When my abusive alcoholic wife (36f) starts drinking and gets aggressive (verbally or physically) I (36m) have to remove myself from our apartment to deescalate the situation (the only solution I’ve found that works after years of this behavior)
I usually just sit in my car for hours until she’s passed out.
It happened again today lol, I am once again sitting in my car for what I’m sure will be hours 😝
really wanted to post this exact text onto my IG stories because I feel so alone in these moments, but it would ultimately only be embarrassing lol and I don’t want to have to answer a bunch of concerned messages. Here’s to anon accounts on Reddit.
C’est la vie.

There was an article in the Telegraph today that sheds a light on how the kids suffer from the antics of alcoholic parents. It's a tough read but I hope that parents in this forum see this and find ways to leave...instead of cope.

Here is the link:

Sorry, being a drunkard as a father is a moral failing

I just needed to put it out into the universe to other people who would get it. Apologies if there’s a separate place this should go, my therapist recommended Al-Anon even for other substances.

I started going to Al-Anon in January after I found out about his use and addiction, as well as his infidelity. He’s in outpatient rehab and on reporting probation.

Things have been so-so since January but I decided to work on the relationship with him and allowed him to move back in with me at the beginning of July. Last night he left our apartment at 2:00AM, I woke up at 2:45AM to him being gone. He claimed he was going for a drive to clear his head. I didn’t trust it obviously and it devolved into a huge fight. He stayed up and out all night, I dozed and kept waking up to see if he was safe, and he came at 7:30AM to get some clothes for work. We barely talked all day. I asked him if he relapsed he said no, he said I treat him like he’s still on drugs.

He decided to stay at his mom’s house for the weekend (house full of addicts). I went late this evening to drop off some cash I owed him and to drop off some clothes. While looking for a spot to hide the cash, I found a metal wire twisted up and knew immediately what it was for. And we were just in his truck on Tuesday and it wasn’t there so it was recently added. I sent him a photo and told him I wasn’t mad but I wished he would’ve talked to me. I drove straight to Walgreens, bought two surface testing kits, used both, both are positive for cocaine (crack). I sent him photos of both positive tests and recorded video of myself so he couldn’t find any loopholes and say I found the pics online, etc. (cried watching those videos back, the face of realization is so heartbreaking).

I’m devastated. It’s over. If he’s willing to risk even his freedom he won’t change. I’m so heartbroken but I have to walk away.

Thanks for letting me spill my guts Al-Anon. Time to start going back to meetings.

Loving an addict is so exhausting. The constant lies, hope that things will get better, the ups and downs. I’m so tired. I want to leave, but I fear that life would only be so much harder. Especially with children and worrying about them having to spend time with him without me there to ensure their safety.

Tonight I’ve made the decision to end my marriage. I’m not financially in a position to simply walk out the door tonight and I’ll realistically need 3–6 months to get myself financially prepared to leave.

We had an argument tonight, and I told him that this is it. However, I’ve said that before, so I’m fairly certain he thinks I’m bluffing. I have a feeling that tomorrow he’ll either be angry with me for a while and then get over it, or he’ll act like nothing happened and carry on as though everything is normal.

But I’m done. I know that.

What I’m really struggling with right now is figuring out how to handle the next 3–6 months. Do I play along with the charade and act like everything is normal until I’m financially ready to leave, knowing there’s a risk that I’ll fall back into the same cycle and give him another chance like I’ve done so many times over the years? Or do I make it clear that we are done and accept that we may have to live together in complete awkwardness and tension until I’m able to leave? I’m sure he’ll spiral out of control with his alcoholism in the meantime and perhaps even out of spite and I dread having to witness that firsthand.

I don’t have family I can stay with. Most of my friends have young kids or babies, so staying with them isn’t really an option. I also need to take my dog with me because I don’t trust him to care for her on his own. He is not violent, just in a pattern of drinking himself unconscious every single day.

There are no kids involved.

I’ve even briefly looked into dog friendly women’s shelters, although obviously being able to remain in my own home while I get financially prepared would be significantly better. I haven’t met with a lawyer yet, but that’s my next step. For anyone who has been through something similar, what would you recommend I do in the meantime? Another thing worth noting and something that will make my situation significantly easier is we have entirely separate bank accounts. Married 7 years and never merged finances. We share a mortgage that we both pay into. We split bills down the middle.

I am unpacking my long-held pattern of codependent caretaking, engrained from origin family trauma of addiction and hyper-control. My last romantic relationship was a loving long-term success turned nightmare.

