Anyone else just get the incredible urge to start sobbing out of nowhere?? Like I’m out here trying to keep myself occupied with work and hobbies and socializing and then all of a sudden I get hit by the hardest urge to start sobbing. I’m so exhausted of life. damn.

My doctor just prescribed me aripiprazole. Very new to taking mood stabilizer as I’ve been on anti depressants for the past year, from escitalopram to sertraline and then Prozac. While it did quiet my brain, I don’t like how it feels foggy and blunt and I feel dumb. Scared of taking new meds because of the possible weight gain (i know it’s so shallow of me)

Asking anyone’s experience on Aripiprazole? Thank you!

I've tried sharing twice my diagnosis with close people. They asked me what BPD is. In my best way to describe what I feel is my emotions going to the extremes. Extreme anger, extreme happiness, extreme sadness...

I know it doesn't cover it all, but I do try to say it in a way they would understand.

And then I get hit with "it seems like we are all a bit of BPD" or "pff, everyone is that".

And it just... I know they are trying to be supportive.

But it's the same bullshit with depression and "oh, i get sad too"

JUST TO START I AM NOT ASKING FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE!
I am 28 and absolutely exhausted from how bad I get to the point I either wanna give up or never talk to another human again, neither are an option as I have a kid and I do want a relationship. I am now considering medication so I don’t self delete or ruin every relationship I have including the one with my kid. I wanna hear from others if any of you have found medication that works without making you an emotionless zombie and didn’t lose your personality and from those who choose to not be medicated and raw dog it. For those who raw dog it ima need an age cause preferably id like to stay away from medication but it’s honestly wearing me down so bad these days. AGAIN NOT PROFESSIONAL ADVICE JUST LOOKING FOR PERSONAL EXPERIENCES.

Is there any point to improving myself if I’m completely isolated? I don’t have any friends, I don’t even have a dog. I know I owe improvement to the people I’ve severely hurt in the past and so it doesn’t become a repeated behavior, but it all feels so pointless having nobody currently in my life to improve for. Am I just wasting my time and money on therapy?

Okay, maybe a bit of a weird one but hear me out please. I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this.

I got into a relationship with my girlfriend 6 months ago. She genuinely loves me. She has never given me any reason to doubt it. She will reassure me whenever I'm anxious and she's supportive of me in everything I do.

This is an unfamiliar feeling for me and now I can't really cope with it. My only previous relationship was extremely abusive and I've always had a terrible home life. I think a part of my problem is that I'm constantly on edge and expecting arguments or toxicity and when it doesn't come my body gets shocked or something, and then I start crying.

I have been diagnosed with bpd for 3 years now and I'm aware that symptoms will almost always crop up in a relationship but my current issue is that I feel gratitude and love to such an overwhelming extent. If I think about her and how positive our relationship has been so far, I genuinely just start sobbing. I have autism too so I'm not sure if that might tie into it. It's something I can't help and it feels a little embarrassing. I'm not sure if this is a normal part of healing or something that needs to be addressed?

It's not inherently negative, and I'm not putting her on a pedestal (though she is my fp and I'm sure that has something to do with it, I'm not constantly romanticising her in my head), so I don't know if my body is trying to process this and it's normal or not. I feel bad about it towards her incase I seem overwhelming or like I'm love bombing her or something.

Has anyone experienced something similar to this? Maybe it's a non-issue, but I honestly cannot tell because again, I've never experienced this before. Any similar stories or advice would be appreciated.

Thank you :)

I knew it would happen. I knew it would happen. I knew it would happen. I knew it would happen. I knew it would happen. Despite all of her reassurance, I knew it would happen. I know her. I know how she works. I could sniff his intentions from the moment she mentioned him the first time. I knew from the way she spoke about him. I knew from the way that everything she watched played and watched was something that he bought her or recommended. I knew because it is so similar to how her and I began and evolved. Why would it be different with someone else? This one is just happening so much faster... I can't talk to her anymore. I just can't. The logical part of me is trying to ease the pain by saying that she was not mine anymore anyway. That she is able to love anew and I should be happy for her... But every other part of me... I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. She left me because she was forced to. Not because she wanted to. She is still in the same shituation that forced her to leave me. So, why him? Why does HE get to? Why does HE get to stay when I could not? Why does HE get to have what I could not? I wanted it... My mind can't handle it. I have not been kind to myself after this. I have been making the bad choice to get too drunk too often because I would rather damage and slightly numb myself than sit alone with my feelings. I am even drunk as I type this. My heart wants to scream. My feelings flood and dominate my mind. The thoughts are loud, strong, intrusive. Five and a half years gone to a guy that has been around for a fucking month. Fuck you. Fuck him. Fuck all of it.

