So I have been dating this girl for like 3 weeks, we went out for 5 times in total and every date was a blast. We clicked on every topic, had the same music taste. We also kissed and hold hands.

One afternoon I was getting hot-headed and feeling appreciative so I thought it would be great to do something to show it, and I was thinking about giving her a surprised so I sent a flower to her office.

Then things went south from that moment. She replied and said that she doesn't like having the spotlight and bringing private matters into her job, and that my action just violates her boundaries. Also, that I sent her the flower that she hated most.

My heart sunk, and I realized that how much of an idiot I was, for not asking her beforehand that if she is comfortable with this action, I also didn't ask what kind of flowers does she like. Because I was afraid that the surprise is no more if I ask those specific questions.

I proceeded to apologize, but the dynamics are clearly different now. We are supposed to meet the day after but now it was canceled.

I totally understand that my action was wrong and amateurish, and I don't even know how to keep going in this relationship anymore. Deep down I think it's over.

Is there anyone facing similar scenario?

Edit****
Additional information to clarify certain details: Initially I hesitate to include too many details because she might see this but fuck it.

- It was never my intention to paint her as the bad guy, nor making myself seems like a victim, I wrote this post because I was in so much pain, I feel like I need a place to vent and share my feelings.
- She speaks in a more direct style, so once again, I don't think she was mean, it's just how she speaks
- Her work place is a yoga studio, all female. Yes, I know the location because she asked me to join her class before.
- She is not married
- She initiated our date 4 out of 5 times actually, I was the one that acted a little passive initially, and she was the one that scheduled the next date as soon as we finish the previous date
- We text everyday, morning and night
- And this is also part of my thought process to be more 'active' and 'bold', I told myself to stop being so passive and I sent her the flowers.

To preface my husband and I have had our ups and downs when it comes to attraction. Mostly on his part. I have always found him attractive, but he has expressed issues in the past with my weight (which fluctuates and I want to work on) and my hair (which is the point of this post because I don’t know if I’m going crazy being upset).

The conversation in question happened tonight. We were discussing an upcoming event and he said something along the lines of “I’m guessing you’ll wear your hair up in the things?” (Referring to a kind of pigtail half up half down style I do that works well with my hair because it’s very full and thick naturally). I told him I wasn’t sure because I hadn’t thought much about it yet. He then said “I like your hair straight and natural.” This is comment that caused the spiral of fight that followed. I told him my hair isn’t naturally straight. It’s curly (and if any fellow curly girls are reading you probably know the insecurities that come with it. Not feeling “professional” or “put together” or what the hell ever). But he kept pushing saying he likes it “straight and natural”. The conversation escalated to where he kept talking about preferences in relationships and that people are entitled to that. He compared it to him shaving his head as my preference. He’s got a receding hairline and opts to shave. I love him shaved but honestly wouldn’t mind he did whatever made him comfortable. I kept trying to say that his example is a haircut. Him saying he prefers my curly hair straight is totally different. It requires an hour of styling plus heat damage to accomplish. I actually ended up hitting record on my phone about 1/3 of the way through our convo because it felt so off. He later back pedaled and said that he said he preferred my hair down but denied saying anything about my curls. But I’ve got it all recorded. I don’t know if it’s worth showing him or if I just brush it off.

I guess I’m just feeling like the natural version of myself isn’t the version he prefers and it hurts. Im wondering if anyone else has dealt with this. I’m wondering if this is something that I even should deal with.

Edit: throwing in a quick edit to address race because comments are asking. We are both white.

My dad (55M) did this to my older sister (28F) and then to me (26F). Both times when we were 18. He would tell us on our birthday that we had broken his wife's (52F) heart and spoiled her motherhood journey and he didn't want to speak to us anymore because of it.

Basically the background is our mom died when we were 7 and 9 and dad remarried when we were 10 and 12. For dad it was a new beginning and healing from losing mom. For us it was painful to see someone take mom's spot in the picture. We didn't want a new mother or mother figure and dad and his wife felt like we needed someone in that role in our day to day lives, because they felt our grandmothers were too old and not in an ideal spot to fill the role. She realized after a year that she was not going to get two girls who came to her for girl stuff and relied on her for motherly things and she stepped back. Dad was upset at the time and he had several family meetings about it but she said she wasn't going to keep trying if we refused to come to her when we needed a woman. Dad asked us why we didn't go to his wife and my sister said we had actual family members to go to. I said nothing. I was the quieter of the two of us.

Then when we were 12 and 14 dad and his wife told us they were having a baby. It really upset me at the time and I went up to my room in tears. My sister and dad got into a huge argument and she came to comfort me while dad tried to confront me over the tears. A few days after he asked me why the hell I cried and I told him it was hard to hear he was doing it with someone other than mom and it was an awful feeling to realize so much was moving on without mom. He told me his wife had broken down after neither of us was happy and my sister heard him yelling and started yelling back in defense of me and it just kept this tension.

