I’m never living with people again.
I’ve had the displeasure of being disrespected and dehumanized on a daily basis. These hypocrites treat me like a housemaid, atm, secretary, mom/wife.
They trespass into my room and steal important documents (clinical logs for hours signed off by my preceptor because they’re now starting the same program I already graduated from and they got nosy and thought they could outsmart the system. It won’t, they’ll get flagged). They have stolen my other belongings in the common areas. They have recorded me without my knowledge or consent in common areas, and idk what the fuck they’re doing with my audio or videos. They have trespassed into my room while I was showering in my bathroom several times doing who knows what (found my bedroom door open when I made sure to lock and close it before showering). They have stolen some of my gold jewelry (gift from family). They have also stolen my lunch at work (one of my ex roommates works at the same place I do and is buddies with my current roommates). They have also taken my mail.

And the worst part? They deny, gaslight, and have the audacity to be so ungrateful and rude while acting like I did them wrong. It’s targeted harassment and I’m so fucking sick of their shit because all the stuff that’s been happening to me at work and home is way too coincidental - and it all boils down to the same people and same patterns.

They don’t respect my rights. They cast stones and hide their hand and act like they did nothing wrong. I’m not allowed to be upset when they violate my boundaries and my rights, but they will fucking lie so much to twist things like I did them wrong. If I make a request, it’s unreasonable, “stupid”, or passive aggressive. They’ll say it’s a woman thing. But they can be passive aggressive underhanded little shits everyday, hide their hand, to try to incite a reaction. If they act like a little bitch, suddenly it means I did something wrong to offend them. Oh please 🙄

Ungrateful pricks gave me so much shit over utilities when their usage was through the roof, then had the gall to whine about paying their share. I decided not to cover it anymore. They played hot potato. Suddenly their usage went down and then they had the audacity to accuse me of lying about how much they were using and owed for a whole year. No bitch, you just used a lot of energy and suddenly were more conservative and mindful about it once the bill was under YOUR name. The little bitch then said it was too hard to cover utilities for 1 week and passed it to the next. Now everyone is much more mindful about energy usage (cuz bros are more considerate of other men but couldn’t give a shit if a woman is bearing the burden of their bs)

I have all the receipts but they want to act like it’s somehow my fault the utilities are expensive. When I’d share the bill to them, do the math and break down how much everyone owed, they’d act like I didn’t send receipts of the bill and ignore my messages.

One fucker is a liar and manipulator. He deleted some of my texts from the group chat, and took a screenshot to complain and make it seem like I didn’t share the bill or what was owed in the chat. From my end, ALL the bills and breakdown of expenses were sent and shown delivered. He was trying to scam me, but then turned around and started accusing me of scamming him and overcharging for utilities. All my male roommates were giving me so much shit about how much they owed for utilities and would insinuate that I was overcharging them (I wasn’t, they weren’t mindful of energy usage).

I can’t wait to live alone. These fuckers can eat shit and die. I hate their ungrateful disrespectful ass. I hope they meet their match from hell and get pulled through the ringer. I hope all the bs they did to me comes back to them with a vengeance and bites them back 10 fold. I want them to suffer all the bullshit they put me through.

I did nothing wrong to these assholes and did right by them, but they have the audacity to act the way they do. Fuck them all to hell for violating my rights and boundaries. They belong in prison.

So we have contacted the landlord. I have spoken with him today about the whole situation. The agreement between myself and my landlord is that an N5 will be filed once we have sufficient evidence.

Currently as for evidence, we have my nutella jar which was found in her trash outside. (She just loves to throw her garbage out the door and leave it unsorted, leaving it for others to do). This jar did indeed have my initial and my partners initial on the bottom of the jar. So yeah, it's ours. Another one would be our Cobs scone box empty in her room.

I will be discussing the possibility of placing a camera of sorts in only the kitchen. Thoughts on this?

Some other fun habits Karla has: she loves to take someones clothes out of the washer (still wet) and dump them onto the ground to put hers in. She also loves to leave the house for days on end without moving her laundry from the washer.

Anyways, I think this is a good enough update. This response she had to me saying there were initials on the bottom was truly laughable. Like tell me you're guilty without telling me you're guilty.

TL;DR: this is mostly a vent about how my roommate talks for hours about his problems and it takes me multiple tries of telling him I don’t want to talk to him before he shuts up.

We share a dorm room and the first thing he told me is that he declined a full ride scholarship to a prestigious school in a difficult major to pursue film as a major. Then he told me how his entire family is dead without prompting. Okay, I said like oh I’m sorry to hear that. I get why he looks sad. I was setting up my room so I was just like yeah. Sure whatever. I don’t really remember what else he said but I quickly left because I wanted to say hi to my friends.

I prefer to live alone and I usually use my room to have quiet time where I don’t talk to anyone. So I get im kinda dickish for being curt and running off. But when I get back to my dorm at like 10 pm, I’m in a better mood. And I engage with him a bit. I forgot what we were first talking about, but he slowly transitioned into talking about how you’d never meet anyone like him and how he’s different. Okay i get that because well it seems like he has a harsh life. But then he keeps talking and talking about how he’s being discriminated against because people fear what they don’t understand. And I’m like okay he’s a person of color and lived in a rough part of neighborhood and I get that. But it kinda starts being clear that… people don’t want to talk to him because he just keeps going on and on. He also complains about that people aren’t straightforward with him.

At some point i politely say hey, it’s 12 am. I really only use this place to have some quiet. (I spend most of my time outside the dorm) then hes like “okay all I want is some connection. That’s the reason I’m dorming is to have connection. I can buy a house if I want to and live alone.” I say okay, but I still don’t want to talk. And he keeps talking. I mention he said he wanted people to be straightforward and im being straightforward. And it takes 3 times for him to leave me alone.

I don’t talk to him for a week or so besides a few words.

Then tonight, i feel a bit bad for not talking to him. So I talk to him. I ask him about his day. He says he’s had a terrible 2 weeks. His stuff got stolen, he’s not making friends. So I listen and actually try to engage. And then we talk about movies and weed and it’s like actually light hearted for once. Then he slowly starts talking about how people are discriminating against him again. And then gets angry when I told him that our roommates made a group chat (He was added.) because well he brought the idea of talking together as roommates in the first week and we haven’t done it until one of roommates made a chat. And how he cant make it that day that we brought up. He doesn’t text the groupchat this despite him knowing it’s there. And he starts complaining about he’s so sick of this “hi” and “bye” like short conversations. Full admission, I’m unemployed. I got jack shit to do besides look for jobs and do my homework. I just wanna be alone. But my two other roommates work. They need their time. And I get why they don’t talk to him because he’s like this.

Because I’m sick of him i cut him off and say again, hey you’re in my space again. I didn’t consent to hear you talk for 2 hours (im not kidding) about your problems. At some point i stop replying for 30 minutes and he keeps talking and talking. And then he says well where I grew up no one had to consent to talk to people. And I say youre making me uncomfortable because you’re drunkenly ranting at me. (Prob not the best thing to say)

And he says well he’s not drunk why do you think im drunk. I point out he’s drinking an alcohol drink. He says he has high tolerance. And he’s not ranting he’s expressing his emotions. I say i get it but I also have struggles but I tell that to the campus therapist. But then he says like oh but I want to talk to you because we’re in the same room. So I start telling him I don’t want to talk again because it’s 12 am. Again it takes a few tries until he stops talking to me.