Context: my ex kept lying to me about who she was seeing/sleeping with and would constantly hide it.

Heck, July 24th she said "I dont ever wanna sleep with anyone but you" and the very next day she slept with someone else. Even though we weren't together at that time, I just found out today after we found out she was.. pregnant.

It feels like TV static in my head right now, im feeling too much and too little. I dont like feeling this way, and sometimes I feel like that I just ramble incoherently when trying to explain how I feel.

But, back to original, do yall feel like people lie more because you either lash out harder or whatever the case maybe? Or is it all in my head?

I have no friends. No one. I have no one I can talk to and trust. I have so much stuff bottled up, good & bad, that I can’t tell anybody because I have no one. I have a mum but whenever I try to talk to her, shes always saying, “I’ve been at work all day, I need to be alone,” before calling her friend. I’m so fucking sad, and really fucking lonely. I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. I’m on Bumble BFF looking for friends but no one replies and I’m worried that my profile hints at the fact that I’m desperate and that its unattractive to potential acquaintances. What do I do? Genuinely, I cannot live like this anymore. I’m sosososososo fucking depressed. I spend all my spare time sleeping because when I’m awake, all I do is check my phone for messages. Even when I’m off my phone & doing something else, I’m itching to see if anyones cared enough about me to actually interact with me. Please, any advice would be amazing.

I've been with my gf for roughly 2 months and I really like her. However lately she's been kind of in a funk and I know she has BPD. She says self isolation is usually what works for her and I can see how that may help but I also feel useless in it all. I want to be there for her to support her and make her feel safe. She says that I can probably never understand her entirely and that hurts because I won't understand her entirely but that doesn't make me want to stop showing up for her and trying to understand.

I guess I'm asking how to navigate this because I want to be there for her but I also don't want to smother her. She's a really good person and I don't want her to feel like she can't open up to me but I also understand what it's like to not want to share that or not being comfortable enough to share.

i hope someone can relate to this. I hate that there is a constant reminder that there is someone they like and care for more than me. it's a constant reminder that there is someone that will always be picked over me.

They've broken up and gotten back together a couple of times over the years, and anytime they break up I get a taste of being the favourite. Anytime they get back into a relationship, I feel like I have to prepare for some level of emotional abandonment.

it's so painful to see how my FP will treat someone they plan to keep in their life closely super long term compared to someone like me, whose just a best friend

Hello, first time poster here.

To make a short introduction, I'm a woman with diagnosed BPD (borderline personality disorder) and I want to share some bits and pieces of my life, kind of like a diary. I won't be naming anyone by name, will be intentionally vague and won't mention any risky behaviour by name per the DBT rules.

To start, as of today I'm 22 years old and I was diagnosed with BPD around my 18-19 year of life.

There have been some things in my life that might have influenced my diagnosis, even though I don't blame anyone for it as it is just the way I am, the person I am. I know I'm not my diagnosis, but it's still a big part of me.

Today was one of the bigger moments of my life as we have just mutually broken up with my now ex boyfriend. There wasn't any cheating, any abuse from any of the parties, just... uncertainty. Uncertainty from the side of my partner. This was after 9 months of us dating. It might not seem like much to a lot of people, but for me it was probably the best 9 months of any relationship I ever had.

I have told my ex-partner about my diagnosis before we even started dating, how it is in my daily life, the symptoms, all that jazz, so he knew that I was in therapy, will continue therapy and was on daily medication that I take religiously as it helps me. I never lied to him about who I am or what kind of issues I'm struggling with. He understood them, tried to learn about them on his own, asked me about them, promised to be here for me in my darkest moments... and he was. Until today.

