r/nottheonion 22h ago

Penn State announces new ‘Paterno Family Football Experience Room’

https://www.inquirer.com/college-sports/penn-state/paterno-family-football-experience-room-backlash-20260903.html

What is the experience 😬

304 Upvotes

158 comments sorted by

409

u/Zaxxon_Klaxon 22h ago

No one wants that experience.

164

u/Bedbouncer 21h ago

Paterno Family Football Experience Escape Room

31

u/orrocos 21h ago

Fun fact: there is no escape!

11

u/wizzard419 12h ago

It's pretty easy, you just turn around and walk away without trying to stop things.

16

u/Illustrious_Knee7535 18h ago

You're stuck in a locked bathroom with an old man that wants to "teach you how to shower."

32

u/Awkward_Bison_267 21h ago

Milo Yiannopoulos might. Too bad for him he got deported.

6

u/CantankerousOrder 13h ago

Those last few words always make me smile.

11

u/Farucci 21h ago

Keep your back against a wall.

8

u/User-no-relation 15h ago

Just stay out of the Sandusky corner

15

u/wwarnout 21h ago

Especially not the kids that were victims of sexual abuse by a former coach, which Paterno didn't report to the police

9

u/-OptimisticNihilism- 20h ago

What’s the first rule of the paterno family football experience room?

5

u/NUDES_4_CHRIST 15h ago

Keep looking away.

3

u/SquanchySnoo 15h ago

I mean don't rule EVERYONE out....

4

u/burns_before_reading 14h ago

I'm guessing someone lets you into a room and proceeds to look the other way as someone else attacks you.

2

u/Churchbushonk 15h ago

It sucks he let his buddy diddle kids and young adults. Other than that, JoePa seemed like a solid dude.

2

u/UDPviper 11h ago

Complete with the Sandusky shower room experience.

2

u/theretailreject 11h ago

Trump and the Epstein file people do

170

u/whereyouatdesmondo 22h ago

Literally not reading the room.

41

u/SmoothnSteady 22h ago

Agreed, won't be reading in THAT room

18

u/Doc_Chim_Richolds 21h ago

You can't read anything when the entire experience is about turning a blind eye.

6

u/haroldbalzac4 15h ago

Oh god, is everything in braille so you have to touch it? <shudder>

11

u/FrostedTacos 21h ago

This is the Epstein era. They read the room perfectly.

51

u/stanley_leverlock 21h ago edited 21h ago

If the room is full of Penn State fans then they definitely read the room. They worship Paterno and if you ask then about him raping children they're like "oh well, WE ARE PENN STATE"

Edit: my rage and annoyance got the best of me. Sandusky was the pedo, Paterno knew about it and covered for him. 

30

u/Imbleedingalready 21h ago

"If he covered for a single mutherfucker who's a kiddie fucker, fuck him he's as evil as the mutherfucking rapist." -Tim Minchin (The Pope Song)

6

u/HappyAd4998 20h ago

Rich people don't live in the same reality as us, if another rich person goes to jail it's because they were framed or whatever excuse they want to make up.

3

u/ThatBadFeel 20h ago

No no they’re experiencing it.

3

u/JonBoy82 18h ago

Depends is this room on an island?

2

u/supershinythings 2h ago

Sandusky is still alive in prison.

59

u/DanielCraigsAnus 22h ago

I don't think that's the look you want to go for Penn State

8

u/Kerbart 19h ago

Money, while supplied by the taxpayer, comes from the government and they endorse those practices.

4

u/anagram-of-ohassle 18h ago

Encourage even, with many states permitting marriage before the age of 18.

1

u/supershinythings 2h ago

Perhaps they can make a diorama of Sandusky’s prison block.

48

u/OldeFortran77 22h ago

"Fun for all ages!" *

\ some ages more than others*

3

u/FromFluffToBuff 16h ago

This is so evil omg 😆

3

u/regcrusher 19h ago

“Some ages” is 60s

u/Johannes_P 36m ago

\ some ages more than others*

Or rather less.

