There’s so much that’s difficult about TTC, so this is a thread for looking to the future and thinking about life after TTC.

This week’s theme: Your family! What do you hope your final family ends up looking like? Number of kids? Fur babies? How many spots are at your hypothetical future family table?

I'm hoping someone has some positive advice for women like me 35+. I feel quite defeated by this process some days. 6 months ago, we started trying for our first baby with no positive tests yet. Initially, I went to see my obgyn during month 1, and he told me to come back after 6 months of trying with my husband to run some tests, so here we are coming back for those tests.

I've been good with tracking (bbt, apps, cervical mucus etc), and seem to have a totally normal 27 - 29 day cycle / normal luteal phase. My periods were 2 days long prior to trying for a baby, but ever since we've started trying they are 4-5 days long. Idk why. I was wondering if there is something I should be specifically asking /advocating for with my obgyn this time around? I would love to do comprehensive testing so we can do intervention sooner than later. At 35, I really feel the pressure of mother nature and it makes me anxious.

Adding a positive post on here because I read so many horror stories and made myself so anxious.

Had my HSG this morning and it was SO much easier than I was expecting. For me the worst part was inserting the speculum, which if you’ve had a pap, you already know what that feels like.

My tubes were open, so I know that’s not everyone’s experience. But it truly was no worse that cramps on day 1 of period. And I wouldn’t even call it pain but more so pressure maybe? Honestly kind of felt like when you have a poop brewing and your like, okay I don’t have to go right now but I fear it’s going to come quick and I need to be near a bathroom lol

I took 800 mg ibuprofen about an hr before on an empty stomach and the stomach discomfort from that was 10 fold what the HSG was. If someone told me I could either take Advil on an empty stomach again or do another HSG, I’d be signing up for an HSG in a second.

Not to mention I think from the time I walked into the room, I was physically walking out 3 minutes later. I was SHOCKED at how fast it was.

If I had to go do it again for some reason I would not be nervous. I was so worked up for nothing.

I know this isn’t everyone’s experience, but my piece of advice is stop reading other people’s experiences because everyone’s pain tolerance is different, and aside from pain tolerance, each experience is different. 2-3 deep breaths and it’s over.

We haven’t been trying that long, probably around 9 months, but I do think that something is up. I experience extreme cramping before ovulation, during ovulation, and after ovulation. My only relief is my period, which only lasts 2 days (after a decade of hormonal IUD use)

I don’t have pain during sex or excruciating periods. But I do know that we have timed sex perfectly, use multiple forms of tracking, and have tried sex every single day from CD5. I just feel like something is up.

Please please I am not interested in the “it can take a perfectly normal couple 12 months to get pregnant”.

I just have a gut feeling that something is up and I’m wondering if anyone with an Endo diagnosis has had these symptoms… or if you have these symptoms and suspect Endo. I’m getting close to the year mark and I want to know how much to advocate for myself for an Endo exploration, I don’t want to wait an additional year.

And for people diagnosed with silent Endo, what did it take for doctors to take you serious?

*To preface, I will be discussing a Christian-based podcast about infertility.

My story: Myself (29F) and my husband (30M) have been TTC #1 for 21 months. We were originally told we were “unexplained”, did multiple medicated cycles, 2 failed IUIs, and eventually a laparoscopy that discovered stage 2 endometriosis.

Throughout this “journey”, infertility has truly become my identity. Unintentionally, of course, and one that I hate. It is truly all-consuming and absolutely exhausting. Unless you’ve lived it yourself, you just can’t understand.

I’m a big podcast girly, and I discovered ‘The Waiting Well’ podcast pretty early into TTC (as well as some others, but this one hit me with a message I needed today!). On my way to work, I decided to listen to the newest episode. I just want to share some quotes that really resonated…

-“Your identity was not meant to rise and fall with the outcome of a pregnancy test or your cycle this month.”
-“Infertility becomes the first thing you think about when you wake up. It becomes the hot topic with your friends, and they ask you are you trying? And all of a sudden, this starts to become the lens of which you see your life and your marriage and your friendships and your future, and then God. And eventually, everything gets filtered through that one question—am I pregnant yet?”
-“…and eventually, you are physically sitting at dinner with your husband while mentally living inside of your fertility app.”

