I’m currently an NCO in a platoon with a Soldier who is going through a MEDBOARD after being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, paranoia, and major depression. He’s been in the process a little over 3 months now. Before anybody gets the wrong idea, this Soldier is not a shitbag. Quite the opposite actually. Before all of this started he was one of our heavy hitters. First one willing to work, last one wanting to leave, always volunteering, and generally somebody you could depend on. He’s had some episodes over the years, which is actually what caused our PSG to basically tell him “Bro you need to go talk to somebody” and push him toward Behavioral Health. Since getting on medication, going to therapy, and the platoon taking some unnecessary stress off of him he’s honestly been a lot calmer and easier to work with. Then we got a new 1SG about a month ago. For whatever reason, this 1SG seems absolutely determined to find every possible loophole in this Soldier’s permanent behavioral health profile. If there is a detail this dude can technically put him on, he finds it. If there’s some small way to inconvenience him, somehow it gets discovered like we’re conducting a damn CID investigation. Instead of letting the Soldier handle his MEDBOARD requirements, treatment, and transition, it feels like 1SG is constantly trying to prove “Well technicallyyyyy the profile doesn’t say he CAN’T do this.” Our PSG has already talked to 1SG about backing off because we can all visibly see the Soldier getting worse again. The situation got a lot more serious recently. The Soldier told another Soldier that 1SG makes him want to “off himself.” He started crying and basically had a breakdown.
The second I found out, I grabbed him and took him straight to Behavioral Health. They evaluated him and released him because he wasn’t expressing current suicidal intent/ideation at the time. But regardless of him getting released, we’re watching this dude sink into depression again right in front of us but this time it seems ALOT worse. And this is what pisses me off, the platoon had finally found a decent balance with him. He was getting treatment, taking his meds, going to therapy, doing what he could within his profile and still contributing where possible. Now it feels like we’re going backwards because somebody new showed up. I understand Soldiers still have responsibilities while going through a MEDBOARD. I’m not saying put him in a bubble and let him disappear until his DD214 shows up. But at what point does constantly looking for ways around a behavioral health profile become a legitimate leadership problem? As a NCO in the platoon what options do I realistically have here? Do I keep documenting everything and continue pushing it through the PSG? Talk to the commander? Behavioral Health? Patient Advocate? PEBLO? IG if it gets bad enough? We’re trying to protect this Soldier without stepping way outside our lane but we also don’t want everybody acting shocked later if something happens when there were warning signs in the beginning of all of this.

not killing myself btw don’t worry.

Ik this is a sub for people looking for help to get out or jsut advice in general. But, I wanted to thank the people who commented on my previous post about whether or not I should join the military.

I posted In this sub around november, talking about a recruiter at my high school and how I was contemplating joining. I had posted to this sub in specific as i’m sure if I posted in the veterans sub, I would have been flooded with people telling me to join and all kinds of bullshit like that. I had talked in my previous post about me having no idea what I wanted to do with my life and how joining the military seemed like a good choice due to my circumstances. What’s scary is that I really would have probably joined If I had never posted in this sub asking for advice. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that this sub saved my life. I’m 18 now and since then I have enrolled into college for an accounting degree, got a girlfriend, and actually have a plan for my life now. I am the happiest I have been in my life right now and I have this sub to thank for it for talking me out of the military. I really just want to thank everyone who commented for giving out their advice. I am hoping that my posts can help some other Impressionable high schoolers that have no plan for their future that the military is not the choice. You will figure out something, I had spent my whole life not knowing what to do with my life and these past few months I have been able to plan my future. This is really all in thanks to my girlfriend. She’s been such a help in my life and I couldn’t have done it without her. Thank you guys once again and I’m hoping that anyone who’s currently in this hellish, corrupt military can get out soon and with their sanity. I know it’s easy for me to say but, it truly does get better ❤️‍🩹