68

u/[deleted] 22h ago

[deleted]

6

u/whereitsat23 20h ago

Do you get hazed also? Get broomstick shoved up you by an offensive lineman? Thank you sir may I have another

18

u/collin-h 20h ago

Better than the Sandusky experience I guess.

35

u/Vault101Overseer 21h ago

Oh boy, perhaps the Jerry Sandusky Memorial showers are part of the package?

12

u/JaggedUmbrella 21h ago

He's still alive, unfortunately.

13

u/MrMCCO 21h ago

Now see everyone, THIS is an oniony headline

24

u/cybah 21h ago

Certain people love this guy so much to overlook how much trauma he caused to people.

These people should lose their jobs for even suggesting this idea. No one cares about football that much.

4

u/kurizma 13h ago

apparently they do. these people don't deserve to live among us.

9

u/I_need_a_date_plz 21h ago

This is disturbing. This man turned a blind eye to his assistant coach abusing children for decades and they’re honoring him with a fucking room? No.

9

u/black_flag_4ever 21h ago

Next to the Michael Jackson Sleepover Institute.

16

u/Ok-Progress-7447 21h ago

Weirdest. Escape Room. Ever.

17

u/ImpulseAfterthought 22h ago

Come visit the Paterno Educational Development Office!

8

u/dustyolefart 20h ago

JoePa knew. Trash school and trash fanbase for not condemning this.

24

u/Bdog_blasterMax 22h ago

With a statue of Joe looking the other way with the sounds of cheeks being clapped pumped through speakers.

13

u/HotSaucePalmTrees 21h ago

WE ARE (a cult)

8

u/PunkChildP 21h ago

State penn

6

u/stuphanie 21h ago

Disgusting

6

u/Ilikepancakes87 11h ago

This is obviously a terrible idea, but the good news is that if you do want to go, you can visit repeatedly and everyone who works there will turn a blind eye and not say a word about you being there.

7

u/_-Cleon-_ 21h ago

I'm sure it'll be a very intimate, touching experience. Bring the kids!

6

u/Novel-Letterhead-217 16h ago

Do they quietly inform you of active pedophilia amongst your coaches as you walk in and you get to bury the secret like the real Joe Paterno?

15

u/SmaugTheMagnificent- 22h ago

I mean, the mask has long been off.

Americans fucking LOVE their pedophiles.

7

u/Awkward_Bison_267 21h ago

Roman Polanski says what?

5

u/drtywater 21h ago

To get it done right I hope its facing away from the Sandusky experience shower

5

u/thisgrantstomb 21h ago

Is there going to be a corner that they completely ignore anything that happens there because the corner is good for the rest of the room.

7

u/RTwhyNot 21h ago

The return of Pederast State University

5

u/eaglescout1984 20h ago

"People say this is the best football experience, and it's true."

-Donald Trump

"I always stop by whenever I'm in Pennsylvania."

-Matt Gaetz

"Great place for work release."

-Ghislaine Maxwell

6

u/colbykh 20h ago

Can we say “Tone Deaf”

5

u/black_metronome 20h ago

What's the experience? Turning around and covering your ears while someone gets raped in the showers?

5

u/RobutNotRobot 15h ago

So is it a desk you can sit at and hear about how your assistant coach raped a boy in the locker room and then do nothing about it?

5

u/Syphillisdiller1 13h ago

Do they just not tell people what's happening in the game?

8

u/thardingesq 20h ago

F Paterno.

3

u/CarlJustCarl 21h ago

Are there showers?

4

u/Vin-Metal 20h ago

Simulated molestation with a football? Sorry, but I still refer to Penn State as the Rape-anny Lions to this day and that was quite a few years ago.

4

u/Massive-Log6151 20h ago

Not sure if that’s a good look. The man who was so loved by many protected a pedo for the sake of PSU. Sorta sounds like what Pope John Paul did to the priests who abused children

4

u/dman928 19h ago

“The Rapeatorium” was taken?

