the gf of course)

I’m having a hard time explaining or understanding why he thinks of that like that. We are in LDR. I don’t have a car. I
don’t understand I even ask him “do you mean you want me to commute by myself and my cousin will go with his bf in a car”? We were picked up at 11pm btw.

But before this, I had the same scenario with my girl bffs with their bf. Usually when we go out too like bff’s day or sometimes bff’s day with their bf.

Everytime I try to explain I am not doing anything he thinks what I say is always attacking him I really don’t know what to say anymore can you guys help me out lol

Am I really the problem here 😭

We have been together for 2 years now and all is going well. We are still young so I do understand we need time to get to know the very deepest depths of our individual selfs and I'm okay with that.

So recently about few days back I sent my gf a spice message of me getting to see her butt in some nice lingerie which I do buy a few for her now and again. The message was obviously a lot more crass and sexually charged so I was waiting for a similar vulgar response from her but never got it. I didn't make a big deal about it I simply replied by saying "baby I'd love it if you replied in a more sexual manner that will give me a dirty image in my head". Something along those lines to which she claimed she doesn't want to send me messages like that as she doesn't know what picture or direction I have in my head of the conversation. I replied with I understand her worry and I'm assuring her my mind is a blank page she can colour it however she wants, she must just have fun with the responses and not think about it too much. I didn't know I just set off a nuclear bomb.

Fast forward to the next day and I'm at work and she texts me "I'm horny and the weather is quite cold". I reply "hmm nice, it is a bit cold that's why I took a jacket today". SHE BLEW UP. I check my phone to see if she replied and she sent a wall of text saying she feels embarrassed and doesn't know what I want from her as she just tried dirty talking/sexting and I didn't even care about it. I was shocked to say the least. I still am. So we have a back and forth of how what she said didn't quite give me the picture she was trying to sext and I'm trying to be respectful and gentle as I understand it's not easy if you're not used to it. So it ended being an argument where she said I was attacking her and criticizing her by telling her should could've said it differently and giving her examples. She said I'm comparing to a dumb school girl that doesn't know what she's doing by explaining how I want her to sext. I apologized for the unintentional criticism or my opinion on how sexting should be between us.

She later said something that gave me an idea of where she stood sexually which was comparing sexting to acting or saying things like you're in a porno. She said it's unnatural and this is real life with real feeling involved. So this showed me she might be more conservative concerning such things. I never knew she was like this cause she has been doing everything right sexually and I have no complaints but I regret sharing with her my fantasy of talking dirty over the phone.

TLDR: Girlfriend tried to sext and it flew over my head which got her big mad. I made suggestions on how we could sexully text each other. She feels attacked that I'm not accepting her current way of sexting which isn't sexting in my opinion. It blew up into an argument and I'm now the bad guy. I regret ever asking her to try it out. She revealed something that makes me believe she is more conservative than I am.

I (18F) just started my first corporate job a few days ago, and I work 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day. I’m usually pretty busy, but the work itself isn’t particularly difficult.
Ever since I started, though, my sex drive has been INSANE. 😭

Usually my sex drive is pretty minimal/moderate, but now I want my boyfriend (19M) constantly. I miss him so much while I’m at work, even though we obviously weren’t spending time together during the day before I started working either.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m suddenly spending 8 hours a day away from him or because my routine has completely changed, but I practically jump on him whenever I see him after work now. 😂

Has anyone else experienced something like this after starting a full-time job or making a big change to their daily routine? I genuinely don’t understand what happened to me. 😭

Extra context: we have been together for three years, and can easily go longer stretches without sex as it isn’t the most important part of our relationship

tl;dr I REALLY want my boyfriend- a LOT more than normal

I think it is finally time to end my relationship. I am 28f and he is 32m. We’ve been together over 6 years, lived together 4.

Our lease isn’t up until February 2027. We have a dog who we both love as much as a child.

He hasn’t yet paid rent this month and I’m considering telling him to find a new place with the money he would have given me for rent. Is this unfair?

I can’t pay for our rent alone so I will have to figure something out. I don’t know where to go or what to do.

The straw that broke the camels back was him giving me the silent treatment on my birthday, no birthday wishes, nothing. I left him to do my own thing and decided I don’t deserve this treatment. I don’t want to be called names anymore. I don’t want to have to ask him for bare minimum. We are stuck in a cycle. I don’t want to continue hurting myself to save his feelings.

Any advice on how to proceed?

TLDR: time to end things with a love that I live with. Stuck in toxic cycles. How do I go about it?

I (F34) have been together with my partner (M37) for ten years. Important context: he’s on the autism spectrum and while he is a very loving and supportive partner, sometimes he can be a little bit too blunt and say something upsetting without meaning to.

My whole department was laid off about two months ago due to company budget issues. I was about ten years into my career and had climbed the management ladder slightly. Because the field I work in is struggling financially right now, it’s been extremely difficult to find open jobs at or within a few rungs of where I was. I’ve found it frustrating and depressing to pour time into all my cover letters and never hear back, and I’ve gradually made peace with the reality that the market is saturated and I’ll likely be starting over. I try not to talk about it more than once or twice a week to my partner because I don’t want to be grating or a huge bummer, but he understands I’ve been struggling, super sad, and my mental health has taken a nosedive.

I finished my first interview today for a position that is comparable where I began my career. While I was disappointed that it was the first genuine option I’ve had, I focused on the fact that I NAILED the interview. She was incredibly complimentary, we had a great back and forth, and at the end she scheduled me for a second interview.

