"Scream, nobody can hear you!"

[u/Ok_Concentrate_9713]

[u/johnsolomon]

Sticking your middle finger up at your parents isn't cute

The apocalypse would have begun if I'd disrespected my parents like that. It would have had to be a seriously funny joke for me to avoid getting Thanos snapped

[u/Icchi-bum → u/johnsolomon]

since youre an aspjring author, i recommend you read The Body Never Lies by Alice Miller :)

[u/johnsolomon → u/Icchi-bum]

I was exaggerating for humour and I think my tone came off wrong -- my parents weren't abusive. We were just raised with really strong ideas around respect, dignity and how you speak to other people. For example, I'd get told off even for calling one of my siblings an idiot or speaking to them disrespectfully

Things like sticking your middle finger up at your parents would be considered extremely rude in my family. Seeing how casually some people speak to or behave towards their parents definitely throws me off. I don't think you need to worship the ground your parents walk on, and questioning authority is healthy, but I've noticed how in recent years, expectations of how you behave towards/around your parents or authority figures seems to have loosened here, and I think that's creating more problems than people think

When you grow up with very little concept of deference or obligation or respect for authority, that attitude doesn't stay at home. I think you can see it in the way people behave toward teachers and public spaces. People wish everyone around them had the cultural consideration of a place like Japan, but they reject the sort of upbringing that engrains that sort of respect. The kid sticking up his middle finger as a reaction to a prank is in my view a symptom of that

Obviously respect has to go both ways (parents and authority figures shouldn't be beyond criticism just because of their position) but if I had to put my finger on it, I guess my point is... I don't think behaviour like that is benign just because it's done as a joke. The middle finger is a deliberately rude gesture and that's what gives the joke its meaning in the first place. So I find it uncomfortable when adults normalise it or treat it as something completely harmless, because it starts to blur the idea that there are some ways of speaking to or treating other people that still have strong disrespectful undertones, even if the context is playful. It's the same reason I've always disliked it when parents encourage their kids to use the c word as a joke, or to call them things like "idiot" or "dumbass" without reacting to it and shutting it down

Hopefully that gives a bit more nuance to what I posted.

I appreciate the book recommendation though, I'll check it out!

[u/Icchi-bum → u/johnsolomon]

if that was my intention i would've recommend The body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk, but the body never lies touches more on dynamics between parents and their children not necessarily abuse, both are great books tho, enjoy :)

[u/johnsolomon → u/Icchi-bum]

Thanks, will do :)