That last one really hit because it’s absolutely true. Not just with my husband, but anything/anywhere. Physically I can be *anywhere*, but mentally I am living in my fertility app. Obsessing about temperatures, timing, supplements, diet, etc. It’s just not healthy, and I’m TIRED.

I guess the point of this was just to share in case anyone else needed to hear it today. I don’t know the answer to stop living this way, but I plan to work on it from here on out.

Trigger warning: miscarriage

Hello, looking for some advice here since I just cannot make up my mind.

My situation: 33, PCOS, hashimotos, TTC for 18 months. I found out I wasn’t ovulating naturally so started going to a fertility clinic last November. I had an HSG done, my husband tested, all normal. We did letrozole with timed intercourse in Feb, then 3 rounds of IUI in March, April, and May.

It was successful in May and I found out I was pregnant, but unfortunately miscarried at 9 weeks and found out the baby had Trisomy 16. Since my loss, my cycle has now returned and we’re gearing up for the path forward.

We’re now trying to figure out how to proceed and have 3 options: 1. Continue trying to IUI since we know it worked once. This is obviously the most cost effective, but also less likely to have success.

1. Do IVF with the 15 eggs I froze at age 30. Infuriatingly, this is the most expensive option because my insurance won’t cover the egg thaw and embryo creation, which they failed to tell me until I’d already paid thousands to transfer my eggs to my new clinic.

2. Do a full new IVF cycle with a retrieval, which my insurance will cover most of, minus the embryo testing and certain medications.

I’m completely torn because I know we’ll lose time doing a full IVF cycle, and it’s so frustrating to know I already have the eggs there but would basically have to fork over $15k to use them. I know I’m incredibly lucky to have any insurance coverage at all, but we are struggling to afford any of this and it eats away at me knowing we could get 0 embryos after all of that.

Trying to make this decision while I’m still grieving feels so heavy.

Half of me just wants to continue with the IUIs since it worked once, but I know the odds of it working are so much lower and I just want to be a mom so badly. Im also conscious that it’s less likely I’d have a miscarriage for a genetic abnormality like my last had with the testing available if we do IVF, so that’s appealing.

If you were me, which path would you choose?

I’ve been TTC for about a year and a half, married for twice as long. I just learned that my sister in law is pregnant… 12 weeks after their wedding. I literally think she got pregnant on their wedding night.

I’m excited for her and my brother, but cannot help but feel hopeless, sad, angry and so hurt.

First, I know logically that I shouldn’t compare myself to her. Yet, as the oldest (only girl), I felt like I needed to be the one to have the first grandchild, to set the tone. I also wanted to be the first one, as I’ve done everything in the family “first” before (graduations, marriages, etc - all life’s big events).

What’s more is that my SIL was “fertility maxxing” prior to the wedding. She is incredibly disciplined about what she puts in, on and around her body (think MAHA). I believe she has orthorexia, but that’s another story. I’ve struggled with body image/control issues my whole life (again, comparison), but have done a lot of work to try and heal my disordered thoughts.

And they are very Catholic, which I am not. I’ve been considering revisiting my faith, have been attending church more often, bargaining with God for a baby….

My husband and I both had testing done, everything comes back normal. Have been to a fertility specialist, had an SIS and everything looked perfect. Still nothing.

We were moving towards doing super ovulation and an IUI earlier this summer, but I wanted to pause to try and “forget” about it, hoping it would happen without me overthinking. I told myself and others I didn’t want to get crazy, controlling and overthink it (also started a new job, so timing was right for us to “take a break”).

I’ve really tried holding space for my body, knowing that no amount of control or restriction/supplements/etc. would make a significant difference, revisiting my faith in a healthy way; feeling like I needed to be the first. But this news has felt like I’ve backpedaled on all the progress I’ve made mentally regarding TTC. It has triggered all of my insecurities — and my reaction has been to restrict, control, blame myself and my body.

