I think I sometimes miss a version of myself more than I miss the person I associate with that time.

It came up again today, and I’m curious how other people tell the difference. When you feel pulled toward someone from your past, how do you know whether you actually want them back in your life or just miss who you were around them?

In high school when I was 15 i met a girl who was 15 and on paper she marked off all the boxes. when i say that i mean she literally in my head if i was asked to describe my ideal girlfriend, she was that. she asked me out and within two months i broke up with her over some stupid shit and called her an asshole. the next day i woke up and realized that it was a stupid fight, and tried to reconcile the relationship the next day only to be told that she already told her parents what i said and that they do not want us in a relationship at all. we started dating again and over the next year it was off and on break up and get back together. however.

it felt like everytime getting into a relationship it felt like pushing a boulder up a hill and then when we would get into a relationship it would be sunshine and daisies until it wasn't and it was the most annoying and stressful thing. everyone was always telling me just "why not break up" and it felt like i wanted to but at the same time who am i to break up with a perfect girl. i was the one who has chronic ocd and was essentially the reason to blame. she would break up with me and i would non stop start thinking about her and we'd get back together but then. for the last 8 months we stayed together until days before senior year of high school.

she never did anything intentionally wrong, but it just felt like she would do everything "unintentionally" when i'd set boundaries or things not to talk about or she would just unknowingly insult me and i know she didnt mean it. i absolutely know she didn't but it really stung at times and i wish she would communicate because anytime i would ever talk about issues with her she would completely say nothing. not a word. and it would end with me saying SAY SOMETHING ANYTHING SAY ANYTHING - and nothing ever came.

my communication style is saying everything going on inside my head, i just feel its better to let everything in my head out so that its all out there for discussion.

i will admit to being a bad boyfriend. i name called, belittled her, i did literally everything wrong by the book. verbally i said everything that crossed my mind. and looking back in retrospect i was really really really over the top and i said everything that i shouldnt have and when i say that i say that absolutely no exaggeration.

i literally went into detail about why i hated everything about her, because i was so angry. and it felt relieving in the moment but definitely not after.

now two years after the fact i called her and ive already apologized profusely for everything but i just don't know what to do. i am immensely sorry and would of course want a relationship again or even just a friendship but, i dont even know if thats the right move.

she has told me that she is not into me and that she wants nothing to do with me (respectfully). and i completely understand her. if i was her or anyone around her i would be doing the exact same thing truthfully. if i was literally her i would not go back with me. the stuff i said and the things i called her would make anyone be like yeah no. especially because she never intentionally did anything wrong, and it was more based on the circumstances of situations.

she told me there's zero chance of reconciliation.

isnt this the definition of insanity doing something over and over and over again and expecting a different result? i keep saying things will be different but there are inevitably things that get in the way and now at 19 i just feel that i should have locked things in with her and i was so stupid as a teenager (still a teenager but ykwim)

i've tried looking for dates or casually meeting people and it just feels like everyone is just nothing compared to what i want. everyone just feels so bland and like they have nothing going for them. (as respectfully as possible)

i guess what im looking for is advice on any front or words of anything, negative or positive.

i have completely reflected on everything and i know what not to do in the future with regards to relationships. maybe i had to make these mistakes to know for the future? thats what i tell myself. i just hope not to be too old and lonely and not happy.

i need someone who i genuinely love with me by my side. there are people ive met who are lovely and ive dated and things are always on the table for things like that in the future but its really far and few between and i feel like ive literally gone thru everyone and its hard to find someone who checks off those boxes like she did.
It also takes a longggggg time of developing a relationship.

also it doesn't help that she told me that a lot of guys and girls are hitting on her and asking her out saying she's cute and it just makes me feel really jealous like someone else is going to get her instead.

Im only 19 and i’m barley starting my second year at community college but me and my boyfriend just broke up. I was the one who broke up with him but it still hurts so much, i genuinely don’t feel like a real person anymore. We were together for almost 2 years and broke up 2 days ago. Will it genuinely ever get better/easier?

I can't get over the idea that I made the worst mistake of my life

My (now-ex) partner (NB26) and I (M27) amicably broke up because they moved across the country for grad school and I didn't feel like I was ready to make such a big move. I was afraid of all the change. I was afraid to leave my stable job (that I don't even like), being away from family, and the logistics of a cross-country move itself.

I regret everything. I told them I wanted to be with them forever and they said they wanted it too, and I said that if it weren't for the move, we would be. I don't think I understood just how deeply I meant that until they were gone.

We're no-contact for now as of Monday night (they moved on 8/11) and I feel like it's all just too little too late, even though we agreed to leave the door open. I don't care that they'll be busy and occupied with school for two years. I want to be by their side for all of their successes, their hardships, everything.

