r/lithuania • u/whitesugar1 • 2h ago
Diskusija Is talking politely at home not in Lithuanian culture?
My girlfriend and I (33/35) have been together for 4.5 years and we have a child together. She is Lithuanian and I'm Norwegian. We live in Norway and speak Norwegian and English at home. Today we had an argument that we've had several times before and I'm wondering if this is a Lithuanian language culture thing or if she's just being rude?
Long story short: She refuses to speak to me politely at home, as in she never ASKS me to do something or bring her something, she commands me like a military officer.
For example today we were both standing next to each other at home and she wanted scissors from across the house, to cut something, and said "Give me scissors!" instead of "Can you bring me the scissors?".
I asked why can't you speak to me politely instead of giving me commands? Is it so much to ask? In Norwegian and English language culture you always ASK for something, not command, even at home to your family members. I explained that even at home growing up I would always ask even my brother "can you pass me the water?" and not "give me the water".
She says she can't say "can you, can you, can you" every time at home because she's at home and not at a restaurant, and that her Lithuanian friends don't do either.
Several family and friends have commented to me about the way she talks to me. I always 'ask' her to do something, never 'command' her. She refuses to do the same. Is this normal Lithuanian language culture or is this just her?