Looking for honest advice from people who’ve been through this, and I need answers pretty urgently. I don’t regret enlisting or wanting to serve—I still want to serve. What I regret is the contract I signed. Had a bachelor’s and could’ve gone civilian OCS, but chose Active Duty enlisted because I was set on Green Beret. Now I’m stuck in a 6-year contract for one of the harder MOSs (keeping which one private). Goals changed. I want to go officer eventually, maybe Guard/Reserve later, then civilian life and family. Feel trapped by the length of the enlistment, the pay not matching what I was led to believe, and the overall pressure. On top of that I’ve been crumbling under extreme depression and anxiety every single day, plus self-harm ideation that I can’t seem to shake. Spoke with the chaplain already but I’m not getting better. Never owned up to any of this at MEPS because of the whole “don’t ask don’t tell” mindset and just wanted to push through, but feeling stuck has made it way worse. Not trying to fake a medical discharge—just being honest about what’s going on and looking hard at EPTS as a possible option.

Trying to figure out real options instead of just riding out the full contract. Looking at in-service OCS after AIT, switching to Guard/Reserve later, reclassing, or other commissioning routes. Also wondering about separation. If Active Duty stops being the right fit, what are the realistic ways out early—especially EPTS—and what a General (Under Honorable) actually does afterward? How bad does a General hit civilian jobs, federal/government work, clearances, VA/GI Bill, school, future military (Guard/Reserve or reenlist), and OCS later? Do employers even care about Honorable vs General, and is there long-term stuff that only shows up years down the road? I don’t want to ruin my career options, but I’m struggling hard and need to know what’s actually possible.

Not talking about faking symptoms, failing on purpose, or getting in trouble. If I need mental health help I want to handle it straight. Might be catastrophizing and there are more ways to change direction than I think. Anyone been through something similar—what should I look into first, how hard is it to change paths once you’re in, how realistic is Active to Guard/Reserve or enlisted to OCS with a bachelor’s, what’s the real-world impact of a General if separation happens, how did you handle depression and anxiety while in without wrecking your career, and if you were me what would you check first? Just trying to make a smart decision and not torch my future because I’m unhappy with the contract and can’t seem to get better

I guess I kinda owe this to myself and other people who are in the shoes I was once in. I remember being in the military around so much negativity and chaos, along with the bullshit lol. It's so odd because there are still habits I've been unable to get rid of. I still very easily go into fight or flight mode, I have anxiety and numbness that is not as severe but has subsided. It even feels odd when people call me by my first name... It feels like my last name is my real identity. I'm glad I got out, and although I reminisce sometimes, the benefits outweigh the costs. I remember being a young Lance corporal getting bullied... I was a scrawny guy in the military and I'm pretty short, but its crazy how fast people put others down around them who are physically smaller. Typical low IQ behavior. A lot of people switched up once I got jacked. The ass kissing to higher ranks, the idiotic grown men acting like frat kids who were staff ncos, the dudes that couldn't even read a fucking promotion warrant, and the insecure losers who pulled rank and billet. Glad I got out. Wish the best for all y'all still going through it.

Command told me the other day they are going to recommend a chapter 11. I’m at a school right after basic training and AIT and ever since the start of basic I’ve been feeling more and more depressed everyday due to family separation and better opportunities that I left behind at home. I’ve been talking to the Chaplin as well as behavioral health recently. I joined the army on a whim right after college and really had no one around me with prior military experience to kinda guide me or ask questions too. My recruiter chalked it up to be a really fun time that I would 100% enjoy so I signed my contract. I obviously wish I did more research onto what I was getting into. I thought it would get better after basic once in my school but it’s gotten even worse for me mentally and I’ve had some dark thoughts recently. Right now a getting chaptered out seems like my only hope.

My question is if they said they are recommending it what are the chances of it actually going through? I haven’t signed anything or done any paperwork for anything yet I was just told by command at this certain school about the recommendation. Should I just trust the process? Is there anything I could do now to get the ball rolling?

Mental health. Personal relationships. Aside from from a short time in trainings I have gained weight. Peace time military is just a maze of convoluted nonsense to justify this glorified job corps. Team building is not that fucking important. You think NASA put people on the moon working together because they all did push ups together? All the sports movies leadership seems to love have one thing in common: those people chose to join the team because they wanted to do the sport. Everyone here has a different end goal. I'm sick of the extra nonsense Im expected to attend. Drive 6 hours for a graduation every 3 months. Group work outs before I can go home. Plan a pizza party.