I miss their voice, their smile. Sending each other goofy shit on TikTok or Instagram. Yapping about our days over text. I miss having them in my passenger seat, interrupting my playlists with Muppets songs. All of their weird quirks. The way they'd always stand on their tip-toes to kiss me even though we're nearly the same height.

I miss everything about them and us.

This app seemingly knows a lot about me , I'm in a lot of pain after someone I went out with on two dates has seemingly rejected me.

Man, this year has been tough on me. From my earlier posts, you can see that I (f23) went through a very messy breakup of a long-term committed relationship where my ex cheated on me (while visiting my home country for the very first time after 2 years and us living together with his parents). This happened right before New Year, so the holiday season was, as you can imagine, fantastic.

Then in February, I met this M27 Italian man (yes, first mistake). He left his 3-year-long relationship for me because he has "just never felt this way about anyone ever in his life", and I also want to put a very big disclaimer that nothing has ever happened between us while he was in a relationship, as I am very, very, very against cheating. We dated for a bit there, but he then cut things off with me at the beginning of June because of mental health reasons (which I don't think he was lying about, but still...).

Fast forward to the beginning of July, when I met a Latino man at a concert. I really did not want to be involved with anyone at the time, but we got along really well; we had great chemistry, and he was really cute. So we agreed to be casual. However, his definition of casual and mine were quite different from each other. I think when you're casual, you mainly text about the logistics. If you catch my drift, he would text me almost every day, good morning, good night and check up on me throughout the day. He would be a bit jealous if I mentioned someone else (even though we have spoken and put boundaries that we were by no means exclusive), and he would just be very sweet, cuddly and affectionate, not just physically but with his words.

One specific example I can give you: we once fell asleep holding hands, our fingers intertwined. And I woke up first and let go of his hand. When I told him this, his immediate reaction was "Aww, you should have taken a picture"... Idk about y'all, but that doesn't scream casual behaviour to me. So one of the nights that we went out, I outright asked him if he wanted a relationship. He said no, but I didn't really believe him because his actions didn't match his words. So I asked him some boyfriend-qualifying questions so I could see if I would even consider that scenario for us. And he did open up about his family more. I saw him in a new light, I related to him more, and with all of the lovey-dovey things he was doing, I could actually see myself maybe wanting something more.

But the issue is that is not what we agreed on. So we met up to talk, and I asked him to break things off for all of the above-mentioned reasons. But surprisingly, he didn't want us to stop seeing each other. He wanted us to date, take it slow and see where things could go. Exactly like me.

That was a whole 3 days ago. I saw him on Tuesday for that conversation. We did the deed. We spontaneously hung out on Wednesday and, for the first time, did not do anything sexual and just had a lovely time together; we still were affectionate, but with no extra "fun" at the end. And then yesterday at 10 PM I received a message from him all about how great I am, and how he doesn't wanna hurt me, and how he doesn't want a relationship and how we shouldn't date...

Now it's day 3, and my mind is really boggled. I never tried to coerce him into anything; I never tried to force him into a relationship. I tried to walk away amicably myself, and he was the one who was "trying to find a solution to make this work" (his words directly). And all I can do is sit and think about what could have changed in such a short time.

I'm sorry for so much rambling; a lot of things in this story probably don't make sense. I don't even know what I'm looking for from writing on here. Maybe some fresh perspective? I'm always very honest and forward with my feelings, emotions, and thoughts. And I feel like it has never worked for me. I do think maybe it would be best to stray away from all relationships for the foreseeable future. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you <3

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

When I first met her, I was scared to get into a relationship. I was still not over my last ex, and I was juggling my career and my personal life which was overwhelming.

But she was really nice to me, and she made me feel grounded and calm, made me feel worth something.
She introduced me to her family, who made me feel like I belonged and we became exclusive.

A few months pass by, happiest moments of my life.
I opened up to her. As she did with me. Her family felt like my family. We had a rare connection. I felt like I belonged naturally in her life. She was one of a kind. We complimented each other nicely, and I saw great things for us at a steady pace.

Then something really bad happened in my life. She thought I was going to leave. She cried all day, worried all week. I didn’t have control over my own life. I acted fine but inside I felt guilty, powerless and a bunch of other emotions that words cannot describe. Watching her in pain because of something that happened to me, something that I cannot control, it was agony.

Then the problem resolved itself and life continued as normal, as if nothing had happened.

But a seed was planted in my head.
“Something similar could happen again”
“This relationship can be over for reasons outside our control”
“You are going to be the source of pain for her again”

I could not bear to think about the possibility.
I could not sleep. I took sleeping pills, I let my mind wander at work, and I couldn’t play video games or drive alone anymore without this fear of those emotions I felt back then coming and swallowing me up.
I started smoking a lot more cigarettes. Basically double what I smoked before.
She didn’t know this internal storm brewing up inside me for months on end, or at least I don’t think she knew the full extent of the crippling nature of it.

