Spent more time working when I should have taken more time for my son.

Nothing is guaranteed in life and I had to learn it the hard way.

I chased status and external validation when I should have been working on internal validation.

for me it is not spending more time with friends when i was in my 20s now we are far apart

To some, it was just a blip in their timeline. To me, it really changed the trajectory of everything. I was already struggling before the pandemic, but I was optimistic I could turn things around. Then the pandemic and lockdowns hit and it just made everything worse. Nothing has been the same since 2020 and it's just crazy how life can play a joke on you like that. You can work real hard and do everything right, but it doesn't guarantee things will go your way, especially if luck is not on your side.

32M. Was bullied as a kid by people I thought were safe, I was just quiet and made me an easy target I think. No adult figures in my life infact home was so broken too I never had a chance to regulate my nervous system after a day of bullying already. It's left me hypervigilant in public, rushing, on edge around people, frozen and wide-eyed when it spikes, inner critic dredging up everything bad anyone's ever said about me like it's being confirmed in real time. Used to only happen around specific triggers, now it's pretty much any human interaction.

Doing EMDR and somatic work, which helps, but I'm curious if anyone here in their 30s+ has actually come out the other side of this, not just "managing" it, but genuinely feeling different in public now. What worked? How long did it realistically take?

Was at the bar last night, and I heard a grown adult man yelling "noogie!" I turned around and much to my surprise saw an adult man giving another man a noogie. Hadn't seen one in decades to say the least.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I’m not really sure how to put it into words.

I’m getting older and I’ve started thinking a lot more about life, death, and what I’m actually supposed to be doing with my time.

On paper, I have a pretty good life. I have a good job, a nice house, a wife, kids, and a lot of the things I always thought would make me feel like I had “made it.” I’m grateful for all of it, and I don’t want this to come across like I’m unhappy with my family or my life.

But at the same time, I sometimes feel like I’m missing something.

When someone I know passes away, or even when I hear about an animal dying, it affects me pretty deeply. I start thinking about how temporary everything is and how eventually the people and animals I love won’t be here anymore. Then I start thinking about my own future and how quickly the years seem to be going by.

And the strange part is that I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do about it.

I have responsibilities, and obviously my family gives me reasons to keep going and things to care about. But outside of being a husband, father, and employee, I sometimes struggle to figure out what my purpose is.

I don't necessarily want to become rich or famous or accomplish some huge thing. I just want to feel like I’m using my time here for something meaningful.

Has anyone else experienced this as they got older? How did you find a sense of purpose or meaning when you already had a relatively good life?

I’d really like to hear from people who have gone through this and what eventually helped them.

Some men go out buying an expensive car or changing careers. What is the best mid-life crisis you’ve seen someone go through?

Hey everyone, i just turned 30 and I feel like I’m having a bit of a nervous breakdown. When i was a kid i pictured me at 30 very differently from what i am now. I’m a firefighter. I’ve only recently started putting in the work for that. I feel like I should have kids by now but I don’t. I don’t really have much money. I feel like kind of a failure. I have a wife who loves me lots and I’m grateful for her, but the fact that I’m not wealthy and I don’t have kids yet freaks me out yet the idea of having kids really is freaking me out too. I am mostly just confused. Everyone around me in my current position is like 21 to 25 and the guys who are my age are well established in this career. Some days I feel so much pressure to be more that I want to die. I won’t do it because I really want to live but my body wants to just give up. I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted great, I’m on my phone, and if you read this far thank you.

My wife loves to fill the fridge with fruit - am i being unreasonable for thinking this is a bit much? I also eat less fruit because I’m not a fan of cold fruit lol room temp does me fine! - she thinks it’ll last longer. i say it‘ll last longer on the table because we will eat it quicker lol

Morning Gents,

I'm 28 and own a home with a great mortgage, I don't have the best job so I've been struggling trying to find something better but the jobs available in my small town pay terribly, I commute to the city everyday 1h and 20m, I have done so for five years. As I've gotten older home maintenance has piled up and I am planning for the future retirement contributions and all. I've been stuck in this spot where I can't contribute anything and keep going in and out of debt trying to survive.