I think he may be on the spectrum because he said how he doesn’t understand people. I get that, but please take my advice and go see the campus therapist man.

Edit to add TL;DR

TL;DR: Roommate went into our private room and bathroom to clean them because she felt the need to.

It seems petty to complain about this given what a lot of other people experience with their roommates that is much more serious or gross, but what our roommate did today just has me at a loss for words.

My partner and I and our two small dogs are renting a room for just a month in an apartment from the renter who lives here. We ended up here on a whim because our original arrangement fell through the day we were moving from almost three hours away. So, my partner found us this room, which all things considered, is pretty wonderful.

Our roommate, from day 1 already gave us the feeling that she is a bit anal about cleaning and has a sensitive nose. One day when we cooked a delicious meal with curry, she opened all the windows and even the door to the apartment to “ventilate” the place. Fine— I get it; not everyone enjoys the smell of good cuisine, but I digress..

I should mention that though I myself am a pretty clean and organized person, my partner has adhd and tends to be a bit more on the messy side. But in this apartment, he’s been careful about following our roommate’s unspoken rules about cleanliness and all. So, it is primarily our private room (emphasis on private) that can get slightly messy, but nothing out of this world.

Anyway, today she mentioned she’d be mopping the floor in the shared areas of the apartment and we told her that works because we’d be going out for a bit with our dogs (she tries to vacuum when we’re out because our pups get scared at the vacuum and bark). So we leave for about two or so hours. We come back and she yells, “no no no no no! The floor is wet. Do you have to be in here right now?” I say, “umm we can wait downstairs until you’re done. Just let us know”. Great. We wait about 30-40 minutes until she is done mopping the floor, come back up and as we are entering the apartment— we’re not even fully inside yet—she says super fast, “oh, idk if you guys know but you can mop in your room, too. So I went in there and cleaned your room, took the sheets and blankets off the bed and are washing them because it smelled in there. I hope y’all don’t mind!” …. -__-

We were shocked but didn’t know what to say. We noticed she also went into our bathroom (she has her own) and cleaned that, too, plus washed our towels and the floor mats.

And look, am I mad someone did chores for me? Not entirely, BUT it feels like such a huge invasion of our privacy AND like my mommy just got upset that I didn’t clean my room so she had to do it, you know what I mean?

We are here for another two weeks with an option to extend to the end of the month if we don’t find anything else, but man I am about ready to just leave because who the F does that??? Her need to clean even spaces that aren’t hers feels like she may struggle with some sort of disorder, but then why in the world would you want roommates and be okay with said roommates having small dogs? Our dogs don’t smell, by the way. We bathe them regularly.

Like I said— I am at a loss for words.

Just became a college freshman and decided to dorm with a person I knew all the way from elementary school. He’s not really a friend, but he’s a familiar person. My mind was so focused on summer break that I hardly even thought about this choice. It seemed pretty reasonable to room with him as he was a pretty chill person.

HUGE MISTAKE

First day at the dorm and it’s already off to a horrible start. This guy tells me he vapes. He could’ve told me that BEFORE we got moved in. This is mostly my fault though, because I didn’t even think to ask him. I seriously didn’t take him for someone who vaped though. So every day I’m getting headaches from his cotton candy or fruit flavored nicotine all within the confined space of a dorm room.

Then I experience my first night in the dorm room.

This dude snores so goddamn loudly, coughs like a sickly child, AND TALKS constantly in his sleep. When I finally go to bed and try to sleep his alarm wakes me up. I wouldn’t care if he just got up and did his business, but the alarm doesn’t even PHASE HIM. He has like 5 damn alarms, and it takes at LEAST 5 minutes for him to process each one. I got up took a 20 minute shower, took a dump, brushed my teeth, shaved, washed my face and came back to the room. This guys alarm was STILL going off. I get him to wake up and I’m like “Yo how the heck did you sleep through your alarm for so long, don’t you have to get going to classes?” He responds “My bad bro I thought the alarm was part of the dream I was having. I don’t have classes until 11 am”

Why do you need 5 separate alarms at 7:00 in the morning if you’re not going to wake up until like 9:00 AM. 🫩

While all this is going on we’re in the middle of a wonderful heat wave!! 😃 You know what this guy does? He leaves the window OPEN every god damn DAY. I was like “hey why do you keep opening the window? The room is really hot and humid” he responds “oh, I just wanted to let some fresh air in” (keep in mind we have AC and it actually feels nice and cool with the window closed)

By the way,

HE IS FUCKING SHIRTLESS WITH NO SHORTS ON.

HE IS DRENCHED IN SWEAT, VAPE BY HIS SIDE

AND HE COMPLAINS ABOUT THE HEAT EVERYDAY

WHY ARE YOU OPENING THE WINDOW??? 😭

I have to smell his SWEATY ass body after he goes and plays basketball or visits frats, his insanely strong cologne, vape flavors, and the microwave popcorn he makes nearly every day. Even so, there is no way in HELL I want that window open.

If my situation wasn’t bad enough already. He throws all his shit and clothes around the room. I literally come back to the dorm and this dude has his dirty shorts and socks hanging on the side of my bed. I ask him about it and he goes “I’m pretty sure I put my stuff away, I thought that stuff was yours”

He’s over 6 feet tall and I’m 5 foot fucking 7. There’s no way those are my shorts bro. They would look like pants on me 😭

I’ve asked him to at least vape outside the room. I feel like this would be fair considering I brought a microwave and mini fridge for us to share (which he pretty much uses himself). But he openly does it in front of me while trying to hide it. Like dude do you think I’m an idiot or are you just trying to piss me off? I’m in the room like a few hours a day not counting sleep. Can he not hold it in for that long? The first thing he does is vape when he wakes up 😭

Regardless of all of this he’s mostly a nice guy, I’ve known him for a while, and he’s pretty friendly so it’s awkward to leave to another dorm room. Especially when I’m not entirely vocal about these issues (mostly because the few times I tried, he didn’t give a shit) But I swear to god if I get the opportunity to switch then I’m getting my ass out of here as quick as I can. Praying I get a decent roommate or single dorm. 🙏

It just sucks so badly because it’s a great dorm location, and I met a few good people on my floor. Plus I have to move everything I brought by myself to whichever place I move into. In the midst of all this I’m sick. Probably caught the freshman flu or some crap, and I’m miserable in this dorm and with the heatwave.

On the bright side my schedule is nice, the dining hall food is great, and I’m looking forward to joining some clubs and hopefully meeting some good people.

With barely 6 days remaining in the lease, I’m still getting appalled at my former roommate’s behavior. She moved out early but took the communal shit like dish rack and a cute basket that weren’t even hers. It was my sibling’s (also my roommate) former roommate who had left those behind and I brought them to this apartment for everyone’s use. Mind you, she wasn’t even using the basket. Only I was. She left her keys behind for ME to turn in. I’m the only reason we’re even able to move out properly bc she didn’t give the 60 day notice to the leasing office. Didn’t even sign the damn Notice to vacate form until I told her to sign it. A full grown 26 year old adult by the way.