So I tried to spend every weekend with her, stomp on the accelerator. Keep looking forward and never look back. “We are partners” “I know what is best for us” “We need to make sacrifices”

I do like plans and checklists, but this fear supercharged my planning tendencies and EVERYTHING regarding our future needed a 10 step plan, a checklist, a financial audit……….

All because I was scared. Scared of losing not just her, but the person who cried for me during the moment when I was at my lowest, someone who made me feel like I still had that one last teammate, that one person in the world who understood my hardships and was willing to listen.

I loved her. With all my heart, but because I was blind and unwilling to take a step back, take a breath and look at our dynamic, I missed all the red flags. All the protests, ignored or barely acknowledged. I was scared that the world would separate us so much that I pushed her away with my own hands by smothering her.

She broke up with me via text while I was flown out of town.

I deserved a sitdown and a serious conversation, not a text, but I understand that she didn’t have anything left in her tank too.

I was shocked. I drank like crazy, drove my car faster than I had ever before, I played the field, slept around. Thought that would make me feel better. But of course it doesn’t. Alcohol, speed, sex and validations from people you barely know is a temporary high and is nothing compared to the high of being truly loved.

So i start looking inwards, realize where my actions come from, why I act like this, why I am still not happy despite being young, having a good career, driving a nice car, no financial pressure. Getting sex whenever I want.

It’s because material success, which the adult figures in my life always emphasized, doesn’t make up for the failure of character that I am.

It took losing a really rare connection, a once in a lifetime partner for me to realize my patterns of fear driven control and anxiety, and my failure of character.

I am actively working on fixing these traits and recognizing and catching myself when I am about to spiral. I’m done with checklists and planning things, and then planning a backup plan for a backup plan. I removed myself from the environment of fear, and instead put myself in an environment of optimism and calm.

It was a painful endeavour, accepting that some things in life cannot be controlled and any attempts to do so will end up hurting those around you, but it is starting to yield it’s fruit.

I’m talking to her soon.
I had to wait until I was sure about my progress, until I knew I would be okay after hearing a “No”.

I don’t expect her to allow me back into her life in any capacity.

But at least I learned the hardest lesson of my life so far: some things are meant to be held like a delicate flower and not with a panicked iron grip, and relationships are the most delicate of flowers there is.

It is time to move on.

I’m 26M , in GULF and my girlfriend(F26 , in India) and I have been together for around 8+ years. We recently went through a very difficult period and almost broke up, but she has now told me that she loves me and wants to have a life with me. Obviously, hearing that made me really happy.

But things don't feel the same as before, especially when it comes to communication and effort.

A couple of days ago, she said she would call me, but she didn't. I called a few times and eventually she picked up. She was studying, and we talked for a while. We even played a game together, and later she asked me to stay with her while she slept. She fell asleep while I was there, and eventually I said goodnight and left.

The next morning, she actually called me herself while she was getting ready to go to the hospital. She showed me some of her dance steps and we talked for a little while. She has dance performances coming up on the 7th and 9th, so she's been practicing a lot.

During the day I sent her a couple of funny memes and we had a short conversation, but overall WhatsApp communication has become pretty dead from her side. I'd say I'm putting in maybe 90% of the texting effort and she's putting in around 10%. She also hasn't opened some Instagram reels I sent her for almost two days, which is unusual because she used to see them much quicker.

After work, around 7:30 PM, she messaged me saying she couldn't call because she was at dance practice. I was honestly really sad because I'd been hoping to talk to her after work. I called her a few times, and she told me she would be tired after practice and would probably just go straight to bed.

I said okay and went to the gym.

I came back around 9:30 PM, showered, ate, and around 10:20 PM UAE time (almost midnight in Kerala) I messaged her goodnight. I saw the message had been delivered, so I assumed she was online. I tried calling her on Botim, but it showed that she was busy.

That's when I started overthinking.

Her parents usually sleep early, so I started wondering who she could be talking to. I kept calling, probably around 10 times, and it kept showing busy. She didn't message me either.

Eventually she called me back and told me she had been on a call with a guy I'll call YC.

According to her, YC had called because she had left her hospital the previous week and he had a doubt/question related to that. During the conversation, he started talking about his struggles at his new hospital, and the conversation just continued from there.

They ended up talking from around 10:48 PM until almost midnight.

I know YC is younger than her, and I've also seen some messages from him on Instagram that I personally felt were a little flirty. I mentioned that to her, but she said he's younger and that there is nothing like that.