I feel like it’s a miracle I have made it this far, but now I’m 9 months out from separation. I joined the USCG a few weeks after HS graduation, after not making the cut for USCGA, thinking that “I could just reapply as a prior enlisted man; the other academies have spots saved.” I entered a branch that isn't the best for a sheltered 18-year-old from nowhere. I was sent to a unit to do a job that I had no idea what I was doing mid deployment, I was bullied relentless verbally and sometimes physically. I can't sleep at night because of that shit. I eventually went to a job school that I was great at in school but terrible at in the fleet. I chose a shoreside assignment in the midwest thinking it would be a nice quiet transition but it's the same shirt. I have my college applications in; I’ve been talking with my 2 dream schools for about 2 years now. I am slated to get something positive back from them, and I’m 9 months away from returning to my family, who are ready for me to end this long-distance relationship. It’s hard because, as bad as it sounds, I don’t care anymore about qualifications, advancement, the PQs, people's power-tripping and micromanaging, trying to invade my personal life, getting written up for literally everything, and actually finally getting help and dealing with my trauma/PTSD/anxiety. I'll take any advice I can get

I think that everybody has the right to say: "I made a mistake, military life is not for me" and instead off being a mediocre military, I want get out and explore other things in civilian life. Military doesn't necessarily give you purpose. Purpose is inside you, discover your strengths and Interests! We call the process of individuation (C.G.Jung)

So me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for a few years and this is something that keeps coming back up in our relationship.
He has thought about joining the military since he was around 18. Some stuff happened before he met me that made him change his mind about joining, or at least thats what I thought.

I come from a military family and because of my own personal experiences, I have always said I do not want to be a military wife. This was something I was very upfront about before we even got serious. I have a couple things that are basically nonnegotiable for me in relationships. I don't like lying, I don't like cheating, and I don't want to be a military wife lol.

When we first met he told me one of his biggest dreams had been joining the military. Obviously that kinda sucked because I was starting to really like this man and immediately we're already bumping into one of my biggest boundaries 😭. But he assured me that he had changed his mind and it wasn't something he wanted anymore.

Obviously that wasn't completely true because here we are years later and the conversation still comes up.
I'm not posting this because I want people to tell me I'm right and he's wrong. I actually came here because I've been reading this subreddit a lot and I see so many different experiences from people who joined. Some people seem like joining was one of the best decisions they ever made and other people regret joining completely.

One of the biggest things my boyfriend keeps telling me is that he feels like joining would finally give him a sense of purpose. He feels lost right now and like he hasn't really found his place in the world yet. He has interests in things like law enforcement/criminal justice and currently works security, but in his mind none of those things would give him the same experience or foundation that the military would.
I think this is the part I'm struggling to understand.

For the people here who joined because you felt lost or because you were looking for purpose, did the military actually give you that?
Did you feel like you suddenly had direction once you joined? Did that sense of purpose come over time? Or did you eventually realize that joining didn't fix that feeling and you still had to figure out what you wanted from life?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who were around our age when they joined and genuinely thought "this is what I'm missing."
I'm not trying to convince him that the military is horrible or that nobody should join. I'm also not trying to manipulate him into staying with me instead of joining. At the end of the day he's an adult and can make whatever decision he feels is right for his life, just like I can decide what I'm willing to have in mine.

I just want to better understand where he's coming from and whether the military really can provide that sense of purpose he's looking for, or if he's putting the military on a pedestal because he's feeling lost right now.
I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have actually been in that position.

I'm making this to vent my frustrations, because I really have no one to say any of this to. I made a really bad decision joining the military. It was a knee jerk decision to get out of my parents' home and I've been regretting for over 4 years. I was separated involuntarily 6 months ago and honestly, its been hell. I struggled to find a job and ended up living in my car for months. This probably makes no sense to some of you but, honestly sometimes I feel like I'm cursed to being a below average human who can do nothing right. I didn't save enough money and really couldn't figure out how to lock down employment to escape my situation. I eventually reached out to a local veterans organization who was able to help me find employers and get me into a stable situation. I was behind on car payments obviously and ended up having my car repossessed in the night. Now I have no transportation and will have to find another way to work. I was trying to come up with some money to get my car payments back on track and it ended up happening too fast. It feels like I'm destined to be a loser. My record will be effected by this for a long time and I have no one to blame but myself for not having the life skills to fix things. That car was my home for months and I lost it because I wasn't good enough for the military. I wish I could go back in time and change things but all I can do is accept the present and try to make a better future. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever escape this hole I keep digging myself into. I'll most likely never make enough money to get that car back and it's all my fault. For anyone who's reading this in a better position than me, I wish I was you so bad. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