Today she called me bc she zelled me the final rent money after I sent her a reminder text last night and I said I don’t want to pay HER rent. She can pay it herself. Then we argued about how she did absolutely NOTHING in the one year we lived together. Literally lived with her hair inside the fridge that she ONLY CLEANED WHEN SHE FINALLY MOVED OUT. 1 WHOLE YEAR OF HAVING HER HAIR INSIDE THE FRIDGE. I’m disgusted. Refused to do her part and clean the shared spaces bc she didn’t want to clean my cat’s hair…there were barely any cat hairs on the floor. Mind you we have no furniture in the common spaces so idk where she’s getting the cat hair from. Used my cat as leverage to blackmail me. I finally threatened her today saying everything related to cleaning is gonna come out from her security deposit and THEN SHE OFFERS TO DROP BY THIS WEEKEND AND CLEAN. What happened to cleaning the entire year??? Why was I the ONLY ONE CLEANING A 3x3???? Why do you need to be threatened with your security deposit to be a fucking responsible decent human being???

I’m so done. She said to return the rent money she Zelled me bc she’s not gonna pay rent and we can get an eviction notice bc she doesn’t care since she already had a prior eviction lawsuit.

I’m sick and tired of stupid shit like this I don’t get why people can’t be fucking decent. I was basically an Airbnb host and she was my guest. I cleaned and reminded her to pay her goddamn bills and she just lived her life and went out every weekend

My fault tbh to have even moved in with such a person after being warned and my fault for even having answered her phone call today and giving her the space to spew utter bs

Hi, this is a sort of update to my (26FtM) previous post about my roommate.

We had a new roommate, S(23FtM) move in this July. Already they're considering moving out because of A(30M) crossing over boundaries and making them uncomfortable, particularly walking into their room when they're with their partner, randomly asking for things (one of them being a steam deck) and making sexual jokes. So yeah, it's not just me.

I HAVE set down boundaries with A, but any time I do, it seems to fly over their head if I ever give them an inch, and S is too anxious to point out they're uncomfortable. We've considered just telling A to seek a place where they'll be with friends, but I said that it's not fair to just tell someone to leave, you theoretically Cannot force someone to leave their own home and it's just too emotionally taxing in the long run.

I'm considering moving out, I found a one room for 750 USD but like... having both me and S move out at nearly the same time feels like a dick move. I also don't want to move immediately if S is also being pretty much sexually harassed.

I don't really need any advice, just mainly needed to vent about the situation because of how uncomfortable it is, but if anyone wants to give their two cents, it's appreciated anyways.

TL;DR: I was desperate and moved into a home that is extremely filthy and reeks. I thought I could clean it and make it livable, but it's impossible. Roommate doesn't notice or doesn't care. The only thing worse is to lose my dog and be homeless. I feel trapped in a nightmare.

Before judging me, please understand that I do have a job and consistent income. But after several back-to-back huge financial blows for various reasons, I found myself in major debt, with destroyed credit score, living paycheck-to-paycheck, and struggling to remain housed. I also have a dog that is basically my only emotional support at this point, and I've had him for 12 years, so I'm trying to hold on to him and not re-home or surrender him. So the reason I chose the house that I moved into and will describe below, is because it was within my affordability range, has a doggy door, fenced in backyard, and the owner/roommate has two dogs and would be cool with my dog.

So here's the bad roommate part: I just moved into the filthiest, smelliest house I've ever experienced. I'm not exaggerating. I noticed the filth before I moved in, but I'm desperate and thought that maybe I could clean it when I moved in and everything would be fine. But it's impossible. There are thick layers of dirt and dog hair and human hair everywhere. The dirt is caked-in in a lot of places, even inside the refrigerator.

The home owner/roommate is either completely oblivious to basic hygiene and cleanliness basics, doesn't notice, or simply doesn't care. The house needs professional cleaning, maybe two or three rounds of professional cleaning.

Aside from vacuuming the whole house, I decided to focus only my bedroom. So I wiped all the walls, surfaces, and base boards in my bedroom, used carpet powder and vacuumed, bought an air purifier (definitely wasn't counting on this as an expense), and try to keep the bedroom door shut. But the room still feels icky, and I get slapped with a wave of reeking stench from the air in the rest of the house every time I open the door. My head hurts after only a couple of days. Not sure if it's from the air inside the house or the stress or both.

The home owner/roommate is already driving me crazy. They told me after I signed the lease that one of their dogs has incontinence and poops and pees inside. The first night after I moved in, the dog pooped in the roommate's bedroom. The roommate put the dog's poopy kennel in the shower and just left it there and went to work. I took this week off from work so I could move and get settled. So as I mentioned, I used vacuum powder and vacuumed my room and the rest of the house. When the roommate returned from work, they were like, "Hey! That smells good! The whole house smells good! Can I use some in my room since the dog pooped last night?"

Of course I let them use the powder, but I was aggravated that they didn't already have some handy or any cleaning product handy given they know they have an incontinent dog and haven't made any effort to keep the house clean. And no, the whole house does not smell good just from some carpet powder in my bedroom; they are deluded. And when I returned the vacuum cleaner to the roommate for them to use with the powder in their room, I mentioned that they may want to empty the canister before using it. They responded, "Oh, you shouldn't empty it inside. The dust gets everywhere." Are you kidding me? You are going to act like you are worried about a few dust particles right now?

And this morning after the roommate left for work, I walked into the shared bathroom. There was a roach on the toilet paper roll and the roommate's pee sitting in the unflushed toilet.

I think I am living in deplorable conditions and have already wayyy overpaid for this. I don't know what to do though. I don't know if I can find or afford another place. I think the only thing worse than this is to lose my dog and be homeless. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare.

Posting in solidarity with those of us at the beginning of our leases and already waiting for it to end. Month 2 of 12 here. So happy rn the "1st month" was just half a month -- pro-rated blessing in disguise.

The Record:

DMs me to do things/confront other roommates (which I sure as heck will not do) over his own grievances.

Polite-ish to my face but mutters profanity-laced complaints outside my door.

Refuses to give beyond minimal space in the kitchen or bathroom.

Complains about "messes" when the only messes are his own.

Insists no one else makes noise, but he will play music and the TV loudly at his leisure.

Complains about smells when the kitchen smells like rotting meat from his cooking.

His preferences are the house rules.

Annoyed at other people's guests, but his basically become additional roommates.

The behavior gives undiagnosed BPD. Our other roommate is clearly doing the gray rock method, and I'm trying to do the same. It's hard for me currently since when he seems so normal/nice, I feel like I should also be nice in turn. It gives me such whiplash when he then gets angry out of nowhere and, like mentioned, in a way that's not in my face but still in my face.

We've gotten a new roommate, and maybe another soon. Hopefully this will help balance the tide, but as I'm typing said new roommate is banging something upstairs, so inevitably rip my dms from (possibly) undiagnosed BPD roommate.

The Dream:

I moved for a job offer. Leadership is open to "growth" after my probation, at six months, and at my annual review. So, I'm hoping to get enough of a raise asap to get out of here, provided my landlord lets me break my lease without penalty, which I think he will if I stay as long as needed till he finds another interested roommates (gl to them). The job is kind of a challenge, too, but it's a better situation than here, and one where I'm getting support.

Like am I tripping?? Because it went from her wanting to find a place with him to her wanting me out. I'm on the lease by the way. We got an apartment together over a year ago and we just renewed it. She's known the guy for 2 months!! She keeps sending me apartments and college students looking for a 3rd or 4th roomate but I literally can't afford a down payment. Even if I could, I literally don't want to move. I can easily find another roomate. She talked to my boyfriend in private when he was staying the night last weekend and told him to convince me to move out so her boyfriend can live here instead. She was like "well what do i have to do to convince you to leave? Because this is just going to end up in a fight. I'm really mad because it's going to be a hassle to move my things" ??!?!?!? I pay my rent on time, I keep my spaces clean, I quite literally am not a problem. Her only problem with me is that she wants him to move in and wants me to leave. Am I overreacting? Like what steps do I have to take from here because I calmly told her I'm not leaving. I'm happy with my home.