What hurt me most wasn't necessarily that she talked to another guy.

It was that I had been waiting all evening hoping she would call me, and she ended up spending almost two hours talking to someone else without even telling me she was on a call.

I told her that if she had just messaged me saying, "I'm talking to someone, I'll call you later," I wouldn't have kept calling.

She said that she would have told me eventually if I hadn't called, and admitted that the situation was her mistake.

But she also told me that I need to stop behaving like this. She said she likes talking to people around her and that it's becoming frustrating for her when talking to me because she feels like I'm constantly needing reassurance.

She also said something that really hurt me: that she can live without me.

At the same time, she kept saying, "I love you, I want to live with you. What more reassurance do you need?"

Eventually she said she needed to sleep and that she would call me the next morning.

The next morning, she messaged me about an hour before she normally called. I said good morning and waited.

After about half an hour I called her. She didn't pick up.

I called again 10 minutes later. Still nothing.

Then another 5 minutes later she picked up and said she was going to the hospital and would call me later. I asked why she hadn't called when she had told me she would. She said she had bathed, had early dance practice and had to leave early.

I got emotional and asked why she had become so rude and distant.

She told me that this whole situation was frustrating for her and that she had already asked me to give her some time. She said I don't seem to understand how she feels right now.

I asked, "But what about my feelings?"

And she basically said that right now she can't keep thinking about everyone else's feelings because she's already overwhelmed and frustrated herself.

I asked if the dance was causing most of this stress, and she said yes.

So I told her:

Fine. I won't disturb you or call you until your dance performances are finished. If you need anything, I'm here.

She replied, "I'm sorry!"

And that's where things are now.

I genuinely don't know how to interpret this.

Am I being toxic here?

Am I expecting too much reassurance and communication from her, and turning my anxiety into pressure on her? Or are my feelings reasonable given the change in her effort and the late-night call with YC?

I know repeatedly calling her while she was on another call wasn't healthy, and I don't want to become controlling or suffocating. I genuinely want an outside perspective on whether my behaviour is becoming toxic, or whether I'm just struggling with anxiety after everything we've been through.

We met on Tinder in 2022 and got into a relationship within two days. We became extremely close and eventually started living together. The first year or so was genuinely good, and we have many beautiful memories.

Things changed around the second year. We started fighting frequently. He sometimes texted random girls, which made me lose trust. I also became very anxious whenever he went out with friends because they drink/smoke, and I'd repeatedly call him. He'd get frustrated, we'd fight, break up and eventually get back together. This cycle has continued for years.

In 2025, he was diagnosed with HIV. He doesn't know how he contracted it, and neither do I. I chose to stay because I loved him and wanted to support him. I'm also the only person who knows about his diagnosis; even his family doesn't know.

After his diagnosis, I became much more anxious about his drinking and smoking because I worried about his health. I'd get angry when he did it, and eventually he started lying about smoking because he felt telling me the truth would only lead to another fight. I understand that my reactions contributed to this dynamic too.

Then in February 2026, I found his Reddit account and saw messages where he was talking to strangers about meeting for sex and mentioned paying money. He said he was high, never intended to meet anyone, and claimed the accounts were actually men pretending to be women. I still struggle with what to believe.

Then in May, I developed feelings for a colleague. My boyfriend found out and I suddenly ended our relationship without properly explaining everything. He cried and begged me not to leave, and I couldn't bear seeing him like that, so we got back together. I know I was wrong and I take responsibility for hurting him.

Later, he told me he contacted his ex-girlfriend, who is now married, to get a female perspective about our relationship. He says she simply advised him to give us another chance. It made me uncomfortable because they apparently hadn't been in contact.

The difficult part is that he isn't a bad person. He has cared for me, supported me, taken me on trips, spent money on me, and there have been genuinely happy times. He's also tried to improve. At the same time, he tells me I don't appreciate him and that I've made him feel like a failure or loser. I know I've said hurtful things when angry, and I regret that.

But now I feel emotionally and sexually disconnected. Even when we're together, I sometimes feel anxious and think, “Am I destroying my own life by staying?”

Then I'll suddenly feel that I love him. I'll remember our four years together and all the good memories, and become terrified that I'll regret leaving.

I broke up with him three days ago because I felt the relationship wasn't healthy for either of us, but we're still in contact. He tells me he loves me, asks how I can leave him, says I only loved him when it was convenient, and tells me he has nobody except me.

And that's where I'm stuck.

Because I'm the only person who knows about his HIV status, I feel an enormous responsibility toward him. I keep thinking: What will he do without me? Who will he talk to? How will he cope?

Both our families also know about us, so there's pressure and embarrassment around ending a four-year relationship.