We had some issues before regarding my self-worth, how I don't have a stable self-portrait and often doubt people around me and myself as well. But today was different. I felt that he has been uncertain about us for a bit of time, probably a month. So, before we were supposed to go dancing as we used to before, he wanted to talk.

Because I knew what this talk is going to be about, I started burning briges. I deleted our photos together, deleted the nicknames we had for each other in our chats, started deleting everything. I knew what was coming - the breakup talk. And to be honest, I didn't blame him for it. When he came over, I was already acting cold towards him, didn't want to hug him and couldn't even look him in the eye. I just couldn't. I felt almost emotionless, just empty inside, but also very hurt, broken and maybe a bit betrayed. The betrayal was felt because he said he would be here for me and yet here he was, leaving me without much will to try and mend our problems.

I cried, I cried a lot, he did shed a tear or two as well. I have already prepared all his things he had at my place for him, including all the jewellery (one necklace and a pair of earrings) that he gave me. I knew that this was the end of us.

To cut the long story short, he was just uncertain. He was trying to find a logical reason behind our problems, but our problems were just emotional. No logic was behind them. He still loved me, I loved him, I was determined to solve our problems, had the solutions, but he just didn't know to proceed. After maybe an hour of me trying to get an answer from him about what was actually the problem, I told him that this was the time to probably leave. I made him take his things including the gifts, telling him to either keep them or to throw them away. At that he did cry a bit, I know that it hurt him, but I just couldn't keep them. They would remind me too much of the person I lost, the relationship I lost, the companion and the feelings I still have.

This is the first chapter. I might write some more, I might not. I'm not seeking solutions or consolation. I just want to let my thoughts out of my head so I feel a bit clearer.

I hit a point a couple of months ago where it became obvious to me that I needed to take steps to heal and build a more stable base for myself. I started therapy, started doing my hobbies a lot more, eating better, have been reaching out to/seeing friends more often & put the idea of romantic love on pause as this has been a serious trigger for me. I have almost entirely stopped using hard drugs which had been a coping mechanism earlier this year.

For a week or two I felt a little better but now I feel so much worse. I feel like I’m trying so hard and to be met with feeling worse is making me feel extremely hopeless/suicidal.

I was under the illusion that my friends didn’t affect me in negative ways but I’ve since realised that’s because I unconsciously kept them at arms length so them not responding/seeing me wouldn’t get to me. Since I’ve been putting myself out there more I’ve been finding it really hard to navigate. I know they are good people and simply have a life outside of myself, but it’s hard to not let anxious thoughts & fear of abandonment fester now.

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m not really sure where to go from here.

Up until today I was so proud of myself, and I was beginning to think that I could trust myself and that I was actually getting better. There had been a few instances where I could've acted differently, but I used my coping skills and handled it better. Both me and my boyfriend were very happy with how things were going, and I could tell that he was trusting me a lot more and just happier with our relationship in general. I was stupid to think it would never happen again and that I was better.

Today was supposed to be day 23 of not breaking down, yelling, cussing, being impulsive, not hurting myself. Things changed so quickly, I hadn't even been awake more than an hour. Up to this point, I felt that I had more time to stop myself before I got upset, but today I had no time and just got so upset over nothing. I would go into the details but it would be too much to type, but trust it was completely crazy for me to have gotten so upset. He was at work and I was supposed to be getting ready for work, but I couldn't stop crying. It hurt so bad, my heart felt like it was being ripped open. I hurt myself again, by banging my head against my closet until it really hurt (still hurts 12 hours later).

I just want to know why it happened. Why did I get so upset over something that I have never been bothered by before. Why did I do this to myself, to my relationship? I was over an hour late to work because I couldn't pull myself together and I was so embarrassed. The whole rest of my day was horrible. I was holding back tears the entire day. I feel like I am back to square one. I genuinely can't believe myself, and I am so disappointed and just sad. I feel like I will never get better, like this won't ever stop. I just wanted to have one good month. At least once a month something like this happens and I just wanted to finally break the cycle.

Im really lonely and I just could use some support. I am trying to give bf space now and I'm scared. I know he won't leave but I know he is upset with me and it is so scary. I feel like I ruined everything.