My dad's wife was pregnant twice. That pregnancy resulted in them having a son together and according to dad and his wife we ruined the experience because we never got excited or involved in shopping for the baby or planning for him. We also didn't care that we didn't get to see the baby until after she was discharged because under 16s were not allowed as visitors at that hospital at that time. The second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage early in her second trimester. Dad accused us a few times of ruining her motherhood journey. But when he said he wanted nothing more to do with us he really went in on us doing that to his wife. When he did it to me I called my sister and she let me live with her. And that was the last time either of us saw or spoke to dad.

But recently he has been reaching out to me on social media and asking to sit down and reconcile and to patch things up before my wedding. He has explicitly stated he expects to be invited and he expects his wife and their son to be invited too. This has never been my plan and even if I did agree to meet with dad and speak to him he would not be invited to my wedding.

I'm only really torn because I feel like there are things left unsaid. I don't think there is any hope for reconciliation. There is just too much water under that bridge and too much room for conflict to happen. He has not reached out to my sister either which makes it feel even more like he wants to use this as a way to come to my wedding and then say fuck us because we're still not looking for his wife to be a mother figure for us.

TLDR: My wife cried during/after rough sex but doesn't want to talk about it. How can I balance wanting to respect her discomfort with talking about sex with my desire to better understand her wellbeing?

Sometimes, especially after a drink or two or when she’s really excited by seeing some manly stuff in a movie, my wife wants me to be aggressive with her in the bedroom. It’s not something we ever discussed, and she feels very awkward about it.

So, she never says “be aggressive,” but rather, she will start insulting me or being bratty and say things like “what are you going to do about it? You’re going to let me talk to you like that?” Over the years, I’ve more or less figured out what “works” for her when she’s in that type of a mood.  I always try to be careful, because I know I am a lot bigger than her.

But we have never actually talked about what she likes or what her limits are. In general, she is very shy to talk about sex. And especially this kind of sex. If I ask her about it later, she just says something like “I think it’s normal for girls to like a guy who takes control.” and when asked for specifics of what turns her on she says “If I have to tell you, that sort of ruins it.” Once when she was drunk she told me to blindfold her, but other than that she has never actually said what she wants.

This has been fine for years. I don’t particularly get off on the idea of hurting her, but I definitely like how excited it gets her and over time got pretty good at playing the character, so to speak. But a few nights ago, I think I may have been a bit too harsh. I noticed that her eyes were red like she was starting to cry. I stopped and asked if she was ok but she quickly said “just keep going!” So I did. Afterwards when she got out of the shower, I could see her eyes were puffy and knew she definitely continued crying in there.

All she has said about it is “It was good don’t overthink it” and starts to get angry if I push for more information. So now I am wondering if I am overthinking it, and perhaps I should just trust her to be an adult and tell me if she didn’t like something. Perhaps if she feels uncomfortable talking about it, I should respect that. But then I also get worried that the reason she doesn’t like talking about this is that she has quite confusing feelings about it and she herself might not really know what she is or isn’t liking. I also think that maybe, if only for my own peace of mind, I sort of have a right to know more about this. Or is it selfish to think I have a "right" to anything involving her? It’s only once every few weeks she’s in the mood for this sort of thing, so it hasn't happened again and I am not sure I’d be fully comfortable with it next time.

How do I best respect her feelings on something like this? Is there anyone who is experienced with the psychology of rough sex? Can crying just be part of it?

EDIT: Thanks for advice so far, but after posting this I got private messages from not one but two different people being creepy and I'm not sure exactly what they even want. One seems to be suggesting he could give her rough sex better than me and another just makes no sense. So I'm really getting the whole spectrum of Reddit reactions here, haha.

DOUBLE EDIT: Responding to some common points: This lack of communication basically only applies to sex in our relationship.

Also, she is not western. People in the comments here are talking about therapy, and using terms like "sub space" and other jargon that she would call, and I quote, "white people shit." I'm not saying that you're wrong, just pointing out that it would be very weird for me to use those types of terms with her.

I’m a 21-year-old man and I’ve been in a relationship with my 20-year-old girlfriend for five years. Recently, I was driving home through a big city when my car started having serious problems, and I had to pull into a random parking lot because I didn’t feel safe continuing to drive.
My first instinct was to call my girlfriend and ask if she could help me. When she answered, she told me she was actually already on her way to the same city to visit her friends. I asked if she could pick me up or help me get home, and I even offered to give her money for gas so she could return to see her friends afterward.
She told me no because she already had plans with her friends. I asked if there was any way she could help since I was stranded with a broken-down car, but she told me to call someone else because other people could help me. She continued with her plans while I was left dealing with the situation alone.
What hurts me most is that if the situation were reversed, I genuinely feel like I would have dropped everything to help her. I understand that she had plans and that I technically could call other people, but I feel like being stranded with a broken-down car is an emergency where your partner would at least try to help if they were nearby.
I’m also wondering if this says something about how differently we view our relationship and what we expect from each other during difficult situations. Is she bad?