I know I've made mistakes. He has too. I don't want to portray him as a villain because he genuinely has good qualities. But despite everything good, I don't feel fulfilled anymore.

Am I looking at this correctly? Is this an unhealthy relationship that has reached its end, or can something like this realistically be repaired if both people genuinely work on themselves? And how do I know whether I'm staying because I love him or because of attachment, guilt and fear of losing someone after four years?

I feel like this heartbreak has dismantled my personhood.

I don’t want to move on. I don’t. I just don’t know what else I’m supposed to do when you’re not here.

Most days I feel like I’m barely existing. I wake up and somehow I’m still here, still thinking about us, still rereading things, replaying conversations, trying to understand what happened. I spend so much time trying to make sense of something that I don’t think I’m ever going to get an answer to.

And I’m so confused because when we talked again, you were so worried about making things worse. You were worried about ruining whatever chance might still be there between us.

But then… how you treated me after we broke up doesn’t feel like someone who was worried about that.

Some of the things you said to me hurt me so badly. I already felt destroyed, and somehow I kept leaving these conversations feeling even smaller, even more confused, even less like a person.

So I don’t understand. How were you so scared of ruining the chances while saying and doing things that made it feel like there was less and less of anything left to come back to?
I’m just tired.

I’m so tired of hurting.

I’m tired of spending my days inside a relationship that isn’t even happening anymore. I’m tired of trying to understand you, especially when it doesn’t feel reciprocal.

I’m tired of trying to understand myself. I’m tired of wondering whether any of this could have gone differently.

I still don’t want to let you go.
I just don’t think I have a choice anymore.
And that breaks my heart.

I wish you could know I’ve moved on. I didn’t cry or have my day ruined the mention of you. Our relationship is now in my past, and I’ll cherish that memories as a lesson. A lesson, if they were the one they will stay but you weren’t. Our memories will serve as path I went down the wrong turn. I want to say thank you but I can’t remember your face. I’ll forever remember your smile. But it’s been four months of heartbreak and a yearning I hated feeling. It’s true you will move on if you two stopped talking and others don’t mention you. I’ve learned to let go of something that no longer exists cause of that. It’s the best advice I give to people and I’ve heard. Just stop thinking and talking about them. You will let go. I hope you see this, as I still wish you the best. Thank you for the memories and the love you gave me. I’ll cherish you as a lesson than a grief of lost love.

The girl I had a situationship with a couple of years ago texted me. I know this is a stupid question, but should I respond and break no contact? Yes, even I have advised people on this sub not to break no contact, but I realise it’s easier said than done.

For context, we were in university together and we clicked pretty quickly. But she wasn’t ready to commit, even though we acted like we were pretty much a couple. Sometime down the line, she said that she was unsure about the kind of feelings she had towards me and wanted us to split. By that point, I was too attached to her, and it kinda broke me to pieces. Nonetheless, I respected her decision, and the split was amicable and we agreed to remain friends.

However, a couple of months down the line, the friendship broke down. Her texts became dry, and the gap between texts became wider and wider day by day. So I thought she wasn’t interested anymore, and I held myself back from texting her as frequently as I used to.

But yeah, the breakup took me to really dark places, to say the least. I kind of fell into depression and stuff, and it was really difficult. Nonetheless, I came through and decided to leave everything behind (including my friends and family) and start afresh somewhere new. So, I moved to someplace new last year.

Now she’s texted me saying that she wants to talk to me. Like, what am I even supposed to do now?!
Should I break no contact?

I mean she’s the reason I left home but I feel bad not replying to after I’ve saw her text.

Long story short this was the man I thought I’d marry.

I nursed him through stage 4 cancer, we planned our future together then one day, right after I got a back injury (go figure) he broke up with me, out of the blue (out of the blue for me, I’m sure there were signs I just don’t know what they were).
We talked a little after that. Then I decided to move across the country to be with my family and help care for my dad who now also has cancer. We were supposed to meet up to say goodbye but day of he decided not to because we couldn’t agree on a location. It was kind of nasty how he did it.

We haven’t spoken in like 4 months. I’m still hung up on the fact that he said if we ever broke up it was important that we remained friends. Quite obviously that’s not true to him anymore but it messes with my head and my heart is torn to pieces, so sometimes I’m up at night battling to urge to reach out to him.

I really just need the support not to.

Thank you.

I guess that wasn’t a very short story, my bad.

That's what one of my best friends said to me when she saw me recently on a video call.

Met my best friend on Earth, soulmate and wife when she was 17. Married her when she was 26. She slept with her boss when she was 40.

When I found out, I ended.

Everything changed, I stopped knowing who she was, her expressions, speech cadence, hand gestures, none of them were recognizable as hers anymore.