She thinks I'm stealing, smoking inside, being rude(I wonder why!), and has gotten to the point of screaming about me "lunging" her

I have literally done nothing to this woman, in fact she has done more by littering on my balcony (her window is above it) instead of throwing stuff away

Everything she accused me of was her own fault or actions. She forgets where things are and even after being shown the thing she's screaming at me for insists I still took it, she smokes inside, continues to harass me near daily, is the only one threatening physical violence

Just last night, she knocked on my door to get into an argument about pizza. Obviously I don't know a thing about her pizza but nevertheless she continued to repeat "it's you. We all know it's you. Why do you keep taking shit? Stop lying."

Eventually I just have to close the door until she leaves.. and a few minutes later go down stairs for water when she calls me into one of the side rooms (I assume she just heard my footsteps) I open and stay at the door when she keeps screaming at me for like 5 more minutes before jumping up and getting in my face, seemingly delusional that me. Someone standing outside the room that she called me to, the one with multiple people who can see us, has just "lunged" at her and is "assaulting her" and continues to get in my face "lunge again, lunge, assault me again, you can't assault me do it again don't mope" until I'm backed into a corner (I'm not as strong or Stout as her, just more lanky. My default reaction to danger is also just freezing and having a panic attack after, I don't even feel capable of hurting people physically)

It took my other housemates to get her to back off and 5 seconds to find her pizza, it was in her fridge. She thought she left it on the counter and forgot she didn't.

TL;DR: My roommate is shitty but not as bad as this subreddit’s standards. However, I still can’t stand him because he’s a slob and a terrible person in all aspects of his life from his attitude with school, his family, his friends, his housemates, and his girlfriend. I’m glad he is moving out. This is a public clarification post on the situation and it is very long as it starts at the story from the beginning.

Being a slob and taking up 70% of our room space with his stuff all over the floor (including trash)

I’ve had to text him to remove his dirty clothes from my desk

Leaving product stains and beard hairs in the sink, the mirror is spattered with his toothpaste stains

Sleeping on his laundry or having three full trash bags of laundry under his desk

Hogged both of the windows in our room, never opens the window so our room is stuffy as hell and he himself smells musty all the time

Taking money and not getting the proper things or not getting them entirely

Won’t disclose what he’s getting for the house with our money and we can’t refund the things

Bought before we found out he had no common sense

Losing the whole house $200 each, none of us said anything, we learned that he was complaining to a mutual friend about us “being too hard on him and that he didn’t know, how could we have expected him to do adult things when he’s never done them before” when before the situation, he was telling everyone to leave it to him and talked himself up.

Leaving dirty dishes in the sink or living room for multiple days

Unloads the dishwasher that is crammed full of his dishes and just his dishes once a never

Never contributing to the chores

Cramming trash so that the lid stays open

Never refilling the Brita filter

Constantly forgets to lock the front door and leaves it unlocked overnight

Doesn’t know how to do anything quietly, runs down the stairs, slams the front door when he gets home, slams the bedroom door early in the morning when I’m trying to sleep

Never replaces the toilet paper or paper towels even though everyone else takes turns

Moved in early and claimed all the spaces that were easy to access, zero discussion with anyone else, assumed everyone else would just be able to access the higher shelves, we had to buy an actual ladder to reach the shelves that were available after he moved in. His many appliances that he never uses are just taking up space on our shelves.

Used to take up majority of the fridge, now just doordashes mostly and leaves all takeout bags and boxes strewn across our SHARED room

In addition to taking up the fridge, would never throw away his rotten food

Being a hypocrite when it comes to roommate expectations and being inconsiderate of other roommates

Calling his girlfriend loudly for hours in the room while I’m trying to study and telling me to lower my volume when I’m on a call with my friend that same day. Looked over, he needed silence for playing video games and nothing productive.

I gave him permission to have some of my ice cream once. He proceeded to eat almost the whole tub and genuinely left a spoonful left for me in the freezer. Then he helped himself to my next tub of ice cream without permission. He also takes food without permission from our roommate’s room who he claims he’s not friends with.

Calls his girlfriend until 2 am while I’m trying to sleep in the room because it’s a SCHOOL NIGHT

Constantly speaking over people when we have house meetings or hang out in general

Whenever we confront him about his trash in public spaces or chores that he hasn’t moved or done in months, his answer is always “I was planning on doing that tomorrow” and it wouldn’t get done for several weeks after

Back-seat driving me when I offered to drive him back home and said he could give me driving advice when his side mirror is taped on and his car is severely dented bc he keep driving his car (that his parents bought brand new for him) into the poles of the parking lot behind our house

Roleplaying being poor and looking down on the actual first-gen, low-income students that live in the house

Used to constantly invite his girlfriend and friends over without notice and they would be loud and rude and uncomfortably obnoxious then turns around and complained when my boyfriend came over to help me cook dinner

Acts like the king of the household and thinking he’s better than everyone, consistently talking out of his ass because he doesn’t know what the actual fuck he’s talking about

Claims he has a busy schedule and yet he’s home every time I come home and is home 22 out of 24 hours on the rare days where I am home all day

Shit talks me to our mutual friends behind my back

Our friends knew the stories weren’t adding up because he excludes a lot of info so I gladly filled in the gaps with pictures and screenshots

He claims that we have communication issues when I have taken time out of my schedule to ask him to talk to me and communicate his thoughts and feelings when I communicate with mine. He says that he prefers me to directly tell him when I have an issue and yet he has gone to our other roommate to shit talk me instead of actually talking to me. I normally would not have an issue, he’s just a hypocrite and a liar about his issues so now we have a problem.

Here's the link to the full doc:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1epqL7raXflnKyPCW-jj-S5hoH7eJXHEb9waBzzRVEqM/edit?usp=drivesdk

And what's a post without pictures?

Okay I just wanna know if I am wrong to be upset by this. So this is part 3 I can post part 1 and 2 if needed.

But my roommate still has issues being considerate at home and acting like I am his maid.

So yesterday he made a pizza, using my dishes ( he doesn't have any btw but spends 100s of dollars at club) I said when you're done with that plz put it in the dishwasher.

Dude puts the knife but not the baking sheet in the dishwasher right in front of me and walks out the door. Keep in mind he will let dishes sit in the sink for weeks if he could.

This day he also asked if he could take a plate out mine out of the house. I said no, cause I knew he wouldn't bring it back. He said can I use a bowl then it's not really a big deal dude I'll bring it back. Well guess what he came back after spending the night as his girl friends house and no bowl.

Third I've asked him multiple times to not leave his clothes in the dryer for days in end. His clothes have been in the dryer for 2 days. He also walked out in front of my friends a couple days ago just wrapped in a towel.

Now I am the wired one for getting up set and I am annoying and I need to be more chill.