Hello there. My boyfriend 23M and I 22F have been together for 4 years now and throughout that time he had been at art school for an animation degree. He was going to a pretty prestigious college since he had won a scholarship to pay for a good chunk of the tuition. Well he graduated recently with high honors and from what he had told me he’d be able to put in his portfolio to some large studios and be able to get a job.

The only problem was that was 9 months ago. And nothing has happened. He keeps assuring me that “studios are looking at his art” but this feels like way too long to start getting into an industry that he has a degree for. My degree is in pediatric nursing so admittedly I don’t know how art works professionally.

In the meantime he’s been working entry level jobs that don’t actually need a degree. Like being a cashier or stocking shelves.

I know this sounds horrible and I have no idea how to tell him this nicely. But I don’t think he’s going to be able to get a job with his degree. I was already worried last year because of the rise in AI and the overwhelming amount of people ALREADY in the industry but he kept assuring me that he’d find a job. It doesn’t help that he’s kinda stuck drawing in the same art style. He doesn’t like drawing outside of it, or drawing in any other media, and I think it really hinders him.

He keeps paying for additional out-of-college classes about animation and when I ask about it he keeps saying that they will “help him” somehow.

When I started showing concern about his job market he said that he’d wait until he was 35 and then he’d change trajectory if he didn’t make it in art.

He’s going to wait 12 years? I’m gonna be honest, this pissed me off because he could literally train for several other skills in college during that time. I’ve even recommend short term courses he could do for a medical job like mine and he kinda just acknowledges it and then drops the subject.

My family is starting to get worried too. They have a very traditional mindset where the man should be able to care for his partner. I’m training for a high paying job so I understand he’s not going to make more money than me but I don’t want to carry all the weight of our finances. They keep asking how his job search is going and I’m honestly getting embarrassed when my family asks I have to say that he doesn’t have a job in animation yet.

The worst part is he’s a really sweet guy and besides this we have no problems whatsoever. He’s very intelligent and could learn other trades. It’s just I don’t know if he’s in denial or he simply doesn’t wanna see what is likely to happen. But I wish there was a way I could tell him nicely that there’s a chance his animation job isn’t gonna pan out how he wants and to use his time while he can to set himself up for a job where we can support himself/us.

If anyone here has any advice it’d be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Because some people were asking questions I’ll give some additional information.

I work part time while in nursing school. I went into nursing so I wouldn’t have to live in poverty like my parents did. I’m mostly covered by a scholarship I earned. Which is why I consider having a stable income important.

He comes from a wealthy family who covered the part of his college tuition that wasn’t covered by scholarship.

He hasn’t updated his portfolio in a few months and he only draws 1-3 times a month. I’m not sure why he’s not adding to his portfolio. Also he doesn’t want to work for small indie projects, he only wants to work for a larger studio.

I’m getting more worried now specifically because he’s been wanting us to move in together.

I’m not “self conscious” like one comment said about how my family sees him. My family is just worried about me because they don’t want me to struggle like they did.

I feel like my relationship with my wife of 12 years is over. A few years ago she had a rapid personality shift and I now feel her and I are no longer compatible. When we married were were both more left leaning (her much more than I), atheist, had a lot in common, and we in general held the same moral values. In her personality shift however, she became hyper conservative, and got really into Trump and Jesus. She seems my worldview as "misguided" and "evil" and has accused me of being in a cult. Because of this she has been telling me for a couple years now that she doesn't trust me and doesn't feel safe with me, and she wont until I come to Jesus. There has been a lot of verbal and emotional abuse to go along with that, but I don't really want to get into it. I've been asking her for two years now to go to marriage counseling with me, but she refuses. She is convinced that therapy is bad and does more harm than good.

I'm at the point where I feel the only real option is separation/divorce. I still care about her and love her, but I don't see a future where both of us are happy unless one of us has drastic change. I don't think I can rewrite my core values to match hers. I feel both of us would be happier in our own relationships. Ideally I'd want us to be in a situation where we CoParent 50/50, and use a mediator for any disagreements on how to raise the children.

The part I'm struggling with is bringing myself to actually have this conversation with her. Despite everything I still really care about her and the idea of hurting her is painful. I've tried to initiate the conversation a few times, and it has gone poorly.

I guess I know I'm in a toxic relationship that I need to leave, I'm just struggling to actually do it.

How can I start this conversation? I want to avoid a messy heated fight, because the more we fight the more it hurts the kids.

TLDR: Want to leave wife, not sure how to bring it up to her

I wanna start by saying that I love my wife with all my heart. She is funny, smart, hard working, caring, a great mother to our children and the most beautiful woman in the world. We've been together for 5 years and it's been the happiest 5 years of my life. However... she has this gross habit of picking her nose and eating the boogers.

I have tried asking her to stop this (in a caring way) for 5 years now. She will get embarrassed and laugh it off and say she just does it without even thinking about it. She's a creature of habit and I know it's hard for her to stop but you'd think a grown woman would be able to quit after 5 years of me reminding her that adults should not be eating their boogers.