I feel both sad and angry. I want to celebrate this but I can’t. Now, I’m constantly questioning what i did and beating myself up even more than before.

I’m exhausted and so sad.

Are you trying to conceive baby number 2/3/n+1? Have questions about TTC while breastfeeding, or bedsharing, or just being plain exhausted? This is your place!

I’ve only just started temping two days ago and I’m ready to give up. I’m someone who likes data and numbers so I thought this is a nice way to distance myself from the emotions a bit and focus on the numbers. Boy was I wrong.

I keep stressing if I’m doing it right so that’s issue number one. Then to further exacerbate the issue, I decided to take my temperature during the day just to see the difference and noticed that my temperature during the day is lower by almost a whole degree e.g this morning when I woke up it was 98.06 then later in the morning it was 97.34 then on another reading it was 96.05. I’m someone with very cold extremities, and I always have been. But this is a huge difference. Has anyone else experienced this before? Given that it’s so different are we still meant to relay on first temp after waking?

I am 33 years old and have been on/off TTC for over a year. I've had numerous factors as to why it's not been consistent such as taking GLPs, gallbladder flare ups, bad mental health and holidays/life plans which means it's been on and off.

I've always been overweight during my adult life and have spent a lot of time having irregular periods. When I started TTC I made a conscious effort to exercise more, eat well, take supplements to regulate my period and track my ovulation. I'm now at a point where my periods are around every 30 days, I have a 7 day cycle and all my hormone bloods are good except my progesterone never comes back indicating I have ovulated.

Unfortunately due to my BMI, no one from the public health system will help me so my only option is private. I've been told countless times if I want to have a baby that I need to lose weight. However, there are people much bigger than me who have children so my issue cannot solely be down to a number on a scale. I am a healthy person aside from carrying more weight than what is deemed socially acceptable.

I've taken Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Myo Inositol, I've tried every diet going, I've tried GLPs. I've tracked my ovulation, BBT, cervical mucus - you name it, I've done it and still I'm not pregnant and the toll it's taking on my mental health is ridiculous. I've had to work with 3 colleagues who've all had babies within a month of each other and then comes the comments of "when are you having a baby?"... I'm trying! It's even crossed my mind to buy ovulation stimulating drugs online without a prescriber because I'm becoming desperate (I do have a pharmacy background so I have knowledge of how these work).

I've never once had a confirmed pregnancy test and I always deep down knew I wouldn't get pregnant but I can't imagine a life where I don't have a child. It's something I know is in my plan of my life but it feels so unattainable. I don't know what the answer is, I don't know whether to carry on as I am, using OPKs and having regular sex, I don't know whether to see a private specialist, or buy the drugs online without any medical input. 

Sorry for the rant but any help, advice or words of encouragement are welcome!

TTC can be a very difficult time, but all of us have someone (or many someones) or something that helps keep us sane. Share what you're grateful for this week!

Anything (within the rules) goes. (Commonly broken rules: don't talk about an ongoing pregnancy outside the weekly BFP thread; don't ask for success stories.)

You can find the wiki here!

Don't forget to check out our themed threads:

• Moody Monday
• Temping Tuesday
  
• Waiting Wednesday
• Wondering Wednesday
• Trying Again Thursday
• Thankful Thursday
• Health and Wellness Thursday
• Looking Forward Friday
• Wondering Weekend
• 35 and Ova

There's also the Weekly Introductions and Read Me Thread, which contains links to all sorts of handy bits of info, like popular wiki posts and acronyms.

We have been trying with no success for a year and have been referred for further fertility treatment at the end of this month. That being said I do enjoy alcohol on some weekends socially, I don’t drink big amounts but since getting the fertility appointment through I’m very paranoid they will be annoyed that I’ve had alcohol so I’ve cut it out now unless I have a big social event eg wedding or a party etc.
My partner has a good sperm count and hardly has any alcohol but I do enjoy it on weekends but happy to cut it out if I really have to but ttc for so long is exhausting it’s hard not to have a release. I seen that some people say they have it if they’re on their period until ovulation date, just curious to what everyone else thinks regarding this? FYI I do have PCOS and am on metformin, both go to the gym regularly and eat healthy 90% of the time.