I really need to know if I am wrong for being upset at just the lack of common curiosity, and even thankfulness for letting him use my stuff and constantly driving him to and from work. Bro hasn't once to offer to pay me for gas btw if I ask he will but he will not offer himself l.

i feel like i have to bring this on reddit because truly no one in my real life has any solid advice for me other than “damn that’s crazy i’m sorry”. so for context, i (22f) have a newish roommate (also 22f) who i’ve been living with for a little under a month. i’ve been in my apartment for over a year now and i met my current roommate through our schools off-campus housing facebook group.

i was really anxious about my roommate search because of past crazy roommate experiences (a schizophrenic guy addicted to fent who chased us around with knives and a 30year old bipolar crashout who tried to fight me when i asked her to clean her moldy dishes). i wish i was joking or being dramatic, but im not. my last roommate wasn’t the worst, because ive dealt with actually crazy people, but she was extremely inconsiderate. our apartment is tiny asf with paper thin walls and a singular bathroom so you really can’t ignore another individual in our space, and she had her bum ass bf in our house 4x a week. she even had him chilling in our apartment alone while she was at work because he’s unemployed.

but anyways, i was very anxious and therefore cautious about finding a new roommate. i did facetime interviews and discussed my concerns with guest policies and other stuff based on past roommate situations, and my current roommate, who i’ll call B, said that it would not be an issue because the man that she’d been seeing since spring semester has his own place and she’ll be staying there a lot anyways. sounds great. she moves in and we actually vibe a lot and are hanging out like friends. she is a 2nd year transfer student that lived in a studio apartment last year and had almost no social life outside of her extracurricular involvements. so basically she has no friends at our school and her longest and strongest connection is her situationship. as we get closer, she drops little tidbits like “liking a guy is so embarrassing” and her struggles being in a situationship. i’m pretty much a “leave him” friend who thinks most women these days are settling and i hold high standards that men my age don’t seem to meet, so i give her my piece, but i know it’s hard for someone in that situation to “just leave” from personal experience as well. i try to support her by bringing her into my social circles to expand her network so she can have a life outside of this man because i know how difficult it is to leave a toxic situation if it seems like you don’t have anybody else. after that conversation things are fine with him again, but then things take a turn for the worse a few days later.

we had gone out a couple times together on the last weekend of our summer break, but she continues the bender into the weekdays, going to the bars solo, and it’s getting concerning. she openly says that she thinks she has a problem and probably needs to talk to someone and that the stress of this man is making her rely on bad habits. she cycles through 2 bottles of patron by herself within 3 days. she’s leaving messes all over the house that i’m picking up for her because she was “too fucked up” and i’m trying to give her grace because she’s going through a difficult time, but her inner turmoil is starting to affect me. she’s leaving out food and trash that can harm my cat and she let all my ice melt on the counter overnight because she left the tray on the counter overnight. she’s not washing her own dishes, etc. you get the gist. it’s very reminiscent of my old bipolar roommates manic and depressive episodes that eventually led to the episode that made me cut my lease early after she attracted roaches with her filth. this is a little less than two weeks ago.

i’m worried about her as she’s holed up in her depression room and there was a pretty sunset that day so i told her to go outside and check it out so she could feel better and she asks me if we can go on a drive. i tell her a place with a scenic view and we post some pics on our instagram stories. when we’re back in the car, the situationship who I’ll call L, starts calling her. B declines and he keeps calling and she says that he has her location and L always does this thing where he pushes her away and the second he sees her doing her own thing he comes right back. she finally answers the phone and basically immediately goes “okay i’m on my way 😇😇! lemme just get home and changed first” and goes to spend the night at his place. next day she comes back super happy. the following day she goes to his and comes back miserable again.

when things are bad with him she starts revealing little tidbits about his negative aspects. and she recently dropped that he was the former VICE PRESIDENT of our schools Turning Point USA chapter. yes. that organization. this time last year he was in that position, promoting their events, saying transphobic things on Fox News, and promoting “end abortion” with signs and events. my jaw absolutely DROPPED at that information and i was like WTF. and i’m even looking at her weird because she’s knowingly hooking up with him. but she can sense my judgement and goes “he’s not like that!! there’s a whole reason why he left and he doesn’t agree with everything they’re doing right now”. but he still agreed and joined them at one point that they were already harmful??

matter of fact, last fall semester, he was on fox news promoting an event that originally was going to be part of charlie kirk’s tour, but he was “occupied”. there were expected protests and clashes because our university is very well known as one of the most “liberal” in the nation. matter of fact, i actually was throwing an event that same day that was on palestinian solidarity and i had to create safety briefs to make sure that the black and brown students attending our event wouldn’t get harassed or harmed by the turning point/MAGA crowd from his event. so it’s extremely personal.

this past weekend, she was “done with him fr this time” once again, but i’ve honestly seen this cycle a few times and im concerned. on tuesday, i had therapy and spent a good chunk of it talking about my concerns for my roommates wellbeing and how to approach that conversation with her because i know i can’t force her to have enough self respect to walk away, but i can express my concern for her wellbeing and the parts that affect me, like the messes and such. when she gets home im having that conversation and she mentions that she’s back in the cycle with him again. i tell her that she’s gonna keep doing what she’s gonna do until she’s ready and i’ll be the first one there celebrating the day she actually walks way, but until then, leave me out of it. but i ask her one last question: “are you not embarrassed about the turning point thing? would you openly advertise that that’s the kind of guy you’re choosing to spend time with?” and she says no because he’s “not like that anymore”, and the conversation ends there.

we continue doing our own things and i eventually go to my room to wind down for the night. before i go to sleep, i get a text from her asking what i want from in n out and i excitedly ask her for a strawberry shake. i didn’t even know she left the house but i see her location at the in n out parking lot. she then asks if she can bring L over. im freaking out. i try to keep it light and reply with a shocked emoji and “i thought he has his own place” because she said early on that it wouldn’t be a problem because she would stay at his. and B says “he has his own room but so do i”. maybe i would care less if we had a bigger place and i couldn’t tell when a guest was here but this place is TINYYY and you can hear EVERYTHING and you really cannot ignore whenever a guest or just a singular other person is in the house. it feels claustrophobic whenever it’s more than just me sometimes. i reply that i dont really need the shake anymore and that i would prefer if he didn’t come over. at this point im starting to have an anxiety spiral.

my last roommate never respected my boundaries and would just bring people over regardless, and now that my current roommate B isn’t responding anymore, i’m scared she’s going to do the same thing and bring this man home with her even though i expressed discomfort. and by the way this isn’t just mild discomfort and i’m not just being dramatic. i’m from a very conservative area and i have experienced a hate crime before with a gun in my face when i was 14 years old. i used to get panic attacks around maga people or tables, and now i can just walk past them in public knowing i don’t have to engage or deal with them. but the thought of someone like that inside of my home, my safe space, is beyond terrifying. i should also mention that i am neurodivergent and im extremely sensitive to my environment and my emotions, and especially my sense of justice, run very strong. i freaked out when my ex told me he was “apolitical” because the thought of my white boyfriend being apolitical with a girlfriend who is half latina, half native was absolutely abhorrent. so the idea that a former representative of one of the most hateful groups on our campus/our country being in MY own home and my safe space from the increasingly scary outside world is terrifying. it’s her place too but the feeling of safety should not be a compromise, and that’s what my friends told me when i was freaking out.