I got double pneumonia and complete kidney failure (amongst other things) about 24 hours after finding out. Spent 22 days in the ICU. She didn't call, she didn't visit.

Got out of the hospital, she refused to let me in the house. Everything has kind of gone downhill from there. Every single mutual friend went with her. Every in-law. Everyone.

It's been months now, and she spends her occasional free time emailing me cruel things, and it doesn't get any better. Everyone says it gets better, but it doesn't get better. Everyone says focus on what you enjoy, but what if you don't enjoy anything? Everyone says hang out with friends, but what if there aren't any left locally? People have said try dating, but let's be honest, nobody wants some used up dude in his 40s. That's never going to happen again. People say join clubs, there aren't any here. People say go out socially, but what's the point? Everyone says get comfortable and happy being single, but what if you don't want to?

Or, to sum up, how do you move forward when the new version of you that emerged from the death of your relationship is not someone that you want to be, but you are no longer able to be the person you were?

You lied to me while we were together

You said you lied because you thought the truth would upset me

You lied because you said you didn't want to hurt me

You lied because you said you felt guilty

Well I lied to you too...

I lied after we broke up

| lied when I said I wasn't interested in being with you

| lied when I said I don't wish you well | lied when I said I never want you to find love

I lied when I said I was healed and no longer cared about you

| lied when I said I have hard feelings towards you

I lied when I said to leave me alone

You lied because you didn't want to hurt me. I lied because I did want to hurt you.

Are we even now? No.

My heart hurts

My mind wonders

What is it?

Was my love and kindness not enough? Or was it too much?

In the end I'm still the one hurting. Im mad at myself for believing your lies. I'm mad at myself for telling you lies.

I know it's over but I think I'll always still love you deep down. I miss you a lot. I think about you all the time. I know it didn’t end well, but I don’t regret it. I’ve truly learned a lot.

Please don't ask me if there's still feelings because then
I'll have to say no which is lying to you again. Though I don’t want to lie to you but I don’t want to be hurt even more.

I don't want to shower.

I don't wanna brush my teeth.

I don't want to wake up.

I don't want to go to sleep and dream.

I don't want to go to work.

I don't want to go home.

I don't want to breathe.

I don't want to think.

I don't want to feel.

You've healed me just to reopen that same stupid wound from years before. And yet I don't hate you. Nevertheless, I wish you were out of sight and out of mind. I wish I hadn't met you if I knee I was gonna fall that hard and be that vulnerable with you. I've had my walls up for a century, and yet I trusted you enough to let you in. Never again.

Today wasn't particularly bad, but the thought of him still finds its way into everything.

I wonder if he ever thinks about reaching out. If something happens during his day, does he still have that instinct to tell me? Does he ever miss me the way I miss him?

I know I can't keep living in these questions because I'll probably never know the answers. But moving on feels strange when someone who was once such a big part of your everyday life suddenly becomes a stranger.

I'm trying to be okay with the silence. I'm trying to accept that missing someone doesn't always mean they're meant to be in your life again.

But honestly, some days I still wish he would just text me.

Does anyone else struggle more with the unanswered questions than the actual breakup?

He didn't appreciate me. He still couldn't commit to me after almost one whole year living like a couple and spending every minute together. He left me weeks after he finally told me he was ready to commit, move in with me and spend his life with me. He strung me along, probably always looked for other women while acting like he loved me and then left me saying he just doesn't love me enough.

And even though I'm hurting so much, I still remember how happy me made me, how much he made me laugh like no one else, how much I wanted him to be my future and husband one day and how he was the closest friend I ever had.

Why is my love for him bigger than realizing that I deserve better?

I loved you when you were fat

I loved you when you were skinny

I loved you when you were poor

I loved you when you had money

I loved you when you were kind and caring

I loved you when you were cold and distant

when you were making me feel loved

when you made me cry

when you treated me with basic human respect

when you treated me like shit because of a bad day

when you cared about what I said

when you ignored me

when you reduced me to only being a bitch in heat

when you ignored me if I acted like you wanted

when you called me stupid for every moment I took a moment to understand something, some reference I had no way of knowing about

when you said parts of my body looked weird

when you only wanted a friends with benefits

when you came to me "as a friend" to tell me how much you loved another woman, despite knowing my unchanging feelings for you

I loved you

and I hated you so much, at the same time

I hate you because I was never enough for you to even be a girlfriend

I hate you because you deliberately manipulated me

I hate you because you took advantage of the virgin girl with no dating experience

I hate you because you fucked up my self image

I hate myself because I changed so much trying to be what you wanted

I hate myself for trying so hard to get your attention when I'm not even your type

I hate myself because part of me still craves you

For 6 years, I (29F) endured being in an abusive relationship where I was yelled at, insulted, never listened to, and felt unsafe due to my ex boyfriend’s violent behavior. I tried to leave the relationship many times, but never succeeded and fell back. I finally left a couple of days ago.