A woman who likes younger men is called a cougar

A man who likes young boys is a Nittany Lion.

8

u/short_arm_t_rex 22h ago

Complete with a child rape room.

3

u/CrayZ_Squirrel 21h ago

Its ok they pretend not to see it

3

u/tonyk11 15h ago

They have a portrait of Joe. The eyes don’t follow you around the room they look the other way.

3

u/Ashraf08 14h ago

Don’t drop the soap

3

u/stardog_champ13 14h ago

We know what that experience is and I'm sure this is a bad idea.

3

u/The_Alternym 14h ago

More tone-deaf moves from Pedo State.

3

u/randomnamejennerator 11h ago

wow you get to turn a blind eye to a child being molested

3

u/tehbabyarm 10h ago

Will the experience come with”slap, slap, slapping sounds”?

1

u/CheezTips 5h ago

Yup! Like the last room you go through in a Halloween exhibit

3

u/SpeedImaginary9820 8h ago

Oh, let me guess… it’s the shower room?

3

u/MF48 8h ago

The joke just writes itself here

3

u/DarkGoron 8h ago

We call this the hall of denial!

9

u/DeathLeopard 22h ago

Nobody should have enough money to waste on something so dumb. Clear evidence that the "Penn State boosters" who are funding this aren't paying their fair share of taxes.

2

u/NotACertainLalaFell 21h ago

Joe Paterno experience is walking into a dark room while sounds of football and sex abuse play.

2

u/PaulBonion952 21h ago

Sandusky Sensory Room

2

u/ggggeo2 20h ago

How touching

2

u/Santos_L_Halper_II 20h ago

So many people had to approve both the concept and the name.

2

u/timothypjr 20h ago

What's behind that curtain over there? QUIET YOU.

2

u/outdatedelementz 20h ago

Penn State will never be able to get rid of this blind spot.

2

u/crappydeli 19h ago

There is no sex in the Sandusky room.
There is no sex in the Sandusky room. There is no sex in the Sandusky room.

2

u/rugger1869 19h ago

Is this a room where you see abuse, but you’re expected to ignore it for the program?

2

u/Char10 18h ago

Will this be next to the Sandusky Suite?

2

u/inkboundtr 18h ago

The wild part is that nobody will ever truly know what happens in there, since you have to be quiet about it after.

2

u/Crafty-Walrus-2238 16h ago

With Sandusky?

2

u/DoookieMaxx 14h ago

Does the “Family Experience” include the nefarious shower scene? Cause I’m not interested in that experience.

2

u/Ed_The_Bloody 14h ago

I will go to my grave with the opinion that the NCAA should have given them the death penalty. What a total disgrace.

2

u/colin8651 14h ago

Will there be showers?

2

u/ouroboro83 13h ago

"Over here, we have a figurine of Jerry Sandusky reviving a blow job from a ten year old. And here we see three mannequins of Joe Paterno, one with his eyes covered, one with his ears covered, and one with his mouth covered."

2

u/JonesyOnReddit 13h ago

I don't think I want this experience

2

u/Nathan-Stubblefield 13h ago

The Ben Dover Room.

2

u/Subject_Challenge_12 12h ago

You can’t tell anyone what you saw in there

2

u/nadiaco 9h ago

So they will be raped?

2

u/Fortestingporpoises 7h ago

Come for the rape, stay because they locked you in.

2

u/Beneficial_Potato_85 7h ago

Must be "this" short to enter!

2

u/DesertCoyote57 7h ago

Don’t drop the soap.

2

u/drethnudrib 5h ago

From this privileged point of view, you can watch boys being sexually abused, and be absolved of all responsibility when you fail to report it for decades. Welcome to the Paterno Family Experience!

3

u/Uz2bFiveO 17h ago

The “special” shower experience isn’t fun at all 😢

2

u/Geeekaaay 16h ago

No thanks, I'd like to not be molested and the told "you were not molested" by the people who DID the molesting.

Republican family values everyone!