I work in higher ed and can't move up at the college I work at I need a bachelor's degree and I refuse to go into debt. These financial struggles have severely taken a toll on my marriage and my health, I've developed a life long auto immune disease from the sheer stress of everything.

Now my wife and I have been together for ten years, it appears she's given up she has drawn the line in the sand and has told me no matter what she will not work, she's not keeping up with the house we have no children, and all she does every day and all she has done for years is just sleep. I am sometimes working 16 hour days and will work weeks on end without a day off, I've pretty much destroyed my well-being to support us and my efforts alone are just not enough.

Have any other men been here in my shoes? I'm pretty lost, worried about my future, I wanted to make it work with my wife but I feel like I give more effort and care more for the longevity of the marriage itself. I have made the decision to sell the home and move to the city to pursue a more lucrative career path.

I will invest my equity and income for retirement and live well below my means while in school. My wife on the other hand wants to use her equity and buy a camper and live on family land and wait for me to get her when I am stable, guys am I insane here?

I got called out by a friend I have that I’m kinda inconsiderate. I don’t get napkins for people when we’re eating together, or like offering to throw out food for her when leaving a restaurant. It made me think that I’m very much not a gentleman. Being conscious of this now I want to change. I know what to work on and what I’ll be more mindful of moving forward, but have any of you also had a moment of being called out on having bad manners and working towards changing?

I’ll try and keep this short.

I’ve been going to the gym for almost 16 years. The first 5 years was spent mostly doing bro splits at a commercial gym, got bored, and eventually joined a CrossFit gym and never looked back (I even competed on occasion). I love going to the gym (commercial or CrossFit box) and can’t imagine my life without it.

During these 16 years I did injure myself on occasion. My injuries were pretty minor and usually healed after a couple weeks with some physio visits.

However, over the last year and a half my injuries became more frequent and I generally just feel more achy. At times I would scale back and adjust my workout to accommodate how my body felt, but ultimately I would push through.

About 3 months ago I decided to take a break from CrossFit and focus on Olympic lifting. It’s one of the aspects of CrossFit that I really loved and enjoyed doing.

I decided to join an Olympic lifting club and met with the coach to do a few on-boarding training sessions. The coach IMMEDIATELY called out my poor form and helped me correct it. My lifts felt much more fluid and I was able to reach full depth, something I always chalked up to poor mobility.

I didn’t join the lifting club right away as I needed to finish up my last couple weeks at the CrossFit gym, which is when I (slightly) fractured my L5.

It’s been 6 weeks. I’ve been working closely with my doctor and physio therapist and my back has been doing better. I still can’t go very heavy on my lifts, but at least I’m seeing some progress.

That being said, during those 6 weeks rehabbing my back I somehow pulled my tricep/lat while doing pull-ups and this morning my elbow popped (followed by a sharp pain) while doing (light) overhead presses.

When I met with that Olympic lifting coach they were able to immediately point out my bad form, and I’m starting to feel like the past 16 years was spent building a body that can’t actually move properly.

Overall I don’t know where to go from here. I desperately want to get back to training how I used to, but with my back still healing and now my tricep/lat/elbow issues it feels like I can’t get a handle on my body.

FWIW: I’m 37

EDIT: Just to clarify, I DON’T plan to go back to CrossFit. My goal right now is to join the Olympic lifting club and focus on Olympic lifting.

Need advice for a fashionable yet supportive sandal.

I’ve been wearing Chaco flip-flops for years, but I wear them 5-7 days a week and I’ve increasingly realized that living in flip-flops probably isn’t doing my feet any favors. I’m in my 30s now, otherwise healthy, and figure it’s probably time to start treating my feet better while there’s still no issues.

