Dear theoretical physicists,
I am looking for some guidance in these hard times for academia. 2 years ago, I defended a PhD in theoretical condensed matter (on some numerical approximation scheme on the strongly correlated Hubbard model). My advisor has been very toxic, and even told me she would not support me if I find a postdoc position. She spent my phd telling me I'm not good enough for that, or that I should rather do some vulgarisation because "I explain things well"..
Anyway, after this terrible experience, and given the state of academia, I left. I didn't wanted to go for a postdoc and live my country, friends and family for a life a constant publication pressure in order to have a chance to apply to a contest to a low paid job (for reference, I live in France and want to stay there).
I got the chance to find a job in applied physics, on HPC simulation. I now have great colleagues and it is decently paid. But I have so many different things on my mind. First, I'm working on finite elements/volume codes in mechanics, not at all anymore in what i always loved : statistical physics. Second, I'm not really developing anything in these codes, I'm in a company that does some technical supports, formations and projects on these codes. So I either explain someone who does not care about physics that he needs to use this keyword to get his simulation done, do some PowerPoint to explain how to use the code, and very rarely I have some project when I can develop new basic physics (like a PDE in finite element formulation) in the code and do a merge request.
I never really wanted to quit, but, between the situation of academia and my advisor, I had to. My colleagues are nice, but I feel terribly lonely, they dont understand anything I can say on quantum physics, and they don't really care. I lost contact with many old friends in condensed matter, the other gave up on physics. Out of sheer will, I decided to open a website, on which I'm writing up some notes, tackling many physics through the lens of differential geometry. Of course, I'm looking for collaboration on this project, that was the point of it (if you are interested message me for details). But not someone from academia, as I can barely give in 6h a week.
Still, this does not solve the intellectual loneliness, and the feeling of losing my time to some boring job when all Id like to do is ask questions on scale transition from quantum to macro. I want to do math, to think with people on how on earth we can be made of tiny atoms, how these assembles to give... everything I see around.
Anyway, it is a long post to ask: are some of you in a similar situation? How do you deal with the frustration? Do you have any ideas of positions outside of academia (or even within if it still exists in france, as long as it's a permanent position because I'm also starting a family)?
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I am genuinely suffering from this situation, I need to talk to a community that can understand the eternal dilemma of the job market in academia and living as a physicist outside of it.
Ps- I know about quantum computing, but I am quite scared of applying because I dont really believe it will ever lead to something profitable and I think at some point not so distant in the futurethese jobs risk to reach a sudden end.