1

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1

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1

u/KeepWagging 21h ago

Digiorno, Digiorno....Joe Paterno, Digiorno

1

u/DietrichDaniels 21h ago

Some comments just write themselves.

1

u/kineticstar 21h ago

Run child!! Run straight to your mommy! RUN!

1

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1

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1

u/Hyprpwr 21h ago

Close the Sandusky shutters for the full experience

1

u/Yiplzuse 21h ago

Bring your kids!

1

u/intronert 21h ago

It’s a dark room where you can’t see anything.

1

u/Impossible-Proof-294 21h ago

I'm in danger 

1

u/pulyx 21h ago

The slogan: "Have a diddlin'! Bring the kids!"

1

u/NotAPreppie 21h ago

It's where you can diddle kids without being reported.

1

u/drjmontana 21h ago

It will be a touching experience

1

u/trucorsair 21h ago

Well he is undeniably a part of their sports history, they could also include a Memorial Sandusky Shower exhibit next to it

1

u/fatcobra1333 20h ago

Terrifying

1

u/nixtarx 19h ago

Happy Valley resident here. Between this and that victim apparently "recanting," I'm so fucking goddamned glad that this stuff is back in the news. You have no idea. /s

1

u/MohawkElGato 18h ago

How did this ever become approved?

1

u/derekYeeter2go 18h ago

Don’t go in there….

1

u/gosluggogo 14h ago

Release the Sandusky files

1

u/909non 14h ago

Univ of alabama is gonna open a room of their own dedicated to lane kiffin... 

1

u/Mr_Paleblood 11h ago

I'm sure it will give you that touchy feeling all over again.

1

u/CheezTips 5h ago

Repost, but it never gets old! WTF Penn

u/Johannes_P 38m ago

Please, I hope that no children is to be admitted.

u/Furcheezi 31m ago

It’s just a giant shower you get raped in while Joe ignores it.

1

u/Constant-Plant-9378 19h ago

Do old men butt-fuck little boys in the "Paterno Experience Room"?

1

u/The_Alternym 14h ago

Valid question.

-2

u/stanley_leverlock 21h ago

Most of you are missing the point here. Penn State fans are a whole other level of brainwashed fanaticism.  They don't care that Paterno was a pedophile and was surrounded by people that knew it and covered for him.  

9

u/RiflemanLax 21h ago

Whilst I agree with the basis of your outrage, Paterno wasn’t the pedophile, Sandusky was. He just also didn’t fire Sandusky. He merely reported it up to his boss, which was the minimum he was required by law to do.

And to me, that should be his epitaph- “He did the minimum required of him while a pedophile went on victimizing children.”

4

u/stanley_leverlock 21h ago

Shit, you're right. Got them mixed up. 

0

u/HMSSurprise28 11h ago

Jerry Sandusky ruined the legacy of a very decent man that was in over his head and too old and old fashioned to deal with the things that were happening. That doesn’t mean JoePa didn’t do any good as HC of Penn St.

1

u/CheezTips 4h ago

I'll never believe that JoePa hadn't ever heard of men buggering boys. Not even in other cultures. He said it never happened, couldn't imagine such a thing was possible. Total BS.

What about "I know this has happened, even in Catholic organizations, but it didn't happen here".

How hard is that? I'm half in the bag and I came up with a better excuse than JoePa and the entire Penn Football machine came up with. To this day.

I saw the Paterno movie with Al Pacino (great movie btw) and it was too kind to Paterno, by far.

0

u/Comfortable_Bird_340 21h ago

Because child molestation is legal now

-1

u/Imaksiccar 19h ago

As a Penn State fan, I 100% understand the outrage and I think it was a bad decision as well, but why don't we have the same reaction to Schembechler Hall at Michigan?

1

u/The_Alternym 14h ago

Do we really have to explain it to you?

0

u/Imaksiccar 6h ago

No please do. Schembechler's 10yo son came to him with details of what the team doctor did to him and Schembechler's response was to punch his son .