Here’s what I’ve tried so far:
— Chaco Clouds: Extremely comfortable, but apparently not particularly stylish. My wife was pretty clear on that point.
—Birkenstock Milanos: right foot felt great, but apparently my feet aren’t entirely symmetrical because the arch on the left foot hit in the wrong place.

So now I’m back to the drawing board.
What I’m looking for is something open, with actual heel support, that I could comfortably walk several miles in if needed. Basically, I want the support of a real shoe without actually wearing a real shoe.

What would you recommend?

It something that's constantly brought up, and to be honest, not something I'm overly concerned about.

That's not to say I disregard the importance of taking care of the planet. I have the ability to make decisions, and I try and be as conscious of my impact on the world as possible. However small it might be. I guess that's where the frustration lies for many. That we are capable as humans to make significant changes to better the earth and life.

But in the end, the universe and the earth will do what it does. We'll die off eventually. Maybe sooner than we should. The planet will die off way down the line. It is what it is.

Always makes me reflect on that George Carlin bit about saving the planet...

Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet… nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine… the people are fucked! Difference! The planet is fine! Compared to the people, THE PLANET IS DOING GREAT: Been here four and a half billion years! Do you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years, we’ve been here what? 100,000? Maybe 200,000? And we’ve only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over 200 years. 200 years versus four and a half billion and we have the conceit to think that somehow, we’re a threat? That somehow, we’re going to put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that’s just a-floatin’ around the sun? The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us: been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drifts, solar flares, sunspots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles, hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages, and we think some plastic bags and aluminum cans are going to make a difference?

The planet isn’t going anywhere… we are! We’re going away! Pack your shit folks! We’re going away and we won’t leave much of a trace either, thank God for that… maybe a little styrofoam… maybe… little styrofoam. The planet will be here, we’ll be long gone; just another failed mutation; just another closed-end biological mistake; an evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, a surface nuisance. You wanna know how the planet’s doing? Ask those people in Pompeii who are frozen into position from volcanic ash how the planet’s doing. Wanna know if the planet’s all right? Ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. How about those people in Kilauea, Hawaii who build their homes right next to an active volcano and then wonder why they have lava in the living room?

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: The Earth plus Plastic. The Earth doesn’t share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the Earth! The Earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the Earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place: it wanted plastic for itself, didn’t know how to make it, needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old philosophical question: “Why are we here?” PLASTIC!!! ASSHOLES!!!

So the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now, and I think that’s really started already, don’t you? I mean, to be fair, the planet probably sees us as a mild threat; something to be dealt with, and I’m sure the planet will defend itself in the manner of a large organism. Like a beehive or an ant colony can muster a defence, I’m sure the planet will think of something. What would you do if you were the planet trying to defend against this pesky, troublesome species? Let’s see… what might… hmm… viruses! Viruses might be good. They seem vulnerable to viruses. And uh… viruses are tricky; always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed. Perhaps this first virus could be one that-that compromises the immune system of these creatures. Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along and maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.

Well that’s a poetic note and it’s a start and I can dream can I? See, I don’t worry about the little things… bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we won’t ever understand, a higher order. Call it what you want. You know what I call it? The big electron… the big electron. [Imitates electronic hum] It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is and so are we… for a little while…

39F. I wear what fits my body, feels comfortable, and is a style I like. I try not to ruminate too much on what others may think (if anything) but sometimes worry I come across as dressing "too young"

I have a fit yoga body and have a hard time finding stuff in my size and style that isn't marketed for young women. Eg, I wear a lot of O'Neill, so like a flowy skirt and a somewhat crop top/tee or a crop dress. I also dgaf about wearing short shorts when it's 90+ degrees outside if I'm outdoors or running errands

So like this outfit I own:

https://us.oneill.com/cdn/shop/files/FA4415004_CEM_2.jpg?v=1717123692

Just curious if this is viewed neutrally / positive / negative? I always like when other people wear whatever makes them happy so curious if others generally feel the same

Growing up my Dad used to take me and my brothers hunting. My first rifle was a Winchester 30-30 passed down from my grandfather.