So, what can I do to help her quit this filthy habit once and for all?

Be nice please ❤️ and I apologize for the long post.

Hi I'm just looking for advice on how I can handle this. I (F 32) just moved in with my bf (M 34) and his mom. We've been together for a year and a half and she's been wanting me to move in with them for the majority of the relationship. That's because my bf and I pretty much said we're going to get married, and she really wants grandkids. Me moving in with them speeds up that process, and also because she has always been desperate for a girlfriend. Even a daughter. She doesn't have any friends, her husband (bfs dad) left over 30 years ago, and only socializes with her mom and sister. I really feel for her that she wants a relationship with me and I value that. I would love to be friends with her and have an MIL and DIL relationship, but I'm not her daughter and it feels so unnatural and weird that I feel that she's trying to raise me. At 32 years of age o_o. It gives me the huge ick, I'm ngl. It's not even in a cute way, she's really rude and out of line about it like telling me when to shower and getting upset that I don't like the things she likes. And despite both of my parents passing away when I was young, I already had a mom and no one can her replace her.

I have adamantly rejected her offer of moving in through my bf because.. well.. living with her is hell. She has an explosive temper, and isn't afraid to tear your down for pretty much any reason. This includes when she's trying to assert her dominance, she decides to compete with you over something your doing, she's in a bad mood, she doesn't want to take accountability for something, things don't go her way, the possibilities are endless. While she's the worst to my bf, she does this to pretty much everyone who is family and me as well. However, unlike them, im not use to it and I refuse to be treated so disrespectfully when I show nothing but kindness and consideration towards her. Im able to stand up for myself now, but it got so bad this winter with her that I had a whole month of terrible insomnia. My bf at the time was no help because he would just say "she does this with everyone" and couldn't understand why I was "bugging out". A lot of you guys will say I should have left, honestly I should have. But I was in a really fragile point in my life at the time; I was at my last semester of finishing my BA as a non traditional student and a breakup would have ruined my chances of graduating. Eventually he realized that he was wrong and that this wasn't something any normal person can process. So he helped me get through what I was feeling and my insomnia, and he would stick up for me when his mom demanded for me to come over (one of the issues that was giving me insomnia was her pressure of me to cater to her loneliness despite the fact that I was juggling school full time and my demanding part time job, and going over there only to experience more anxiety due to her behavior). As the months passed by, I grew thicker skin and per the advice of others, decided the best way to combat her behavior is to show her that I'm no bitch. It helped. A lot. For establishing my boundaries and also giving me peace of mind. But, it's EXHAUSTING. She fights or resists back by playing mind and emotional games. And I don't want to play. I love peace, love, and easy living. I don't want to do this every day.

By standing up for myself, and also because her mom basically said she needs to change if she wants her only son and potential daughter in law to give her grandchildren, it caused her to start changing her behavior. It's a slow process. Like pulling teeth. And she still sometimes makes it everyone else's problem. But she is trying. And it got a little better in the last two months, it actually felt really joyful being around her.

Last minute I decided I would move in with them. I had set backs that ruined my bf and my plans to get a place together, and the savings I saved up after leaving my toxic job had to be used up. So I moved in with them, despite my bf hating living with his mom, he still always wanted me to move in with him and her... They're really big on family life. Despite the fact fight that the two of them fight with each other almost every day.

Anyways, I moved in last week and... Well.. it has been not great. A lot of mind games, a lot of passive aggressiveness from her, a lot of people trying to maintain peace but her always starting something, or her and my bf yelling at each other. And she expects me to be like her... And how it involves my future kids. I refuse to be like her, and that's one of the few dozens of reasons she's been shooting jabs at me; because I'm refusing.

It's slowly cooling down. It was high tensions the last wel because of how difficult it's been for everyone to get adjusted to each other here. And then my bf and her yelled at each other again two nights ago. And now No one is really talking to each other. After a week of being expected to choose sides or be peacekeeper, Ive been staying in my room the last two days. I've been very polite with them but just not interacting with them. And you know what, even though no one is talking to each other, no one has yelled at each other (not that I was telling at anyone), no one is over stepping on each others boundaries, and we are all living in our own peaceful bubbles. But how this healthy? It's not. And during this time, I have been really thinking heavily that I refuse to let this dysfunction be my future, and I refuse to be the person they expect to fix their relationship. I'm too damn tired 😩. And this is making me feel so depressed.

I don't know what to do. My bf is really, truly, a fantastic partner. He has supported me and lifted me up and had rooted for me every step up the way. He's been there for me any time I needed him, and we love each other deeply. But I can't live like this. Unless this is a time where people in this house are being introspective and reflecting on how we can be better with one another in this house, I just know that she's going to get back on her shit again and start chaos, act like the victim, we all go quiet again and "forgive each other" and it all just repeats. It's madness.. and I'm so damn tired. I don't know what to do. Would couples counseling help?