No one ever talks about how mentally fucked it is. To join the military with an active war going on, with the intentions of dying and when that doesn't work out. You try and take your own life, but fuck me that doesn't work either. Now im stuck here living a life I never intended on living wondering what in the hell do I do now.

I did not come here to be insulted, just to ask for a polite opinion. Thanks recruits!

Post in full:

(Please keep responses non-political IAW the rules, hope I don’t get eviscerated in the comments)

I was active duty for about 8 years and have been in the same field as a military contractor for 14 years. It’s a career that’s high stakes and requires a nuanced understanding of US foreign policy. I’ve noticed over the years that other veterans seem to turn on you if don’t display the “right” kind of positions and act a certain way. Even though that’s literally what my job requires to be effective. People will be all buddy buddy until you say something that contradicts their worldview and then dudes who have even less of a service record will start attacking mine.

As a non-controversial example: most of my first line supervisors and professional mentors over the years have been women (like the top 10% baddest of the badass). Mention this to some vets and they’ll actively get mad.

It’s gotten so bad I don’t feel welcome in most veteran spaces and have largely given up. I don’t feel like I can talk honestly with anyone about my experiences.

I’ve been strongly encouraged to see an actual shrink for PTSD and will need to try the VA because my next company provided healthcare will be months from now. I’m dreading it because I don’t want to face the same kind of rejection from someone I’m trying to get help from.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Do you have any advice? Thanks in advance

End quote.

the removal recommended posting to r/regretjoining and I feel like it just exemplifies exactly what I was talking about. It’s so disheartening. It feels like I spent the majority of my adult life thinking I was serving the public good and then get kicked to the curb the second I don’t tow the party line. What’s happening?

This young man (ROTC) during high school joined NAVY. During bootcamp broke his leg one week before graduation. Is at hospital for the next 2 months. The mystique disappeared and doesn't want to continue. Wants to return home and enter the university. Suddenly found that the military life is not for him. Thinks was a mistake. Has the total support of his family although he is over 18 years old. How difficult is this. Can somebody realize that eventually took the wrong path and want to go to another direction to feel fulfillment and produce to the society in another way? WHY NOT?

It's been 14 years since I left active duty in 2012, and I'm new to Reddit. I joined because I'd like to reconnect with other veterans and hear some honest perspectives about the transition from military to civilian life.

Looking back, I know everyone's experience is different. Some people transition smoothly, while others struggle with things they never expected—finding work, translating military experience, adjusting to civilian culture, losing the camaraderie, finding a new sense of purpose, or simply figuring out what's next.

I'm interested in hearing the real stories—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If you've transitioned out, what was your experience really like? What was harder than you expected? What went better than you expected? And if you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice before separating, what would it be?

I'm genuinely here to listen and learn from other veterans' experiences. Honest answers are appreciated.

This young man (ROTC) during high school joined NAVY. During bootcamp broke his leg one week before graduation. Is at hospital for the next 2 months. The mystique disappeared and doesn't want to continue. Wants to return home and enter the university. Suddenly found that the military life is not for him. Thinks was a mistake. Has the total support of his family although he is over 18 years old. How difficult is this. Can somebody realize that eventually took the wrong path and want to go to another direction to feel fulfillment and produce to the society in another way? WHY NOT?

This young man (ROTC) during high school joined NAVY. During bootcamp broke his leg one week before graduation. Is at hospital for the next 2 months. The mystique disappeared and doesn't want to continue. Wants to return home and enter the university. Suddenly found that the military life is not for him. Thinks was a mistake. Has the total support of his family although he is over 18 years old. How difficult is this. Can somebody realize that eventually took the wrong path and want to go to another direction to feel fulfillment and produce to the society in another way? WHY NOT?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]