However as I got older I started getting more into fishing. I find it more relaxing. I'll go hunting every once in a while but when I'm not busy me and the guys on my shift we'll go fishing on the island when we're not working.

Hey, I’m 18M from South India. I recently moved to North India for my studies and I’m doing a BS in Math.

My uni life is actually pretty good and I don’t really have any major complaints about college itself. But I don’t stay on campus, and I think that’s making it harder for me to actually make friends and feel connected.

I also don’t speak the local language, so sometimes when people around me are talking in it, I just feel left out and don’t really know how to join in.

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with studies and other stuff so I don’t think about being alone, but it keeps coming back and honestly bothers me quite a lot.

Has anyone else been through something similar after moving to a completely different place for college? How did you deal with it and actually make friends/build a social life?

I am someone generally paralyzed by indecision. Should i go camping? When? next weekend oh i didnt decide and now im still home. Should i do this on friday oh whoops its now friday no plans. This extends to bigger stuff, job search, making friends even life management. I get lost in the forest looking for a tree

I guess it is over analyzing. Occasionally i will get tired of this attitude and make a big impulsive move. Which is also bad, sometimes, no enough thought put in

Where is the middle ground?

What framework do you use to make decisions that actually take responsible action without getting lost in analysis paralysis

I started doing Yoga (specifically Reverse kegels) as I realized my premature ejacualtion may be caused by tightening in pelvic floor.

I also started doing squats and RDL at the gym, after stopping leg workouts for a couple months.

Plus, I started doing Anterior Pelvic Tilt stretches for the hips, and strengthening abs and core.

Then all the sudden started seeing frequent urine dripping a couple minutes after using washroom.

Anyone knows the reasoning?

I live in the DC area which has always been known for being stuffy and traditional when it comes to work attire. Men have always been expected to wear suit and ties, business casual was slacks + tucked in button down shirt + dress shoes. Lately I've been noticing things have loosened up a bit. Capital One Corporate HQ is in the DC area and I was hanging out around there with some friends who work there. I was surprised that so many employees are fairly dressed down. Khaki's with sneakers and an untucked shirt, many were wearing jeans. People were still put together and weren't sloppy but it's far from the traditional suits and business casual. The pandemic definitely accelerated the comfy trend but I also believe that boomers aging out of the workforce and retiring has changed things as well.

What have you noticed has changed since boomers are retiring in the corporate world?

I turned 30 years old. What advises would help yourselves on that age?

I'm in a decent job right now, but looking to expand my skill set, and started a CCNA certification.

Without getting into things too much, if you had to choose between celebrating a milestone birthday for your oldest (16) and taking your other child to their football game roughly an hour and a half drive away, essentially taking roughly 8 hours of the day causing you to completely miss your oldest's party and not getting home until almost midnight... Which would you choose? Would you miss your oldest's birthday to get your youngest to their game, or make your youngest miss a game to celebrate your oldest's birthday?

I don't really have a choice here, it's one or the other. I didn't get the game schedule until last minute so the party was scheduled. Now I'm stuck either missing ones birthday which I will regret missing, or missing a game that I know the other wants to go to to be there with his team.

Edited to Add Preface: I live in a Condo building with virtually no storage. I like being by myself. I enjoy solo travel but I'm looking for something one can do day to day after work or on weekends.

35-40 Men that live by themselves, what do you do outside that's not a sport or drinking at a bar?

I like to hike outdoors. I also go for walks sometimes.

Also can't golf and I suck at pretty much most sports other than volleyball that need hand eye coordination.

I don't even know why I'm thinking about this, but I'm looking for a 'refined' activity, something akin to Mycroft Holmes sitting in one of those fancy leather chairs reading a paper.

I like to have tea but it would be bizarre for grown man to sit in one of those tea rooms for an afternoon tea.

I'm located in the Toronto Area for context.