The reason was because I got the courage to do it for someone else. This year, I met someone who gave me comfort, safety, and attention that I lacked in my abusive relationship. This person became my best friend. He lives halfway across the country from me, but we would spend many hours together on call and always text each other. We would sleep on call together. He would be there for me and made sure that I was safe. He even made a song for me for my birthday. Eventually, he told me they had feelings for me and I slowly returned the same feelings back. We promised to meet in person this October so I can see him for his birthday, but I knew I had to be single by then. I was working overtime at my job so I can save up money to go see him.

It wasn’t until I talked to my best friend’s roommate about him in which I learned more that he really likes me and wanted to see me in person, but I was encouraged to finally end my abusive relationship so I can finally pursue my best friend. I finally ended my relationship after all these years. I no longer have any love for him. He cried to me, apologized to me, and tried to reach out to me through different numbers and social media accounts.

However, after I did that, things went wrong. My best friend told me that he suddenly doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and that he likes another man from a furry dating app. I was devastated and felt like he played with my heart this entire time. I knew I was warned, but I was too stubborn to see it because my heart wanted him. Me and him got into a heated argument last night where I said horrible things to him and he told me he needed space. He admitted to his mistakes and told me he feels bad for all the people he used in the past. He even started to cry about the thought of losing me, but he says it’s for the best if we don’t talk for a while due to how unhealthy we are for each other.

Today, I lost another friend due to this drama. This friend didn’t like my best friend and is disappointed in the fact that I went this far with him. They left me.

For the past couple of days I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten anything, and I’ve been overworked from my job. I finally collapsed and almost ended my life. I am not doing well. I thought of going to the hospital but I’m not sure. I feel so broken and alone.

We dated for one year and he ended things three weeks ago thinking he just doesn't love me enough.

While I'm still crying every single day, can't leave the bed and feel absolutely miserable, he's continuing his life like nothing happened. He goes to work, sees his friends, does fun activities, is already back on dating apps and lives a happy life.

I know that many people would say "you don't know how they really feel, it could be a show/they're just distracting themselves".

That may be true for many people but not for him and that's okay but it makes me so incredibly sad.

He's someone who usually moves on really fast, breakups were always easy for him and he doesn't feel really attached to anyone. So it is not a show. We've been in contact for a week now and talked on the phone and he wanted to know how I am and he said that he was feeling okay the past two weeks and he realized that it was the right decision to end things with me. He's doing really well and I mean, in some ways I should be happy for him because i love him and I want him to be happy.

But I'm sad that losing me isn't hard. He's not sad. He didn't cry or miss me. For him, it sure feels like there isn't anything missing. He just continues life, sees friends and has a good time.

Honestly, that crushes me.

It's sad enough when someone leaves you and tells you that they think that they don't love you.

But we were incredibly close. I lived with him most of the times, we talked 24/7 every day, planned a future and moving together in a few months. We were best friends and shared everything and had planned so much for our future.

But somehow, leaving me is easy and it doesn't make a difference to the man I wanted to spend my life with. It makes me feel so unimportant and invisible.

I wish one day, someone would feel sad to lose me.

I feel like this opens a wound or confirms a believe that I've had for all my life that I'm not important to people or hard to be loved or just invisible. I don't think I've ever felt truly loved in my life... by anyone. It hurts a lot when the person that means the most to you shows you that you're not important to them.

I am M50. 21 years ago I had the most exciting, romantic, sexy relationship I have ever had. We were going to move into together. Everything was going well until that point, I didn’t force moving in together or anything, it was just something that came up naturally. It was something we were going to do at some point in the near future. However, I believe I was over excited, and my over excitement spooked her, she got cold feet and broke up with me. Ghosted me for about 4 months. After those 4 months we met once and she basically said what I thought: my excitement was overwhelming. I knew what I wanted, she wasn’t so sure. That was the last time we talked.

Oh! That is incorrect. About 3 years after the break up we bumped into each other for about 1 minute at a music festival (the same festival we met at actually). It was pleasant but just “oh hi. Who did you see? Who are you going to watch later? Cool, well have fun”. This will be important later maybe.

Now, 21 years later, she contacted me saying she is in the area for a concert and wants to meet me. She kind of half apologised about her behaviour. I said it’s ok, it was a long time ago, I knew I was overwhelming then. Just forget about it.

Then we started texting. She wants you to know about my life, am I married, what is my job, what do I look like etc. She is married with 2 kids, she describes her husband as “a good friend”. We exchanged recent selfies. I’m acting like a bit of an asshole in the texts, but she keeps coming back. However, I asked if she could send me a full body photo and she said no need as it is just the same as 21 years ago, so maybe she is clicking to me being a bit of an asshole in the mails.