Thank you for reading.

I (34M) have been seeing this girl (27F) for more than a few months, but less than half a year. I thought it was going pretty great, until recently, my attachment style has gotten more anxious, thanks to a new male friend she's made. A couple months ago, she met him at work and he's quickly become her new best friend (32M) (I think?).

I think the main thing that has me overthinking is that they see each other more than I do now. Not only at work, but they usually hang out multiple days during the workweek doing a coworker happy hour thing, and often on the weekend as well if I'm not there. So let's say 4-5 days a week (not counting work) on average. I live far enough away and have such a long commute that I can currently only see her about 2 (3 if I'm lucky) times a week. They also text constantly, like 24/7. She's always smiling and laughing out loud at his texts, or telling me some story about the latest funny thing he's said or done. She says she's never bored with him, because she's never sure what he's going to do.

She does seem pretty aware he probably likes her and other friends have mentioned it to her as 100% what's happening here. He's mentioned his dating woes and the type woman he wants around her, and it's basically just a description of her. On the other hand, she says she's not attracted to him, he's like an older brother, just a new best friend, etc. She says she loves me. Plus, I know our relationship is new enough she could just leave me if she wanted to. Now that the "L" word is out, I should be more confident, right?

Still, I can't stop the overthinking. I've brought up some minor feelings of jealousy once or twice when she's mentioned him, but phrased it as I'm more jealous that he can spend more time with her than I can. I've tried to stress it's 100% my thing to fix and don't change your behavior or new friendship on my account. For a few weeks, she said she tries to see him mostly during the day or group activities because she suspected he liked her too, but I think that's stopped, which you know, should be fine, as I said directly I didn't want her to change her behavior. But for example, they're out right now late at night one-on-one grabbing a drink on a weekday at 1am, and earlier this week they hung out one-on-one after a group outing to go bar hopping together. She said they both just wanted to keep the night going and talk, and she used it as an opportunity to teach him where to take dates and how to treat them to help his dating woes.

I don't want to be controlling or let my insecurities show too much, but I might have already failed at that just by bringing it up more than once lol. I'm kind of afraid she'll stop bringing him up, which I don't want either. I want to hear everything about her life, all the time. I want to be her confident and fun confidante, the kind of guy that probably attracted her in the first place.

But I also don't want to be naive, and take the next step to emotionally invest in someone, only to walk into something I should have seen the warnings sign of. Plus, even if he is just considered a friend by her, do I want my new gf's best friend to be a guy pining after her, who would no doubt gladly want to sabotage our relationship if things ever got rough just so I couldn't have her?

How do I approach this next? If people think it's nothing, how do I shift my mindset to get over this on my own?

Tl;dr: My (34M) new partner (27F) has a new male friend who's become her best friend, clearly has a crush on her, and she sees him way more often than I see her. Although he hasn't said anything yet, she's aware of the crush by now and says she's not attracted to him. I'm not sure if this is an issue, but I'm kind of jealous anyway. Maybe it's other things, like the distance, but I also don't want to invest in a relationship where I'm always slightly on guard. How can I deal with these thoughts and feelings without making it uncomfortable for my partner or her new close friend?

So for about two weeks now my gf and I have had good times going out on dates and all that. It all goes well until later at night she wants to call or start sexting. I try to go into it but it always ends up with her being upset because I am doing it wrong. Sometimes it goes good for a bit but then suddenly drops. I know this isn’t like the past but before the same sort of talk would’ve worked out well. I feel like it’s been like the same outcome for the past few days except today it was worse where I was given like 4 different attempts to try and do good but failed everytime 😭 like I don’t know what to do. I have been told to stop acting like a child when saying sorry and stuff if it goes bad. Any of you guys have any phone or texting advice to keep the mood going?

I live in an apartment block with my partner and we've been having some neighbor disputes around petty things like parking that has been ongoing, albeit intermittent.

My problem is that my partner is taking things super personally. In these kind of situations, I am probably on the non confrontational side. I prefer to be outcome focused and I really don't feel the need to fire back at every perceived infraction as long as the issues are resolved.

There has been a number of times where I have asked him to let things go, because it makes me super anxious to be on bad terms with people we live in such close proximity to. However it's like he can't help himself and I feel like it's about his ego now more than anything.

He recently received a passive aggressive letter from a neighbor, and while I agree with him that it was uncalled for it really was inconsequential and I asked him not to respond because who cares as long as the issue was resolved - which it was.

Cut to last night, he came home after some drinking and saw the neighbor on the way in, while they were conversing with another neighbor. Apparently he gave him a verbal serve about saying things to his face if he has something to say. The way he described it it sounded like he was being quite aggressive. He then apparently gives out to the other neighbor, who up to this point has only been in the periphery of the drama and making us more of an enemy to all. This would be 4 different households now he's had a run in with.

It my mind, this was totally unnecessary, ego driven, and goes against my request for him to not escalate things because I am so anxious about it all already.