Q was a recovered alcoholic with 10 years sobriety. I once admired this person for his emotional intelligence, thoughtfulness, and strength of character. He loved me tenderly, fiercely and fully. We started to build a life together and moved across the country to cohabitate.

3 years later I hit bottom of the “unmanageable”. While this man maintained his sobriety from alcohol, he had become chronically dependent on weed and started abusing Rx meds. I discovered his year-long string of affairs / hookups. When confronted with this betrayal, his response was “it wasn’t that many times”. I was done.

He went sailing out of country for a season and I disinvited him from my home. I blocked him for a month and started to focus on my own emotional recovery with Al Anon.

Then I started talking again with Q, both of us sharing from the perspectives of active recovery. There’s accountability. There are signs of love and friendship where I previously only held resentment and pain. I’m letting go of wounds I didn’t know I could let go. But I’m afraid.

I don’t know how to let this person in my life any more than the long-distance friendship we’re salvaging. But he will always want more - to live together again. Enmeshing to me feels like entrapment.

How can I maintain a healthy relationship of healing with a recovering addict? Am I a fool and should be moving on? Am I lacking boundaries by maintaining communication with someone who’s hurt me so deeply? Or worse - perhaps I’m even cruel if I can’t reciprocate the hopes/dreams of this beautiful fallen soul?

thank you for reading my experience, though I struggle with strength / hope. I love you all in a special way ❤️‍🩹

My younger brother (28) is a homeless fent and alcohol addict. He has been given all the support in the world but has plainly stated he is an adult and doesn’t want to be sober at this time.

What I am struggling with (other than the obvious) is that I have such a beautiful life.
I have a loving partner, a good job, I buy my food from local farmers etc. I have been very purposeful in building a life which reflects beauty and the things I value. I do art and read. I take Spanish classes for fun.

I don’t understand how 40 minutes away my brother is homeless and doing fentanyl. It makes me feel like I am in a twilight zone episode.

Like how can these two things be going on at the same time?

Just wondering if anyone else ever has this feeling.

I thought I had found my person. I really thought he was the love of my life. But I'm approaching 3 years of sobriety in a few months... and I just can't accept the fact that I'm dating someone who drinks in secret, goes to bars secretly, will even tell me he is going to bed and he leaves the house and gets wasted.

I love him so very deeply -- more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, but I can't deal with the continuous betrayals when I find out he not only drank -- but that he kept it from me and told me bold faced lies to keep it secret.

I know I can't be with someone who drinks. But I love him so much. This might possibly be the hardest decision I've had to make.

Any advice? Any words of wisdom? How do you pull the trigger and end things with someone you really care about?

My husband turned 26 last week and I turn 26 this week. I know we’re fairly young, but I love him deeply, and I genuinely believe he loves me. I want a family and a future with him, but at minimum I need a partner I can trust and I’m scared of spending my 20s repeating the same cycle.

Alcohol has been an ongoing problem in our relationship. He’s even quit/lost jobs due to his erratic behavior while “closet drinking”, making our finances extra difficult at some points. He hasn’t worked since the end of July when he no-call, no show-ed at a new job, now he’s starting another great job next week. When he drinks, he can become a completely different person; mean, impulsive, dishonest, and in the past he has messaged other women. The most recent incident with another woman was about 6–7 weeks ago. What I saw felt less like random drunk messages (normally not going past a greeting or short, “friendly” conversation) and more like courting/cheating, and it severely damaged my trust.

He had another relapse yesterday. We were out with our goddaughter when I saw him secretly drinking something in a gas station. When I confronted him, he repeatedly denied drinking alcohol until I told him I had literally watched him through the window. He claimed it was just Clamato (similar looking small can).

His behavior progressively changed and he became mean and argumentative. Later, he admitted he had been drinking. He continued drinking, tried to hide more drinking from me, and at one point texted me, “You think I’m drinking? Let me show you me drinking. You’re gonna see what drinking is.” He also decided to walk home, stole a random person’s bike along the way, and was extremely impaired by the time I eventually got him home.

During the argument he brought up old relationship problems, told me our relationship isn’t exciting anymore and feels “mom and pop,” and blamed some of our current dynamic on me. The frustrating part is that I am more anxious, suspicious and hypervigilant now, but largely because I’ve repeatedly been given reasons not to trust him.

Once we got home, he stopped being mean. I showered him, got him into bed and he fell asleep because, despite how angry I am, I love him and wanted him safe.