People repeatedly show me how much I do not want to even be around them I try to be positive and a nice person to be around but what’s the point of improving and medicating myself when no one else wants to actually do any work atall? I have deleted every single person I know and I wouldn’t blink an eye if I never spoke to anyone ever again.

I have bipolar AND bpd, and I certainly don’t speak for all bpd havers, but one of the things I struggle with the most is when something that truly shouldn’t matter much (and I can recognize this) causes an extremely disproportionate emotional response that seems to “stick” for much longer than necessary. It causes me even more emotional distress when I KNOW it’s unnecessary for me to feel a certain way, but that on its own doesn’t make it any less easy. In my case, it’s less often that I lash out or explode at other people compared to turning the anger and frustration inward on myself. This causes a lot of dis regulation leading to powerful urges to harm myself fairly frequently. And that happens BECAUSE I get so so mad at myself for feeling how im feeling when somebody else likely wouldn’t think twice about whatever triggering event has happened. I understand this isn’t true for everyone with bpd. Many people with bpd do struggle much more to regulate themselves when it comes to attempts to communicate in interpersonal relationships. And that’s what I’ve found is the most misunderstood thing about bpd. Again, not speaking for everyone, but oftentimes when someone thinks about the angry lash-outs related to bpd, it comes across as selfish, or egotistical, or as if the person suffering from bpd is lacking compassion. But in the times that I have “lashed out” at another individual, the very real communication attempt gets lost in translation. It’s like my brain is going one route and what comes out of my mouth is completely twisted. And I get angry feeling like I have to re explain what I’m trying to get across, and defend the reason I’m feeling a certain way, when I KNOW it’s irrational. I would love to be able to “walk away” and come back to it when I’ve calmed down to avoid responding purely emotionally. But that incredibly strong emotional response doesn’t die down UNTIL I’ve talked it out, which often times means unintentionally blaming or making the other person the “bad guy” only because that’s what I FEEL in the moment. Not necessary because that’s truly what I believe.

With all this said, I have personally gotten a lot better at the very least recognizing when something is triggering and saying out loud that I’m feeling things really big. This has helped my husband to differentiate between my rational and emotionally driven irrational moments. Which has benefited our relationship astronomically.

Hi everyone. I’m not diagnosed with BPD, but I’ve been researching it because I relate to a lot of the symptoms and I’m trying to understand myself better. I always thought what I was experiencing was just anxiety. My anxiety has become pretty severe and has caused me physical symptoms like tremors and hypertension.

I struggle with very intense attachment in relationships. When I’m afraid someone is pulling away, I can become extremely anxious and feel like I need to fix things immediately. I sometimes repeatedly call/message during conflicts because I can’t calm down until things are resolved.

I also struggle with self-harm when my emotions become overwhelming. For me, it has usually been more about releasing emotional pain than wanting to die. I had suicide attempts when I was younger as well, although I don’t currently want to die or have suicidal intent.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I may be pushing people away or losing people without even noticing it at the time, and that really scares me. I want to understand what I’m doing wrong and learn how to manage it.

For those of you with BPD, do these experiences sound familiar? What does self harm and intense attachment feel like for you, and did treatment help you manage these patterns?

Hi everyone, good afternoon!
I’m a 24-year-old man and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I found out after a breakup in 2024, and I haven’t been in a relationship since then because I wanted to avoid hurting someone else or myself emotionally.
However, I’ve been dealing with depression for about three months. I quit my previous job and quickly found another one, but now I feel like I don’t want to stay here either.
I don’t think constantly changing jobs would be good for my career, especially because I know the problem isn’t necessarily the job itself — it’s something I’m struggling with personally.
So, my question is: are people with BPD able to stay in the same job for a long time? Has anyone here with BPD managed to build a stable career and stay with the same company for several years?

I’m just wondering if this is a big theme for others here too. I’m always skeptical about my BPD diagnosis as I’m not someone who gives the vibe externally. Despite the excessive emotions and pains that I live internally, it doesn’t always come out; actually sometimes it comes out only with certain people and sometimes for trivial things for example my friend telling me to be careful not to mess the couch might trigger me (I would be weirdly angry because of such a comment and my affect would show it)..