i was ready to go to sleep but i couldn’t because i felt like i had to stay alert and stand guard in case this man came over. and i send her a follow up message saying that i wanted to reiterate my previous statement since i don’t wanna come off as passive because of how my old roommate used to disregard my boundaries. but id like to draw a hard line at L not being in the apartment when im home just because its creating a lot of anxiety on my end. i close the message saying that i dont want there to be a conflict to arise from this because i genuinely enjoy her as a person but im really anxious and dont want that man in our place. i admit it could’ve come across as a little erratic but i was trying my best to communicate clearly where i was coming from and i tried to throw in the compromise that she could have him over if i wasn’t going to be home and couldn’t tell. i wouldn’t feel comfortable with that either but at least its not actively sharing a physical space. she does not respond to the message so im just left waiting until she gets home before i can let myself sleep.

thankfully she comes home without him. she even brought my milkshake too. when she got home i was still sniffling because i did have a legit anxiety attack and was sobbing. (i’m also on my period and have PMDD so my emotions are VERY strong rn). she didn’t see the full emotional rollercoaster i was on, just the text i sent about being anxious about him. but when i was sniffling i said “thank god you didn’t bring him i was really nervous you would”. and she was like “aww don’t worry why would you be scared”. and i didn’t say the whole story but i mentioned that she doesn’t know my history but i have legit trauma around those kinds of people because of my experiences with harassment and being hate crimed and once again she says “don’t worry he’s not like that”, and i say that he’s still following the TPUSA accounts and they’re still following him so they can’t be that far off from his current beliefs. shes tired and goes to sleep in her room for the night.

in the morning, im a bit embarrassed about my breakdown, but i say something casually about one of my classes trying to carry on like we normally do but she doesn’t respond. i leave for school and when i came back home i was hungry and was craving my fav local sushi spot but they literally JUST shut down and their doors were chained up :( when she comes home im sitting in the living room scrolling through doordash trying to find other options and i tell her that the sushi spot is closed. she walks right past me without looking at me and goes straight to her room and closes the door. i try to give her the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe she’s just tired but i know there’s tension. a few hours later she emerges to do laundry and to eat dinner and even picks up my cat to cuddle, all without acknowledging me, which isn’t our normal. that was yesterday and the silent treatment has continued into today. i didnt even try to say hi i just did my own thing but she ordered doordash and was about to eat on the coffee table and i pointed out that i had a TV stand that she could eat off of to make it easier and she just ignored me again.

I never wanted there to be a rift between us, especially over a man. a man that treats her like shit and won’t even claim her after 5 months of a situationship where she wrote him letters for 3 months while he was at a military training. she’s clearly in denial about him and his beliefs to create some sort of moral exception for him, because she says she’s not MAGA and is uncomfortable around people that herself, but it’s not like he’s done a major turnaround in his belief system either. he just had a conflict within the org of something that he drew the line with but there was so much other harmful shit he was okay with too.

it’s not even the only male centered red flag with her either. i mentioned she had no social life out of her two extracurriculars. one with him and another was a jiu jitsu gym, but she doesn’t go anymore because of “drama”. the drama being that this guy she’s hooked up with once that goes to this gym has SA allegations from multiple other girls. she’s saying that the other girls are lying just to get him in trouble and she’s the only one defending him, so there’s clearly something wrong with her at this point. i know i’m coming off judgemental, and that’s because i am judging because i have strong and rigid moral lines around assault and bigotry. everyone around me is pretty much on the same page that i shouldn’t have to compromise my safety, and my sister says that i need to compromise better. to me, it really depends on how you see the core principle of the issue and if you see someone with those beliefs as dangerous or someone who simply just has a different opinion. so, AITA for not wanting the former VP of TPUSA in my house?

Hi all,

I have terrible roommates to the point where I can't even stand the thought of them. I stay in my room and stay away from common areas. These were my "friends", and the 3 of them are family. I thought it would have been fine because I stay to myself, and I don't bother anyone, I just stay in my room, go to school and work, then go back home to shower/sleep.

Well, after about 3 months, I had decided I didn't like this arrangement anymore. They are dirty and selfish. One of the girls even said after I mentioned that everyone needs to clean equally, that since I don't work full-time as she does, I need to clean more????? We pay the same!! I'm on the latter half of the lease now and have a few more months to go. I'm obviously not staying. However, I'm pretty sure they are. Does this mean a new lease is formed? The landlord said that after the one-year commitment, it would be on a monthly basis.

How do I go about getting my deposit back if they end up staying? I have no damage from my room nor the bathroom I shared. They, however, have some damage from their pets digging up the carpet in common areas.

Any advice on things I need to wrap up before moving out? This is the first time I've ever lived away from family, and dealing with putting my name on a lease. They've done me pretty dirty, and I was thinking of giving them a two-month notice of leaving, then it dropped down to one, and now I'm thinking of giving only a two-week notice. They are so malicious!

If I could live on my own, I definitely would, but rent is so expensive, so I would rather just move back home with my family and suffer a long commute for school than stay with these selfish and dirty people.

Roommate said not to use my microwave to cook food in the dorm so I used the ramen cooker my brother gave me instead.

So I (18F) and my roommate (18/olderF) share a dorm together since we’re in college. It’s three to a room, six to a dorm kind of dorm but one of our roommates never showed so we have an empty bed. Last night my roommate who we’ll call J gives me a list of rules to follow.

1. Don’t interject in the conversations she has with her friends
2. Don’t keep my tv on past ten pm when she’s in the dorm
3. Don’t sing or play music too loudly
4. Don’t use my microwave to heat up food in the dorm because the smell lingers

I agreed to those rules since it was late and I was dealing with a headache but I will be giving her my rules when she returns since she’s out right now.

I’m sitting in my dorm alone and I got hungry for some noodles. She’s not here so I can use my microwave right? I don’t use it because it occurred to me that I have a fucking ramen cooker. I used it and now the room smells like noodles. I didn’t break a rule because I never used the microwave

Update: RAs got involved for a roommate agreement, we have come to mutual terms

We've had a Roomate for a bit now who generally seemed alright, but there've been many happenings that has made this lease feel it has story arcs.

The first thing was noticing that multiple times the toilet would be left unflushed or clogged after he used it, usually with a mound of toilet paper just chilling in there. Also toilet paper rolls (currently being used and empty) would be left all over the bathroom floor. That all has continued up until now. He also shaves his beard hair directly into the sink.

Next was a period of probably a month and a half where he decided to use the kitchen island as the permanent location for his laptop setup. And would be down there 24/7 if not at work, sometimes on discord calls talking to a bunch of people with the webcam on. During that period of time I could not cook a meal in the kitchen without that going on right at my back unless it was after like 2am. Fun times.

Next something happened with his mattress, and he spent about 2 months sleeping on my other roommate's couch in our houses basement (technically a common area). We don't use it much but still, in my mind it's the principal of the thing. He has a new mattress now but still that area has pretty much been his from then on, his desk and computer setup are down there now.

Cut to last night, the topic of this post and the most baffling occurrence of all. I'm up late editing a video on my computer, and I hear this buzz/hum sound coming from somewhere outside my room. At first I thought it was him shaving but the sound just kept going. I finally get up to check, get to the bathroom and it's empty but the sound is loud as hell. I open the doors under the sink and the sound gets way louder, so I'm like shit, something has to be messed up with the sinks plumbing. But then I open the drawer where I keep my electric razor, and lo and behold there it is.

It's turned on, buzzing around in a puddle of fucking water. I just sit there for a second like what the fuck man. I text him and ask if he used the razor. He says yes and he was "about" to ask but didn't know if it was mine or the other roommates. The ridiculousness of that aside, I text back and I'm like dude it's soaked in water and turned on right now. The only sliver of grace I'll give is that maybe the water messed it up and caused it to turn on after he was done using it so he didn't notice. But I do not care.