We are getting professional help. He recently started individual therapy and has only had two sessions so far. We also recently started couples therapy and had our third session Monday; we go biweekly. I wrote down a detailed account of this relapse to bring to our therapist because I want her to understand what these episodes actually look like at home, and I’m working on specific goals for what I need from therapy and this marriage.

We’ve also made other lifestyle changes. He had smoked weed regularly since around age 14. After our therapist raised concerns about marijuana being part of the larger problem, we stopped regular use and switched to tea/herbal cigarettes to help with the smoking/oral habit. Over the past 6–7 weeks, we’ve only smoked marijuana on our anniversary and his birthday weekend.

One thing I struggle with is what recovery realistically needs to look like long-term. I understand that complete sobriety may ultimately be necessary. Part of me hopes that after significant therapy, healing and sustained stability, he might someday be capable of genuinely rare/moderate social drinking. I’ve heard very different opinions and experiences about whether that’s possible. We’re both 26 and I want us to eventually be able to travel, go out, celebrate and enjoy being young but I will take a sober husband over continuing this cycle. I’m not willing to sacrifice stability just so alcohol can remain part of our lives.
What I’m struggling with most is knowing where supporting someone through recovery ends and sacrificing myself begins.

For those who have been the partner of someone with alcohol/substance issues, especially if you stayed:

What made you decide it was worth staying? What did REAL recovery and accountability from your partner look like? How long did it take before you trusted them again? Did anyone’s partner eventually develop a healthy relationship with occasional alcohol, or did sobriety have to be permanent? And looking back, what do you wish you had known or done sooner?

I’m not expecting him to become perfect overnight, especially when therapy has barely started. I understand relapse can happen. But I also don’t want “recovery takes time” to become an excuse that keeps me in an unhealthy marriage for years.
I love him tremendously. I want this to work. I just also want children someday, stability, honesty, and a home where I don’t have to wonder whether my husband is secretly drinking or whether drinking will lead to another betrayal.

How do you know when someone is genuinely recovering versus when you’re just getting better at surviving their addiction?

when i (22F) met my ex (23M) he was an alcoholic already, yes, but as we dated he just got worse and worse. he would show me pictures and videos of himself from just a year prior to us meeting and he looked so healthy. he had so many friends and he would do so much with his family and he used to skate and surf all the time.

but as we dated his addiction just got worse and worse and now he spends every minute he can in a bar or drinking at a friends place. he told me he’d drink before work or at work just so he’d stop shaking. i didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until i left and was able to look back on everything with a fresh pair of eyes.

now im just so sad for him. he had such a beautiful life before his addiction took over. he even had a girlfriend that met his whole family and even lived with him!! but i wasnt allowed to meet his sister until nine months into the relationship. i never met anyone else close to him except his coworkers. it makes me sad that he cant even uphold a relationship the way he used to. idk maybe im taking too much on for him esp since we haven’t spoken in just under a month.

My (F32) brother (M29) started drinking again recently after a 7 year sobriety period. He and I have always been close, and I have helped him in many ways throughout his life, because our mom doesn't have the capacity to do so. My therapist believes I went through parentification at a young age because of his lack of parental support found elsewhere.

He suffers from OCD, PTSD, bipolar disorder, MDD, and GAD. He takes 3 medications to treat these, all of which should never be combined with alcohol. I worry he will suffer from a black out, drive his car, and hurt himself or someone else. I have expressed these concerns to him many times.

He doesn't want to stop drinking, so I've made the incredibly difficult decision to block him and go no contact. Does this make me a horrible person/sister? I feel like I have truly hit my limit and I don't know how to help him, nor do I feel like he really cares to help himself. I know it will make him sad to not talk to me, we usually talk every day. But I honestly can't handle it anymore. I have a 4 month old baby to take care of and my own set of problems on my plate, and the stress he causes me makes it more difficult for me to focus on my daughter and my relationship with my husband and my job. What would you do in my situation?

A year ago my dad died. His cause of death was alcohol use disorder. He was a violent and abusive man. We had an estranged relationship we talked sparingly throughout the years after he left me in middle school. It’s hard to grief someone who for all intents and purposes does not deserve my tears. It’s hard to know how to feel. It’s heavy. I feel angry and don’t want to be. I feel sad then feel stupid for feeling sad. Despite my childhood living in fear I have made a life I love and am proud of. Why does it feel like he is winning? Why does it feel like he is haunting me?