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask those who use an Oura Ring, which finger do you wear it on?

I’m currently trying out the sizing kit for Oura 5, and I’m not a big fan of how it feels on my index finger. It’s most comfortable on my ring finger on my dominant hand. Does anyone use it this way, and if so, how are your stats and overall experience? I’m mainly looking to use it for TTC, especially BBT tracking, sleep, stress levels, and cycle things as it’s started to fluctuate. I could settle for being a bit uncomfortable if the data is noticeably more precise on the index finger of the non-dominant hand, as suggested in the guidelines.

Also wondering if you found the natural cycles add-on useful or could I just do it without use the app?

Thanks in advance x

ETA: the guidelines say to go with a snug fit, but how snug are we talking? My ring finger is quite skinny, so the smallest size fits fine, but when I make a fist there’s a gap. Not a huge one, maybe 1mm but maybe that’s something to avoid?

Need advice! For context, I had a very tiny polyp removed last year.

Recently, I did a FET - fully medicated protocol. I took pio, Estrodial and aspirin. I got a positive test and and positive beta however it was only 56. I had repeat beta on 14dpt and it was 69. So I had to stop all meds. They had to follow my hcg and I had to be monitored for ectopic. They advocated for a D&C. Well, shortly after stopping my meds, I started bleeding. I knew something was happening. When in for repeat hcg. Hcg going down but it wasn’t enough. They wanted to proceed with D&C but I knew something was happening. I did another hcg and it came down to 29. We didn’t end up doing the D&C thankfully. Everything resolved on its own.

So I had a follow up with the doctor - I was excited about the next transfer but they told me I need to do a hysteroscopy. I was taken back because I thought we were going to do another transfer. Guidelines say after recurrent miscarriages.

Im just so confused on why this was suggested already?

Hi all, I am very confused and looking to seek some answers.

My partner and I have just started trying for a baby. I took a Clearblue pregnancy test last Thursday (6 days ago) following a late period, which had a faint positive line. I took another digital test straight after, which also came back positive.

I spent the weekend very excited that I was in the early stages of pregnancy, and according to my Flo app, I would have been around 6 weeks from my last period.

On Monday, I noticed spotting, followed by further bleeding and cramps. I called emergency care and went in for an early pregnancy scan on Tuesday. They confirmed they couldn’t see the pregnancy and therefore classified it as a “pregnancy of unknown location”. They took blood tests to measure my hCG and progesterone levels to indicate whether it was ectopic, a miscarriage, or too small to detect yet.

I got a call back today to say that the tests came back negative, and therefore they expect the positive pregnancy tests were false due to them being taken around the time of my period. What I am experiencing now is apparently just a delayed period. If I was pregnant on Thursday and experienced a miscarriage, then I would still have some levels of hGC present.

I feel really gaslit and stupid, as my partner and I spent the weekend in a bubble thinking we were going to be new parents, then potentially having a miscarriage, only now to be told it was all false.

I’ve always understood that false positives are incredibly rare, which leads me to believe that this is more likely to have been a chemical pregnancy. It’s just very strange that there were no pregnancy indicators detected in my blood work.

Any guidance or shared experiences would be appreciated.

Hi everyone, I've been TTC for a year now. My husband and I are 28/27 but I had leukemia in my childhood and underwent chemo and a bone marrow transplant, leading to low AMH (0.59)

My husband knew this before we got married that it might be an issue. But now it's been over a year, and every cycle feels like a chore. We only get intimate when it's my ovulation days, he doesn't even touch me apart from that.

This time we tried ovulation induction but my TVS showed that I had no mature eggs this cycle and we arent even communicating, sleeping in different corners of our bed.

Our 2 year anniversary is coming up is this what my life is gonna be like? In a time where I need him to be there for me emotionally he's never been more distant. It does make me rethink it all too. Why am I fighting this fight alone? If I'm successful will it still be this lonely? Will I deal with the pregnancy and child all on my own?