I expressed how unhappy I was about it and he was very defensive, I feel like he prioritizes his pettiness over my comfort. It's a home that I own too, he pays me rent but it's my house so I feel responsible.

I don't want to be controlling of his behavior, and I understand him not wanting to feel like he is being walked on. There have been times where I have appreciated his ability to be forthright - but it really bothers me that he can't put aside unnecessary pettiness for my sake. I have observed he can be a bit like this in the stories he tells about things at work, and when we are having an argument or fight he can be like this too and become petty and vindictive.

I want to tell him that I don't want to hear about it any more if he chooses to continue to act like that, but I'm afraid that it will become my problem anyway eventually, since I am the home owner and it just invites retaliation. It feels like he doesn't respect me and I don't like how it reflects on me, but maybe I am internalizing this way too much? Would I be wrong to make a boundary about him confronting the neighbors? He does live there too and he's an adult I don't want to tell him what he can or can't do but this is causing a rift and making me lose attraction.

My (M/35) and husband (M/37) have been together for almost 10 years. About 7 years ago he started a new job and found this friend (B F/39). They started off strong, same personality and got along great. B and myself were cool at the beginning but I eventually got tired of them together. B is a sloppy drunk, loves to party, doesn’t know when to stop. Recently husband and I have talked about this, I have stated my feelings. They continue to hang out but I do not associate with B. Reasons are the drinking, and how immature she is (still lives at home, no future prospects, etc). How can I push my feelings about her to the side so my husband doesn’t feel bad hanging out with her?

He enjoys hanging out with her, but none of our friends do. So it’s always just them. She always gets sloppy, always tries to stay the night and just a mess. Husband stays level headed and takes care of her. When he gets home, I feel like he is already defensive about her and I’m always annoyed (not towards him but her). We typically end up in a fight. I don’t want him to cut her out but at some point it’s hurting our relationship. He does limit his drinking interactions with her but every time she drinks, it’s the same story.

What’s the right move?

I posted here recently about my relationship and the responses genuinely helped me see things differently. I’m 23F, he’s 32M, and we’ve been on and off for almost 3 years. I’ve decided I’m done and I don’t want to go back.

Very briefly, there has been a lot of behaviour I now realise I should never have accepted. He has dragged me across a floor by the neck/collar of my pyjama top, put his foot on my face, smashed up a room during rage, called me a cunt, snake and bullshitter, repeatedly kicked me out during arguments, and has been dismissive about my career and studies.

I’m not pretending I’ve behaved perfectly. I’ve had emotional reactions during arguments that I’m ashamed of, but I’m starting to understand that me reacting badly does not make the above acceptable.

The thing giving me huge anxiety now is our dog. I currently have him and I absolutely adore him. My ex obviously has a bond with him too, so I’m scared that once he realises I’m genuinely leaving, he’ll try to take him. He lives with me and I pay for everything but he was also bought in a relationship so technically he’s legally entitled and could bring a claim.

What makes this harder is that practically, I’ve often been the one making sure the dog is properly cared for. As one small example, my ex was feeding him cat food. I told him three separate times to throw it away because it wasn’t for dogs and he still didn’t. I eventually had to bin it myself and bring dry dog food from my own house so he had proper food to eat.

For anyone who has left a really unhealthy relationship involving a shared pet, did your ex try to use the animal to maintain contact or regain control? Is there anything you wish you had done beforehand to protect yourself and the dog?

Separately, I’m really struggling with doubting my decision even though I know how bad all of this sounds written down. He is extremely successful financially, I loved his nieces and nephews and felt part of his wider family, and I keep having this horrible thought of, what if I never find someone as successful again?

I know how shallow that sounds because obviously success means nothing if somebody treats you terribly. But I think I’m grieving the entire life I imagined with him, not just him personally. Has anyone else had that fear after leaving and eventually realised there was much better out there?

Hello, so the other day I went out to start setting up playing DND with my mates, it was a big group of us. And at that gathering there was this woman there called her Jane and I didn't tell me my gf about Jane cause I didn't think it was a big deal and I was gonna tell her on the phone a few days later anyway.

So come a few days my my gf gets realllllllly pissed at me that I didn't tell her and is pissed we follow each other on Instagram.

I don't see Instagram like a weird platform where if people follow eachother then it's like massive thing. Also I had nothing to hide I did really just think it'd be easier to tell her over the phone. Idk I don't feel like I messed up but now she's saying that I betrayed her trust and that she can't trust me anymore? I think she's thinking it's suspicious why I didn't tell her which I do understand but it wasnt out of guilt or anything.

The only thing that was weird was cause I was trying to get her into DND too and I didn't invite her into the GC cause I didn't know if I could just add someone, I didn't know if it was normal and she's upset cause I made her included then didn't tell her about the woman

I'm not sure what to do, she is still like talking to me we was on call last night, but she's being cold. I really don't know what I did wrong or how bad it was?