Hi everyone. I am 2 years sober and finally at a point where I feel I can look at the drinking of my partner more honestly. Today while cleaning, I found 76 empty tall cans in his closet. I took the time to count them out and realized they were all 7%, bringing to light that the ones he throws away visibly (the ones that I see in our shared garbage) are 5%. When I was a drinker, we would drink the 5% ones together, so obviously his tolerance is up. He drinks about 6 tall cans every night after work while gaming.

About a month ago I gently spoke to him about how lonely I feel in our relationship when he just drinks at his computer every evening. He got quiet as I spoke to him, not saying much. I told him I couldn't carry on in a lonely relationship for the rest of my life and he agreed to see a couples therapist with me- scheduled in 2 weeks.

We have been together for 12 years, since we were teenagers. We are both 30. We have built a lovely and peaceful life for ourselves after surviving homes with alcoholism and abuse growing up. I know this makes us both susceptible to our own substance use problems. We both work full time, have degrees, and otherwise have a normal life- I say this to paint a picture, not to justify his drinking. I think the peace of our life has made it easy to gaslight myself about his drinking, but when I am being honest with myself, I am worried about his health and I do feel lonely in our relationship.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do next. I'm feeling scared and sad. My partner has been supportive of my sobriety but also been a witness to many long nights of me crying over the substance use of my family. I am the only person he has and I am afraid that confronting him will push him further into himself and feel even more alone.

We have our therapy appointment in 2 weeks- at what point do I bring up the drinking? After our first appointment we have two solo sessions for the therapist to get to know us. My partner is terrified- he is very quiet and withdrawn by nature. If you could give me any advice for first steps I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

This year i (F24) found out that my dad (54) has been an alcoholic most of my life.

I know he has a couple wines at night but i didnt think he was drunk, he has never had angry or violent outbursts. Hes genuinely been a great dad. He is just hard to connect with emotionally and i always chalked it up to him being adopted and having issues due to that?? Idk.

A few months ago it all came to a head when my sister found him hiding drinks and it felt like my family imploded.

He refuses to go to therapy as “there is too much to unpack” and said he will see his GP in his own time. He is adamant that he needs to deal with this on his own and admits he is an alcoholic.

After this blow up he went sober but then my parents went on a vacation with friends and i knew this would cause him to relapse. And i guess i was right, i found an opened bottle of wine hidden a few days ago.

On a few occasions after he has gotten home i have heard this distinct bottle opening sound followed by a pause and then a rustling of something that sounds like a tarp. i have just been ignoring it, i guess, chalking it up to him securing the lids on the bottles of fertilisers or something. But last night i heard him go into the car and pop a mint and i just had this feeling. So i searched under the tarp in his shed area and found an opened bottle.

Idk what to do. I haven’t told my family yet. I want to speak to him first and give him the chance to tell the truth and i also want to encourage him to just go to the GP - thats literally all i want him to do right now.

Is it bad if i give him an ultimatum to either go to the GP or i will tell mum about the hidden bottles?

Sorry for long rambles my head is spinning right now :/

I've been to one meeting, about 4 years ago when I was 17 and I've been thinking about trying it out again. I'm just worried it might be weird if I went because while I do have alcoholics/addicts in my life now, it's not as severe of a problem in the way it used to be. My dad's been an alcoholic my entire life but he now lives in Virginia and has since I was a teenager so it doesn't affect me as much. I myself struggled with substance abuse from 13-16, and am now 5 years clean from fentanyl, but was sent to a rehab program that I was apart of for 2 years. I was there 5 days a week so my only friends were really other kids with the same problems I had. One of my best friends from that time overdosed and died a year ago and it's been hitting me incredibly hard recently. Would it be appropriate for me to attend? Any advice would be helpful.

Hey everyone, I just joined this sub today and I'm now writing my first post after reading a bunch of posts from other Redditors. I suppose the first thing I should do is give an overview of the situation. I've been married to my wife for almost 9 years. When we started dating in our late 20s we would go out together a couple nights a week and close down our favorite watering holes. Neither of us were daily drinkers, my problematic drinking was mostly in my late teens and 20s and I grew out of it. My wife only would drink in social settings, never at home. Meanwhile for the past 15 years, I would mainly drink with her and/or friends, though I enjoy(ed) the occasional beers while watching a game or something. We have one child, born in 2019, and she didn't have a drop of alcohol during the pregnancy. Everything seemed normal for the both of us.