I didn't even respond to him, the razor is broken. I luckily have a backup of the same one that will now be in my room, probably with my other toiletries. I can't wait to move out of this house. I don't even care about trying to get this right or complain at this point, I just want to get out. Anyways, thanks for listening to my tale.

I was away for the weekend and came back to my bed looking slightly off. Different pillow placement, blanket tucked in weird, and there was a long dark hair on the pillow that definitely wasn't mine.

Asked my roommate about it and after acting confused for a minute he admitted his girlfriend's friend slept in my room Saturday night because she was too drunk to drive home.

I told him that's really not something you just decide without asking me.

Then he goes "well you've been gone before and it was never an issue."

The way he said it immediately bothered me so I asked what he meant. Turns out this isn't the first time. Apparently if someone stays over and the couch is taken, he's let people use my room while I'm away because he thinks an empty bed is basically wasted space.

I've spent a decent amount making my room mine when I moved in. Mattress, bedding, desk, everything in there belongs to me.

He thinks I'm massively overreacting because nobody damaged anything and he says he'd let my friends sleep in his bed if the situation was reversed.

I genuinely can't get past the fact that random people have apparently been sleeping in my bed and I only found out because someone left a hair behind.

I told my roommate a while ago that I probably won't renew our lease because I've been saving money and want to finally get a small place by myself.

Our lease still has a few months left.

I came home from work yesterday and there was some random guy standing INSIDE my bedroom with a tape measure. I asked who the hell he was and he said my roommate was showing him the room because it was going to be available soon.

Turns out she already put my room on Facebook Marketplace with pictures she took while I wasn't home. My bed, desk, clothes, everything is visible in the photos.

When I confronted her she said she was just being proactive because she doesn't want to scramble for a roommate later. Apparently she's already shown my room to two other people too.

I told her nobody is going into my bedroom again while I'm still living here and she got annoyed because I'm making it harder for her to find someone.

I still can't get over coming home and seeing some dude measuring the wall next to my bed

My fiancé and I bought his best friend’s childhood home after paying rent on it for about four years. Before we bought it, the people living in the house were my fiancé, his brother, and their best friend, who I’ll call Adam.
Adam had lived in this house for 15+ years.
Right when we bought the house, Adam started dating this girl, who I’ll call Lee. We met through Discord, and at first… I’m not going to lie, she sounded like an e-girl. One of the first things I remember her mentioning was how much she loved “big anime titties.” I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum, but it definitely caught me off guard as a first interaction.
Anyway, moving on.
Adam started bringing Lee over to the house pretty frequently. At first, I didn’t say anything because they were in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. But eventually, I started noticing just how often she was there.
There were days when she would sleep over, not have work the next day, and Adam would just leave her at the house alone while he went somewhere. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I thought that was weird.
At one point, I decided to take her shopping so we could get to know each other better.
And good fucking god, I hate that I’m a funny person because her laugh was the most high-pitched, forced laugh I have ever heard. I would honestly compare it to Cat from Victorious.
But eventually, it wasn’t just the laugh that started annoying me.
It was the loud voice, leaving her stuff all over my house, and the complete lack of interaction she gave us.
What I mean is that the other girls in the friend group and I would try to talk to her. We’d yap about life, relationships, random shit, etc., because we were genuinely trying to get to know her and hopefully become friends.
But she gave us absolutely nothing.
The main things she would talk about were how “depressed” she was without Adam and how “suicidal” she had been, and how much better Adam was than her last fiancé.
For context, she had previously been engaged to a British guy she was dating long-distance, and she was 22 when she told us all of this.
Eventually, the girls and I just stopped trying to become friends with her.
Then I started noticing how often Lee was at the house.
She was there 5 out of 7 days a week.
At this point, I was getting annoyed because she didn’t live there, didn’t contribute financially, and was essentially living at our house for free.
I told my fiancé that once the honeymoon phase was over, if she was still going to be at the house this frequently, then there needed to be some sort of boundary.
My suggestions were either:
She contributes to the household by paying rent, or

She reduces how often she comes over.

Personally, I preferred the second option because I didn’t particularly like her, and I didn’t want someone who didn’t live there to essentially have the same access to my home as the people who actually owned it.
I also think some separation is healthy in relationships and friendships.
So, I started paying more attention to what was happening.
And week by week, day by day, I noticed more and more of Lee’s belongings appearing in the house.
Her stuff was taking up space.
It was annoying, but I tried to let it go.
Then one day while I was at work, I got a notification from our doorbell camera.
Lee had walked into my house.
She was alone.
Adam wasn’t home.
And neither my fiancé nor I had given her a key.
She had somehow gotten a key to our house without either of us knowing.
At that point, I fucking lost it.
Why would someone who doesn’t live in the house have a key? Why was she entering our house when neither Adam nor anyone else was home? And, most importantly, why had nobody even asked us?
It felt like a massive boundary had been crossed.
My fiancé and I talked about it and agreed that Lee could only come to the house when Adam was actually there, and that her visits needed to be reduced.
My fiancé then talked to Adam because, obviously, Adam was his best friend.
Both Adam and Lee were upset about the situation, but ultimately they understood.
Then, one week later, Adam announced that he was moving out and getting an apartment with Lee.
And honestly?
I feel like this was the plan all along.
I think they had already been planning for Lee to eventually move into the house without actually having a conversation with me and my fiancé about it.
I noticed the gradual increase in her belongings, how often she was staying over, and eventually the fact that she had somehow obtained a key.
I feel like I caught on before they could drop the actual bomb that she was essentially moving in.
Once I started enforcing boundaries, suddenly Adam was moving out and getting an apartment with her.
Maybe I’m wrong, but from my perspective, it really feels like they were slowly trying to transition her into living there without asking us.
And honestly, I’m glad I said something when I did.

I moved into a house with two couples in February of this year after my studio apartment had mold, and my landlords refused to acknowledge it. Due to the mold, I was extremely sick and most of my home belongings like my mattress, furniture, kitchen items that kind of thing were all ruined. I had to move very suddenly and I had found a place on Facebook not that far from where I was living with a private bedroom in a house that had a lot of cool amenities. I signed my sublease with one of the roommates who was the master tenant and her boyfriend’s father was the property owner.

The first few months it was OK? I had noticed the master tenant girlfriend and boyfriend were constantly fighting so loudly (1-4x a week) that I would have to turn on the air or leave the house or sleep with headphones, but I tried to reason with it that it was not a big deal because it wasn’t my business and wasn’t directly involving me. The consistently tense energy was definitely impacting me but I was trying to be empathetic. Other issues included pretty common kitchen issues where I was often taking out the trash and recycling when I had made usually less than 10% of that trash and it was overflowing all day/weekend while I was out at work and they were home and avoiding taking it out. Nonetheless, I made sure to communicate politely and clearly in our group chat and made a constant effort to be open to anything they had to say about me as a roommate. I noticed a lot of passive aggression in their communication styles, which I could understand because they were a few years younger than me, but I still kept my cool and stayed solution oriented in our conversations. The master tenant roommate also continuously opened my mail that was directly addressed to me “by accident.” One time I was taking out the kitchen recycling, and when I dumped everything from the bin, I noticed a letter for me at the bottom that was opened and hidden under all of the junk mail. I texted our group chat saying hey guys I’m not sure why this was here but if you accidentally opened my mail, please just give it to me and she admitted yet again that it was her and that it was “by accident.”