Idk I'm just rambling, still a little worried so it's all coming out in a random order and parts, really unsure what to do or what it means, my mum said that it's normal to have female friends and that and I shouldn't feel guilty or bad if I didn't tell Jane straight away

EDIT: She has now agreed to go to therapy with me I am just waiting to get paid

I started talking to this guy at work because he has been having a rough time. He came round one evening and the next day the police came to my door. His ex messaged me that day to warn me the police were looking for him apparently she called them for a welfare check the day before as he posted “FML” and a cliff on snapchat. Then his family had called again after he didn’t go home and hadn’t even in contact since the day before. She also showed me a screenshot where she caught him on hinge behind her back that’s why they had broken up a couple weeks before.

Anyway at first I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore but we can talking again and now we have been seeing each other a few weeks I’ve met his family etc. He’s really nice just really struggled with depression but I’ve been supporting him and he says I help him feel better.

Then the other night he changed his cover photo to us and his ex must of seen. She messaged me and said “I thought nothing was going on between you? I did warn you what he’s like” she said he’s been watching her Snapchat stories like clockwork daily after unblocking her only on there and showed me a screenshot. He’s blocked her again now. She then said the day after the police were at my house they met up (this was just over a month ago) and got back together for a week he then ghosted her and blocked her no explanation.

I’ve told her he’s clearly moved on now and I sorry he hurt her but he’s with me. I don’t know what more I can say really. He’s nice and people can change. He’s been through a lot.

Well now he’s had a letter from her saying she’s going to take him to court for some money he owes her for unpaid work when they had a business together which doesn’t help as he is already 20k in debt. How can I support him through this? She’s clearly crazy, she’s even apparently been putting on Facebook that she was abused and is speaking up as out it.

TL;DR how to support boyfriend through depression?

My best friend and I met when we were 11 and have naturally had ups and downs throughout the past 15 years. However, one of the more consistent downs we have is whenever she gets into a relationship. She completely disappears as a friend and I feel really disregarded. She doesn’t get boyfriends often, but any time she does it becomes a point of contention for us. She’ll stop talking to me, stop responding to messages, and never have availability anymore for plans. It almost broke our friendship last year when I moved away for the first time and she couldn’t bring herself to step away from the guy to come spend time with me before I moved.

So fast forward to last month she tells me about a guy she’s going on a date with and I already am feeling like I have to prep myself if it goes well. It does go well, and she tells me 3 days after the first date about how she introduced him as her boyfriend and they’re obsessed with each other. As soon as I hear that I know its DEFINITELY cooked and sure enough, she isn’t texting me anymore and is really only just replying to my texts, not really conversing with me.

When this has happened in the past, I try and bring up that I feel discarded as her friend and that she only prioritizes her man, but I just get called dramatic and jealous. Is there any other digestible way I can word this feeling?

How did you know it was time to end your long term relationship/marriage when children were involved?

Not comfortable giving too much detail as I have a few friends active in here and I’m not ready to be questioned by them.

I will share we’ve been in the relationship for 4 years, we have a toddler together that we planned, and babies on the way as well. I am a sahm. We are in a financial rough patch, but pretty much have been for the entire relationship.

The issue is I feel like my partner no longer likes/loves me anymore. He does t talk to me unless I speak first, and his replies are always short, cold, or annoyed. He doesn’t compliment me, at all. Even now when I actively fish for compliments from him, I get nothing. I also hardly see him. He’s been out of work now for over a month, and spends all his time in our garage, leaving me with our very difficult toddler 24/7. I’m talking, he now stays outside in the garage all night, to the point where I’m allowing our toddler to sleep in our bed with me since he isn’t here. I have to text him to get him to come inside to say goodnight to her as well. He says goodnight, she only wants to play with him because she doesn’t see him during more than an hour when he comes inside occasionally. He doesn’t bother giving me quick kisses, or even really greeting me when he does come inside or when he’s saying goodnight.

Intimacy has been a struggle with him for 3 years. He blames how he grew up, and childhood SA. I am the only one who initiates sex, and he only returns interest half the time. Always says he’s tired, it’s too late and it’ll wake him up more, or something on him hurts. We are now at 2.5 months of no sex, almost no physical touch at all. I’ll get the occasional quick belly rub or quick back scratch when I ask. He is on his phone when he is in the home, and fails to even give our toddler his full attention for the short time he’s inside. This has started to affect her, as she’s become very irritable and clingy, while rejecting me and standing at the door to go outside toward the garage screaming for daddy. I’ve told him this, as well as recorded it to show him and he hasn’t outwardly shown that it hurts him. This causes her to not want me to comfort her or play with her, and she has started asking me to bring daddy back, as if I am the one controlling where he’s at, since I am the one who controls everything in her life now and am essentially parenting alone.

We are suppose to be shopping around for a new place to rent, he has shown very little interest however despite knowing our current home won’t be an option for longer than the next 6 months.