Fast forward to Covid. My wife suffers from anxiety stemming from childhood trauma. Now everyone is stuck inside and there's nothing to do for a while, aside from some day trips to parks and whatnot. She hears that everyone is drinking every day during the lockdown, and all of a sudden she is on board with drinking in the house. Sure enough, her habit began then. The daily drinking didn't seem like a big deal even though I knew it was and I was enabling it. My personal use was still once or twice a week, but she was becoming a highly functional alcoholic in front of my eyes. She still wasn't a problem drinker, aside from a horrible incident at a concert which basically ruined my relationship with my cousin to this day (though nobody will admit that, we haven't been invited to hang out with them in 4 years). For the past 6 years, she drank daily, and it never really got in the way of anything. She wasn't abusive, she was a good mother, and we got along.

Rock bottom is different for everyone. Not every alcoholic is the stereotypical hobo-looking person (like Frank Gallagher for example). Her rock bottom was when her anxiety peaked this summer. She missed basically the last half of our son's baseball season and both tournaments he played in because her anxiety was too bad to leave the house. She was afraid to drive, not due to the alcohol but due to the threat of panic attacks, so she had her booze Doordashed. It was a rough couple of months for my son and I, but we made it. I've basically been a single dad since around Father's Day this summer, doing the household stuff she used to do along with my normal workload (it was always about 50/50 up to that point).

Finally, she decided that enough was enough and enrolled in detox/rehab program that was covered by insurance. She's been sober since 7/31 and I'm extremely proud of her. She has a great support system to come home to between our friends and family. We have a good friend who's been in recovery for 3 years, and she's been amazing. I am very positive that my wife will be okay in the long run. She will hopefully be flying home on Wednesday.

I wrote this post mainly because I knew it would be cathartic. I don't have all the same horror stories to share that I've read on this sub. And I don't have a ton of questions. Feel free to share any advice you have on how I should act upon her arrival, things I should do at home, whether or not I should dispose of any alcohol (I already threw out her poison, the only thing she would EVER drink, along with anything branded with their logo), etc. I joined this sub to learn from folks in similar predicaments, and I have seen so many helpful comments (even if they don't relate specific to my circumstances). Thank you in advance ya'll. This took courage but I feel better already.

I have a close friend who is fairly new to me, she is the sweetest joyful person, she’s been through a lot and we bond on our traumas, in no way is this a judgement against her but more of a concern, the trouble I’m having is I dealt with alcohol and drug addiction over a decade ago and one day I had a psychotic break and didn’t touch a thing after. I wasn’t really coached through anything or supported in my journey, so I don’t know how to offer the same support to her, in a way that won’t come off judgemental.

She’s tried to get into rehab programs but where we live has awful resources for those in need, she tries to hide it from me but I can smell it on her breath, I can smell it when she goes into the bathroom to “pee”. sometimes she tells me and sometimes she doesn’t, my concern is that she does it while she’s driving. I’m not sure if she’s only having a small amount or if she’s actually getting intoxicated behind the wheel, neither are okay but I know people have different tolerances and one drink to her could be 4 drinks for me. I don’t want her to hurt herself or someone else, and I also don’t want her to get in trouble. but I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that she might take as an attack, I’ve told her I want her to be safe and I fear for her when she does this but I think this might just make her hide it better.

I feel like my hands are tied? What can I do?

For the last few years I have mastered the fine art of detachment. Then after 24 years of marriage and clear signs that things are snowballing downhill, I did the hardest thing.. asked for a divorce. His response surprised me. He committed to quitting, getting a sponsor and working with AA.

I have never heard these words, and now find myself confused, wanting to support him, but needing to stay detached so I don’t get too invested in this recovery journey. There is nothing I want more and remain exceedingly skeptical. What are some supportive actions that can let them know this without going all in on this perilous journey? Anyone been through this? Thank you thank you!! 🙏

I started to find, hidden around the house, bottles of wine (1/2 l) and cocktail cans​, both empty and unopened. Not frequently, not in big quantities but i don't see the reason since alcohol is not taboo at all in our house. ​We usually drink when we go out, rarely at home.

She is totally functional an i never see her drunk outside of the occasional party or more intense night out. It's the hiding part that scares me. Do you think it can be the start of something bigger? Did you have similar experiences?

better yet, do they actually care about their partner?? my ex and i were “together” for a little over a year and he ghosted me all the time but he never seemed remorseful when i’d inevitably take him back every time. he’d say sorry but it never felt like he meant it. i’ve recently blocked him but now he’s showing up to the one place he knows i go. he used to avoid it when we wouldn’t be speaking but now that im the one who cut him off he just keeps showing up and now he’s showing up with other girls. did he ever care about me? did he ever feel sorry for he treated me? was it all just a ruse to make him feel wanted?? i’m just so pissed off and angry i can’t understand why he’d treat me this way alcoholic or not.