When I shared the exciting news with my partner, he congratulated me and then immediately started pointing out possible concerns and issues about the position. He says - and I 100% believe him - that he was trying to be supportive by raising questions to discuss during the next meeting to make sure the job would be a good fit. Even though I can see where he’s coming from, I still feel kind of hurt. It was the first time I’ve felt hopeful and excited about anything since I lost my job two months ago, and even though it was a product of his neurodivergence, he did immediately burst that bubble. I can’t tell if I’m being unfair by wishing he was a little more thoughtful about how hard the past couple of months have been for me before he spoke, or if I’m being unfair to myself by not explaining why it was not an appropriate moment to share those questions.

tl/dr: lost my job two months ago. My partner, who is on the spectrum, pointed out a bunch of hypothetical potential problems with the first position I’ve gotten an interview for and now I’m back to feeling depressed. Not sure if I’m being unfair, ableist, and looking to blame someone for feeling shitty, or if I’m reacting proportionally and it’s important for him to learn how to speak more sensitively in future.

tldr so.. i went on my BF phone. he is 36 years old, i’m 35. dating for 6 months. i have been cheated lots of times on the past and i’m very insecure. this man gave me no reason to snoop. none. but I did it anyways. found nothing cheating related.

buuut found and insta grupo chat with 2 other friends where they exchange pics of insta models or OF models. the pics did not bother me, it was what they wrote about it. they tell each other that they what to fuck the girl and how they would do it. it’s like the 3 of them are getting hard with the writing. it gave me the ick. but this man is good to me. this was such an wierd thing to find. he is present, he cares for me, he respects me, he makes me feel welcomed in his life, he wants me to be his partner for life. he is great.

so, i gaddered myself and found the courage to tell me what i have done and what i saw. first he cried, laying down on the bed, just asking me “why?”. then started do kiss me, we had sex. during said he said “i’m so fuxking angry with you” then multiple times “i love u so much”. when over he said he still wanted to take me to dinner. he missed me (2 days since we last saw each other) and just wanted to be close and have a good time with me. and so we did. when we got home, we talked some more. he was very emotional mature with my breach of privacy.

i believed he understood my reasoning. I don’t thing he understood that my fear was not only that he would breakup with me over the snooping, but also that I wasn’t sure I would breakup with him for the group chat. regarding this last part, he laughed at the group chat, saying it was just something they did, based on some videos that guys had ranking girls or whatever. I don’t know.

we had sex again after, it was like a 1 hour sex session, with pauses in between where he would hold me close, look me in the eyes, saying how much he really like me, my face, memorizing my features, and this age, so he could memorize me years on out, seeing it change with age my his side. i mean, the whole thing was pretty romanting and I felt really great and this wasn’t the turn out I expected from this convo. however, i still feel pretty bad about the group chat. very insecure. what would you do?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend and he treats me well overall, but whenever I bring up something that bothers me, he tends to deflect and make the conversation about himself. I’ve brought this up before, but the behavior hasn’t changed. I’m starting to wonder if this is something we can work through or if I should leave.

I (F21) have been dating my boyfriend (M23) for about four months now. I honestly can’t complain about a lot of our relationship, especially since it’s still fairly new, and I still love him very much. He’s everything I’ve always wanted in a boyfriend, especially after being single for the past year and keeping things casual with other guys. He takes care of me, remembers the little things I like, gets coffee with me, and overall has treated me really well.

We haven’t had many arguments aside from conversations about boundaries and what we expect from each other in a relationship. There were a few things I did fairly early on that I admit were my fault. I took accountability for them and reassured him that I understood what I did wrong and that I wouldn’t repeat those mistakes.

However, there is one quality about him that I’ve really struggled with, and I think it may be contributing to how I feel about our relationship now.

Whenever I bring up something that bothered me, something I felt was disrespectful, or something where I feel like I’m not being treated the way I should be, he tends to deflect the issue and make the conversation about himself. It almost feels like he becomes the victim instead of addressing what I originally brought up.

This has happened a few times, but one situation really sticks with me.

Around the end of August, I started feeling doubtful about our relationship and whether we were going to work long-term. I understand that hearing your partner say they’re unsure about the relationship can be hurtful, and I don’t blame him for not taking it well. But I thought that being honest about how I was feeling and talking it through with him would help me feel better and give me a better understanding of how I actually felt about the relationship.Instead, the conversation ended up becoming about reassuring him that I wasn’t going to leave. He even brought it up again while we were in public, and I ended up basically pleading with him that everything was going to be okay and promising him that I wouldn’t feel that way again.

Later, when we hung out, he brought it up again even though I thought we had already talked about it and moved past it. I was honestly shocked because I felt like I had originally brought something up because I needed to talk through my feelings, but somehow I ended up being the one comforting him and reassuring him that I wasn’t going anywhere.

I’m not even completely sure what caused me to become doubtful in the first place. The only thing I could really think of was that I had finally become comfortable being alone. After my first breakup, it took me a while to be okay with being by myself. I spent about a year enjoying that peace and becoming comfortable on my own, so maybe part of me just became uncertain about being in a serious relationship again.

But fast-forward to today: I brought something up to him that felt weird/off to me, and the exact same thing happened. He deflected, didn’t really reassure me, and once again the conversation became about him instead of what I was trying to address.

I ended up crying because I’m honestly exhausted from feeling like I can’t comfortably bring something up when something doesn’t feel right to me.

What bothers me most is that I’ve already brought up this communication issue before. I’ve given him chances, I’ve tried to explain how it makes me feel, and yet I’m still seeing the same behavior.

I still love him, and outside of this issue, I genuinely think he’s an amazing boyfriend. That’s what makes this so difficult. I don’t want to throw away a relationship over something that could potentially be worked on, but I also don’t want to stay in a relationship where I eventually feel like I have to keep my feelings to myself just to avoid conflict.

So I guess I’m asking: Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or is this a bigger red flag than I’m making it out to be? Should I stay and see if he changes, or leave before I become more emotionally invested?