And yes, I’ve talked to him about ALL of this. Countless times now over the last 3 years. He’s always insisted he’s stressed, or tired, or just not a very affectionate person. He says he’ll work on it, but doesn’t. We’ve argued over it in person, and over text. At the moment, my last message about the matter has not been read, and I was left to do bedtime with our toddler completely alone, yet again, which again is difficult as she just screams now, wanting her hug from daddy, and to see him more. Tonight it took 2 hours to settle her. He hasn’t responded and he absolutely could hear her screaming, I’m sure the entire neighborhood could.

His current excuse is that he thinks there may be something seriously wrong with him physically, like he is sick or something as he’s claiming he’s incredibly sore/tired and “feeling funky”.

I would love nothing more to go back to mutual obsession, love, adoration, devotion and complete interest in our family. It will be such a struggle to leave and become a single mom to 3 kids, I have NO village. Just my few friends, with lives/kids of their own. It’d be extremely difficult for me to do this alone, but it’s already extremely difficult to do this in a relationship. I can feel myself losing interest, and maybe even love for him now. Advice is welcome.

Tldr: How did you know it was time to leave due to lack of returned affection?

She's been acting distant lately, and I started thinking she was losing interest in me. I got hurt and eventually stopped reaching out. (We talk to each other every single day, literally every day, so 4 days of barely talking felt like a lot to me 🥀.) When she finally texted me after those few days, I was still hurt and acted cold instead of asking what was wrong...

Today I finally asked what had been going on, and I found out she was actually going through a lot and was depressed, to the point where she isolated herself from everyone :(

Now I feel FUCKING TERRIBLE. I was so caught up in my own hurt that I didn't realize she was hurting way more than I was, and I wasn't there for her when she needed someone 💔

I keep thinking I should've just asked what was wrong instead of assuming the worst. I feel like I failed her, especially because I care about her so much 😭😭😭

Wot do i do???

My dad cheated on my mom when I was 4. The other woman got pregnant and my half brother was the result. My parents divorce and dad married the other woman. She was pregnant again two years later and had a really bad pregnancy and was diagnosed with cancer and then died when my half sister was a couple of weeks old. At that point my dad tried to reconcile with mom and she told him to fuck off and go to hell.

A couple of years after my dad's other woman died my mom got this really big promotion at work and it changed our lives. My dad read about it somewhere and then he started complaining that he was a struggling single dad and my quality of life was so much better than my half siblings. He told mom she should voluntarily pay more child support (he petitioned the courts and it was rejected) and she should be generous with my half siblings because until that point she had nothing to do with them and never bought anything for them either from me or herself. She refused.

My dad's side of the family got involved and they all shit on my mom. I got to go on cool vacations, eat at nice restaurants, I got great gifts from my mom and I could include my friends in stuff whenever I wanted at mom's expense and my half siblings were never included. I never wanted to invite them btw. I knew they weren't my mom's kids and I also knew dad had cheated. It didn't always make sense to me but I knew it hurt my mom and my dad blamed my mom for feeling hurt and not getting over it.

It only got worse when my half sister was diagnosed with asthma and diabetes and my dad would ask mom to help him out with medical expenses or he would ask her to send food over for everyone at his house when I was there. She offered to send me food and to get enough just for me. But dad said he could feed me he just wanted help. He asked people in my mom's family if they would donate old clothes and toys and they refused which I heard all about from dad's side.

My dad had a back injury and he needed surgery on his spine a few years ago. He asked mom to let my half siblings stay with us while he was out of commission and she said no. She took me someplace to get my mind on other things and everyone on dad's side was insulted that my half siblings didn't get included and they were more insulted when they saw on social media that I had bought my best friend something and not my half siblings.

When I turned 18 a few months ago everyone on dad's side told me it was time to be a real man and cut out the people who would shit on children and punish them for the actions of adults. I told them I loved my mom and would never go against her when I didn't think she had done anything wrong. They all yelled at me and dad told me a sibling relationship will last longer than a parent one.

For starters - she said she thinks she has a problem with “body dysmorphia”. She acknowledges the problem, but I’m gonna be honest the only thing she does is hit the gym extra hard, but she’s fit as fuck, absolutely crushing the gym. Is there anything I can do better or start doing for her? I really just wana be there and support her anyway I can. Is there something I can do on my end?

Giving her compliments, reassuring her beauty, listening to her while not giving advice or feedback is what I’ve been doing and I don’t think it’s doing anything. Positive or negative; haven’t tried the feedback part yet becuase I know she doesn’t wana hear it and she will stop shutdown even more.

My girlfriend is an absolute goddess; beautiful in and out, kind, generous, literally everything any man could ask for. I’m not leaving her. She’s stunning, very fit, curvy, athletic, you name it she has it.

She HATES it if she isn’t 100% covered up. It’s 96° out and she will go out wearing a hoodie and sweats just so no one sees her. I’ll ask if she wants to do anything outdoorsy; she’s loves being in tuned with nature.

I’m at a loss and I don’t know how to better support or help her. I understand this is her battle and I can really only be there for her. But ladies I’m begging ya lol help a man out please and thank you.