I want to ask her what her motivation is for contacting me, but I am scared of the answer. But I regret being a bit of an asshole in the messages now. I didn’t expect her to keep coming back.

It’s really thrown me off. She completely devesatated me 21 years ago. I was in a slump for years and years, and basically had a nervous breakdown over it. I’ve never been able to love someone the same way since. (Although had many relationships over the years and even got married and had kids myself).

I assumed she just wanted to check up on me out of curiosity, or maybe felt bad about the way she broke up with me (i understand the reason, but the method was truly awful). But after getting that apology thing over and done with she keeps coming back to my texts.

We’re suppose to meet for coffee in two weeks but I don’t want to go. She is still beautiful, and seems like she has her own life going on, but I am a mess. Fatter, uglier, my career took a nosedive, my finances are rubbish. I am a loser and since she came back in my life I realise how much of a wrong direction I took because so much of what i loved remineded me of her.

Anyway I have no idea what is going on, and even though I write this, there are 100 details missing from my explanation.

I hate myself for getting excited and thinking she wants me back, even though we both have our own families now.

I am thinking of meeting her and dressing like the dude from big lebowski,,being the biggest absolute looser i can be, have tea with her, and see of she still mails back after.

Her sudden resurfacing has really thrown me into a manic depression and I can’t get out of it, but I am also smart enough to be able to see it and understand what is going on. I hate it.

If you broke up with someone 21 years ago, I recommend never looking them up again. It’s such a selfish thing to do.

The fact that she's bisexual doesn't bother me. It's the fact that she confessed to me that she doesn't emotionally feel that "something" for men. There's a reason she's 80/20 bisexual.

She has been my only girlfriend. She was my first love; I've known her for over 10 years.

We were boyfriend and girlfriend, but my immaturity ruined it. Six years passed, we saw each other again, started talking, and tried to date again.

Although we never had an official date, we did see each other every 2-4 days. And we started having physical contact, like hugging or her stroking my hair.

For the first time in 6 years I felt safe, loved, and heard again

But one day she told me that she simply couldn't give me what I needed.

It has been a very difficult road to adapt to this realization, But what has hurt me the most is knowing that, beyond my flaws as a person, I will never be enough for her because I am a man, and I cannot give her what she wants/needs because I am a man

It's a different kind of pain than being rejected, because in those scenarios at least something could be done, however remotely difficult the situation might seem. But not here...

We agreed to be friends, and even though my feelings for her will never fade, I prefer to be her friend than to be absolutely nothing to her. I'm at a point in my life where I've lost important people for different reasons, and it never bothered me too much. But with her, it's completely different. I spent six years regretting losing her back then. I simply can't lose her again.

I have never felt that click with anyone else in any way, never.

She is the most unrealistically beautiful girl I have ever seen, she is the funniest person I have ever met.

When she made me laugh, I could feel it was a combination of laughter + a sense of security, "it's safe here."

I could write a lot, much, much more, but I don't want to make a bible out of this.

I just wanted to say that I genuinely don't know how to cope with the fact that I won't be able to be with her, the fact that she likes being with girls, the fact that someone else loves her the way I have loved her.

I honestly do wish you the best of luck with every new found whore that you find in your lustfilled lifestyle endeavors.. since your bar isnt very high, im sure youll continue to keep running through them in bulk.. the lower the standards, the more youll find.. and youre in 1st place when it comes to QUANTITY.. its the QUALITY part that you severely struggle with

Hi people. I really need someone help here, I’m struggling.

So, today, I went on a date with this girl I’ve been getting closer and closer with for the past two months. We’ve spent the past two months calling, texting, doing basically everything together. So close to the point we were discussing meeting each others parents etc. Then today, I finally had the chance to take her on a date.

I took her shopping, brought her flowers, we got food, sat by a river and basically started noting in this little notebook we bought, which was meant to be for all ours memories and things we wanted to do with one another. We hugged, leaned into each other and I personally felt a wonderful connection with her.

I get home, almost tearful because of how much it meant to be able to have someone that thought so deeply and was so kind to me. She messages me, saying she needs to talk. As it turns out she is did not feel a connection like she thought she would, and she is not interested in being together anymore. I understand this has happened in literally the past three hours but I am genuinely devastated beyond belief, the amount of time and effort I poured into this girl is unbelievable. And yes, I’ve been in two relationships before which ends for their own reasons, so it’s not like I’m exactly new to breaking up. This just feels different though.

TL;DR: I went on a date with someone I’d known for a while, and she’s ended up breaking me.