First time here and I don't really use reddit much, but I need advice.

I (F20) have been with my partner (32M) for just under a year and a half. The age gap has never been an issue for us, but I'm starting to feel like I'm giving up the rest of my life to unhappiness.

He moved in with me within a month and a half of dating, due to some external circumstances. It very quickly became clear that he had an issue with drinking and smoking weed. He would become emotional, and borderline cruel sometimes. After a while he finally agreed to quit.

It was going well, but every few months he would slip. Usually when stressed or upset, and it would always end with me holding him as he cried. He wouldn't admit to drinking while drunk though, and would more often than not polish off an entire bottle of vodka or gin.

There were times that he would take my alcohol that I had hidden in the house, and drink it all in one night. I haven't kept alcohol in the house since.

About two months ago, after another slip, I agreed to let him smoke weed again. He said he needed something to get through the days, and after the events that had happened the night before I felt like I had no other option.

He attended virtual AA meetings for a few weeks, but quickly stopped going. Hes been smoking every night, multiple times a night. Almost always high now.

Tonight he came home from work upset.

His good friend of many years has stopped texting him, and he doesn't know why. He started doing the dishes, but slamming things around while I was still working. After a few minutes I headed upstairs to our bedroom, because I could tell he needed space.

I could feel it was one of those nights where he could slip, but I am too tired to fight it anymore. To watch him. To keep catching him. I heard him go out to the car and I knew he had already been to the bottle shop.

A few hours later he wanted to hang out, but it was so clear he was wasted. I could smell it on him. I didn't want him near me anymore. But I went along, because when he's angry it scares me. He's never hurt me, but he has spoken about wanting to when he's drunk.

When he went to sleep a little later, I went back downstairs. I found the bottle of vodka in his work bag. When i find the alcohol, i never pour it out. I just can't bring myself to. I take it and relocate it, hiding it. I don't know why I do this.

Now I'm writing this post, wondering if this is finally time. I have told him I can't keep doing this. I need help.

Outside of the alcohol, hes a great partner. Supportive and smart. Ridiculously funny. Hes been my only reason to keep going when things get too bad in my own brain.

But I can't keep watching this destruction forever. I hate coming home and not knowing what I'm walking into.

Please give me some advice, I'm just so lost right now.

My Q (husband) was sober 3 months. Relapsed this past weekend. He’s been passed out the last hour and a half and I tiptoe around so I don’t wake him up and have to deal with him. I’d rather do bathtime/bedtime by myself. Do you wake your Q to force them to “participate”? Or do you cross your fingers they’ll stay passed out and leave you in peace?

An old friend of mine moved away some years back and I recently learned he's going to be moving back to the city we went to college in. I still live here and wanted to make sure I am doing what I can to support him.

While he was gone he started struggling with his alcoholism to the point that he checked himself into rehab, he's gone to AA and finished his 12 steps. All of this has happened in the last year or so.

What can I do to ensure he stays on track during the move ? What are the best ways to support him without being patronizing.

Thanks everyone

Hello, I am in the UK and a mum to two older boys. My husband has been drinking nightly for some time now.

At the start of the year his mum was here and he had been drinking, starting going on about how he 'might as well drink himself to death'. She started crying. He also said some stuff about feeling like we (me and boys) ignore him, spend too much time on our phones etc.

So then, after he had gone off to bed, she started going on to me, that I 'didn't want to hear it' (about the phones thing) and that she didn't have any sympathy for me, and I 'needed to pull myself together' (I was crying)

I ended up spending the night on my son's floor, and thinking 'this is enough' I did tell her, not to talk to me like that but I don't understand why she was joining in his blaming instead of being supportive.

I am thinking of joining and Al-anon group as there seems to be one on in a church hall near me. I take it they are helpful? Feeling guilty and blamed.

My bf texted me said
you should pick me up a few drinks.
Then I said he was full of jokes.
He says I wasn’t joking lol

Then I get home and he’s like I see you didn’t bring home drinks….

Like what the flip!? I can’t believe he asked me to.
Not something I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t do it.

I asked why and he said he was broke…..
Like for real??

I broke up with a guy once for asking me for a little gas money. I don’t play that game.

I didn’t flip on on him though I just kind of ignored him.

He was sorta smirking about it…like do you want to fight dude?

I don’t know.

I adore him we are good but I worry about how it will look in a few more years of him drinking

I’m not signing up to take care of a grown man