Everything came to a boiling point the first week of August after they began accusing my cats of misbehaving despite no one seeing it was from my 2 cats, and their other 2 cats in the house having a long history of it weydt before I moved in that they told me about a few times early in my tenancy there. Because of that, I felt I had no choice but to keep my cats in my room 24/7 even if I was home until I got to my new living situation this past week. I was still open to trying to find a solution in this living situation until the master tenant roommate went into my room while I was not home (this is not the first time), let out my cats and went all the way into my room and opened my curtains and turned off my fan that I had on for my cats. I know was her because I never once touched the curtains and she later admitted it to me in text.

Fast-forward to now: I just fully moved out. I have only communicated with the master tenant over text or email for the last few weeks and she has given me misleading, inconsistent, and inaccurate information about the move out process that she contradicts herself in writing, often just days or weeks before. I noticed that she had been overcharging my monthly rent and at this point probably calculated to at least $1100 in the seven months I was there for the listed house amenities on the sublease, that I could only come up to barely less than half of the overcharges each month and she would not tell me what the remaining $164/month was for. I tried to find a replacement for me in the house and reached out to over 20 people and no one wanted to take it. At this point, I’m glad that I was not involved in bringing someone else into the house because it’s become so clear to me that this is a very unsafe toxic environment. The master tenant roommate started sending me unprovoked, hostile texts that attacked my character and were clearly large projections of her own unhappiness in her relationship in her life. To this day, I never once disrespect, disrespected her in any way in our communication. I kept it very matter of fact and very formal. This was very hard to do, but I knew that it wasn’t worth letting this person take me out of my character. When I went to drop off my keys yesterday, I emailed her earlier yesterday before I did that there was a USPS change of address letter going to the house that was not actually addressed to my name, but I screenshotted the USPS email I received with the exact scanned front of letter showing that that letter was for me specifically. She replied and said it wasn’t my mail and I had no right to claim it despite my evidence, and when I went to pick up the keys later on, she had already opened the letter.

There are so many other things that she did that were super illegal and I am so glad that I am officially done with that very awful living situation but I do want to know if it’s worth it to report some of these illegal activities anywhere. At this point, I don’t really feel I want to do it for my sake, but more for whoever comes after me and may want to live there. I don’t want anyone to have that experience— especially a woman younger than me that may not be as familiar with the legalities of tenant rights in California and may have a harder time advocating for herself. I really don’t use this term often, but unfortunately, these people in the house were master manipulators and I started to question my own sanity for a while too, and I do not want anyone else to have to experience that if they don’t have to.

Is it worth reporting the mail opening or anything else to the authorities? I would love some insight.

A couple months ago I graduated college and moved into a house with some 2 people I was friends with before and 2 of their friends. One of these is someone who they weren’t that close with. Long story short they are so incredibly annoying but now it’s becoming an issue. They have no sense of personal space and are always in me and my roomates business. They are always inviting themselves to any plans that any of us have even when it’s not something they’re interested in at all. It’s gotten to a point where all of us hate going in the living room/kitchen and we feel like we can’t even speak to each other when they’re around which is somehow ALWAYS. They also don’t ever listen or have an opinion of their own-everything you say they just blindly agree with and if you disagree with an opinion of theirs they go back on what they said. It’s gotten to a point where when they’re around (which again is always now) no one even really respond to what they say out of fear of revealing too much information of upcoming plans etc. My other roommates and I have to quietly sneak into each others room just for moments of peace.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or know how to handle this? It’s very emotionally draining and making every day life in the house depressing. But how do you tell your roomate they’re really annoying and you don’t want to hangout with them?

For context, my house has 2 fridges for 5 people. My partner and I share the smaller one and the others are in the other fridge. So placing locks on the pantry items and the fridge was discussed and agreed upon.

Lately we've been noticing food items going missing left right and center. Started with an energy drink, then a 6 pack of Cobs scones (in one day mind you), ramen, entire jar of nutella, and potentially more which we are unaware of. Apart from that my roommates have also noticed missing food items.

We know whos doing it.

My cat went into Karla's room (fake name) one day and I had to get him out. Because I didnt know what was in there and if there was anything harmful. So I took him out but in the process I notice the empty box of Cobs scones on the ground of her room. My partner and I confronted her, though she continues to deny.

Anyways, this is the solution. A lock on our pantry cupboard and a lock on its way (amazon - the picture that looks fake) for the fridge and freezer.

All the items on the shelf outside of the cupboard are all numbered as well. So we know how much of what we have. It sucks that I have to do this. But in an already poor financial situation, I cannot be wasting money on extra food.

So I have a roommate who is letting me stay with them all but free while I get back on my feet because the economy and my parents both such. I'm deeply thankful to them, but it's ruining our friendship because I'm realizing while they care deeply that nobody should be unhoused, they don't give a shit about anybody's actual FEELINGS and expect every feeling to be logically explained like they're a toddler or they won't respect it.

I do my best to stay out of their way and use as little space as possible, because I know how lucky I am and that asking for anything more than what I absolutely need would be rude. I don't take up any space outside my room and the pantry/fridge. The later is where the problem lies; they are incapable of letting me use half a shelf of the fridge for my things. Like, when I ask they act like I'm asking them to perform magic because their spacial awareness is shit.

They will insist the food they get is ours to share, which I appreciate, but I've told them that it's important to me to buy my own food when I can (I have a part time job and EBT) and that I'm not comfortable with letting them handle food for me. Even if it wasn't a matter of wanting to be self-sufficient, they require a very different diet than I do and are also... kinda gross with food? They leave leftovers out for half a day, thaw things on the counter, let their pet on counters, stuff the fridge with so much shit they can't possibly use it all before it rots... if I was paying half the rent I wouldn't accept it, but as it stands I just ask them to leave 1/6th of the fridge for me for my own things.

Today, I got irritated because once again they just couldn't give me that small bit of space they'd agreed to, and once again they told me they considered EVERYTHING in the fridge for both of us, and once again I reminder them I said I wasn't comfortable with it.

This time, I also pointed out that I get sick easily and sometimes the way they handle food is risky - that maybe it works for them, because they never seem to get sick, but that I'm immunocompromised.

"Oh. I didn't know it was because you were immunocompromised. I thought you just didn't want to share my food. Sure, I'll accept your boundary now!"

That's not how basic boundaries work, dipshit. And this is far from the only example. If someone else can't explain the reasoning behind their needs or boundaries perfectly, they might as well not exist. Anyone who doesn't use the same logic as them - or dares have feelings they want respected - is a stupid idiot.

Incidentally, I'm one of their only friends at 10 years younger than them. In retrospect, I wish I'd realized why sooner. It's so frustrating, because they've shown me in more practical situations that they care about me, but I think they might be an honest-to-god sociopath?

TL;DR: Roommate won't let me have 1/6th of fridge space because they're just too helpless to know how to not overstuff it with loose, wilting food and also my reasons for wanting to cook for myself weren't good enough until I disclosed medical information I guess.

CLARIFICATION EDIT: If I try and discuss this when them rationally they throw tantrums like a toddler including hitting walls and throwing objects. Like yeah call me stupid for not mentioning that I'm scared for my safety but honestly I didn't think 1/6th of the fridge and making my own meal choices was a wild ask without that information. People who have never been stuck in this kind of situation love to judge though.