I do feel like just giving up for now, I'm incredibly disheartened and feel rejected. Any way to fix this or communicate it in a way that would get through to how hard it is for me

I’ve been taking O+ ovarian support supplements (containing myo-inositol, d-chiro-inositol, and DIM) for a several years to help regulate my cycle with my PCOS.

My fertility specialist started me in 2.5 letrozole this week, but I didn’t realize it’s recommended to avoid DIM for 5-7 days before starting letrozole, and DIM is in the supplement… I am having a hard time finding substantial literature on this topic.

My last DIM exposure (100mg) was on 8/31. I started letrozole on 9/1 and have an ultrasound and bloodwork on 9/10 as part of a Progyny monitored cycle.

I don’t want to waste a monitored round if there’s a chance I messed up the letrozole efficacy by taking the supplement.

Does anyone have insights about the likelihood of impact?

Thank you in advance!

My partner and I both 34y/o have just been told we have unexplained infertility after about 18mo of trying. We are healthy, active individuals and have had a lot of testing and investigation with no cause being identified. Everything seems normal but there has to be something, right? We may go down the IVF route but so much to process at the moment.

I'm just annoyed at people saying "it'll happen"

I made the mistake of telling people we were trying and then I get all the stories of how they had a drunk night out and conceived or how they just stopped stressing and it happened for them or how it happened for them when they "stopped thinking about it".

How do you not get bitter during the process? Or how do you kindly tell someone to fuck off because they don't know shit!?

Several months ago my husband(36) and I (28) went for fertility testing after a year and a half of trying the first doctor i saw mixed my labs up with someone elses so i went for a second opinion with a better known practice who told us there is a 5 percent chance of naturally becoming pregnant as you can imagine i was emotional and heartbroken (ex. crying alot) but we are people who do what we have to do so we started ivf in april/may the shots gonal and monpur were not horrible but our families keep pushing maybe your pregnant due to some nasty side effects and every test breaks my heart....my husband has been there and im lucky hes amazing but my amh is the only reason i cant conceive naturally they said anyways to continue i had my egg retrieval done two weeks ago which had me out of work which in itself was very hard for me but different story i have been dizzy and nauseous since they called me a few days ago to tell me post pgt testing 2 out of 3 of my eggs are normal and now i need to decide do i implant them or start a whole new cycle im freaking out and im trying to be positive like everyone in my life is telling me too but my heart is breaking sorry i know this is long and maybe tmi but i needed to vent and ask am i overreacting

That question you've been wanting to ask, but just didn't want to feel silly. Now's your chance! No question is too big or too small.

I’ve been on Theralogix Ovasitol for about 7 weeks, two scoops per day, one in the morning and one in the evening.

I had a higher glucose reading (100) and borderline insulin resistance (7.2) when I had blood tests in May. Based on my other labs and ultrasound, PCOS was not suspected at this time. Other than the glucose and insulin, I have shorter cycles (24 days) and light period bleeds (light medium for 2 days), as well as pre period spotting (4-5 days before flow). This is why my doctor suggested this supplement.

I’ve read MANY things about how “awful” Ovasitol is for those without PCOS. Truthfully, I’m seeing both positives and negatives. Last cycle I had a heavier bleed, my progesterone was finally in a good place 7 DPO, and my spotting cut down to two days. My cycle was 25 days with ovulation day 14. But, I’m in my second full cycle on this supplement on day 15 with no positive OPK or suggested ovulation in sight based on BBT. No cervical mucus either. So yeah, freaking out with that and the experiences I’ve read on here.

I’m hesitant to stop because of my doctor prescribing it, and the fact that I did see some positives, but obviously don’t want to hurt my cycle further. I feel like there’s no right answer.

For those that are or were on the supplement, did you experience delayed ovulation? Did you eventually ovulate?

I read many experiences where people noticed delayed ovulation rand immediately stopped taking the supplement. I’d love to hear experiences of those that had delayed ovulation but stuck with the supplement anyway. Did it get better after a few cycles? Thanks for your input!

Are you in the dreaded two-week wait, or waiting to ovulate? What have you done to ease the stress?