Anyways a HUGE theme of mine is not fitting in, like since school I always felt like I’m not 100% into the people I’m with, like I’m always not sure who and what I like. So I almost always didn’t have a specific group of friends ( everyone else in school/ uni class did!!). So the question of “who are your friends” was like death threat to me always.

Is this a Bpd thing? I think it leads me to feeling down and then even thinking about SH sometimes. It’s also a present feeling for maybe 70-90 % of my life and my days.

Hi! I’ve noticed something about myself and I’m curious if anyone else has this experience too.

So today, my partner (FP) and I went to a concert 4 hours away from home to see a concert I’ve been looking forward to for months. We rode there with a group of friends. Due to things outside our control, we ended up being two hours late, missing both openers which I was VERY excited to see, moreso than the headliner.

The weird thing is, I know if it was just me and my partner, I would’ve been having a meltdown, completely splitting and thinking “why did we even do this, everything is ruined, we should just go home, etc”. I’ve melted down over way less lol. I also had a really exhausting, difficult “why can’t anything be easy” kind of week, lol, so a split would be predictable.

But I genuinely felt calm and level-headed, a bit disappointed but overall just looking at the glass half full and grateful to be able to go at all and still catch the headliner.

Im happy that that was the case but also sad to think that my partner gets the short end of the stick so often, I want to embody my actual optimistic outlook more for myself and for them.

i am a 16 year old girl, and i am currently not diagnosed, so i do hope this is not intruding into your safe space. i never thought i would post here but i have found alot of comfort within some of the posts on here regarding the way i feel & my outlook on life. since i can remember, my life has been rather turbulent and its led me to developing in a way that makes me rather ashamed of my actions often. without over-venting or dumping, it feels really difficult to live my life sometimes - i struggle alot with black and white thinking, which i wish was something i could change but its always either disatrous/perfect. i particularly have difficulties with abandonment issues & lashing out/pushing others away because of this. i am not attempting to label myself with anything, but i have alot of 'symptoms', and i promise i would never go chasing a diagnosis as its a daily routine for me to wish that there was a day where my head & my heart werent at war with themself. can i ask you, how do you cope with the aforementioned things? i dont want to continue this rationalisation war every time a friend does something that is "wrong" or "off" in my eyes, i dont want to beg those who have left me to stay, and i certainly dont want those close to me to walk on eggshells when they are around me. as i mentioned previously this is only the tip of the iceberg of my struggles, but i feel bad coming here in the first place without knowing why this has developed over the last two years, i jus know my trauma has alot to do with it. i saw my gp sometime a year ago after experiencing a poignantly bad period of my life that involved impulsivity, and they blamed it on my phone & my period, but this isnt just a temporary thing, its constant. it gets better & then gets worse but im sure that hormones cannot make me feel as hollow or overwhelmed as i do. again, truly, im sorry for disturbing the safe haven you have here, i just really need some advice, and anonymity.

I've been really struggling with this lately and have no idea how to deal with it. I kind of miss being so hypervigilant about everything because I would piss people off less, would get into fewer accidental arguments, etc. I'm lost socially.

everyone tells me im still young and theres time to find love but no matter what i do or who i meet i always feel like i'll never be able to have even a normal friendship or love like other people or fully and genuinely be loved like a normal person (i'm sure some of you know this well) and i was wondering if this is just me and all the bad stories i've heard or if there is anyone out there with good happy stories who feel the warmth and love of another person every night and if theres hope for someone who has never felt normal on or off meds, i am very lonely and i don't wanna sleep alone until i die, unfortunately i am extremely touch starved. i would appreciate any advice on this subject or relationships in general as well
preciate it

i got into my first relationship recently, before that i used to always reject relationships before i got into ones or i just loved people who didnt love me back and i never confessed to them. Now, im actually dating somebody im into and i cant understand my feelings, one day i can cry about how im scared they will leave me once they realize im worthless, and get jealous of anybody else they dated before, and the other day i feel like we need to break up bc were not a match and feel like i need to escape. Just being with them is a huge trigger because i have so many fears related to them and EVERYTHING they do is suddenly a problem.

Anyone else feels like this?