I’ve noticed that a lot of things that used to feel really important just… stopped mattering.

What people think of me.
Trying to impress everyone.
Having the “right” clothes or stuff.
Feeling like I needed to prove I was doing well.

It’s funny because when you’re younger, some of these things feel like they’re going to matter forever.

Then one day you realize you genuinely don’t care anymore.

What’s something you stopped caring about as you got older?

my bf wasnt crazy about my looks when we met, but apparently now he is?

he says getting to know me and falling in love with me it happened slowly

he said its 'this is the first time ive ever gotten to know someone and it just made them beautiful, usually i go with instant attraction but this is really nice'

and like it was sweet, but at the same time im really unsure of how to feel about it

do you think relationships built off instant attraction are better?

Here is my situation.

29 years old failed athletic career.

Failed sales career due to company restructure/ things outside of my control. Made a decision to pivot into IT/ had to move back in with my mom. I’m in my second IT role now and I have my own place again. I make 85k a year, which isn’t great but I’m able to pay the bills.

The part that is grim for me in my life is that I am 100% isolated. I have no friends, no women whatsoever. My weekends are spent by myself in my apartment playing video games studying or at the gym.

I have no one around me or in my life that gives a shit about me. I haven’t really been successful at anything in my life either. I also would love to have a family one day but that may not be possible due to me being so bad.

I don’t know what to do. What do I do to change?

How do I get my shit together? I have not been able to do anything good in my life and I want to have some type of value.

Hi, 22M, I've never been on a date, had a relationship, had sex etc. My sole experience with women is having kissing at a club. I'll be honest, it's getting to me.

Recently I had a brief period of talking to a woman who i thought liked me only to get rejected. Even though I've always been fine single that brief period has thrown me off so bad. Having felt the way I felt when I thought someone wanted me and having lost that feeling only left a void in me that I previously never noted.

Now is my current predicament. I want to try dating for real, but my prospects are extremely dry. I don't have many female friends, and most of them are taken or otherwise unavailable, I have floated the idea of being introduced to people through my friends, but my friends pretty much exclusively give me the 'if' treatment on it. "Oh if I knew someone then I'd set you up...". Of course no one seems to actually know that someone. I'll be straight up: I am not handsome enough for dating apps, I am short and overweight. My hobbies aren't conducive to meeting new people either, and I like to do my hobbies

alone.

My friends keep insisting that the way to find someone is to put the 'truest version of myself' out there, but my conflict is that the truest version of myself does not mingle well with being put out there, he prefers his own little corner of the world. Nonetheless I still want to date people and the continuous idea of being alone has honestly grown depressing.

I would appreciate your answers and experiences, how did that finally happened? And are you satisfied?

​

Me and him, we met online September 2025. Met in real life December 2025.

We quickly started to text daily and talk for hours and stuff. He talked In the very beginning about me moving to his country. I had such high hopes because I live on small town and being with him would be the best. We quickly started to text nonstop, saying how we care about each other. It seemed like he would want be there.

In February this year he told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in any relationship because he needs to fix himself and "he knows he is mean to me sometimes and he says something and regrets it" and stuff.

He Has been doing drugs every weekend. But he did them before we met. Everytime after hungover he says he feels like shit and loser. He tells me he Has inner demons "no one and nothing could fix"

I've told him many times that I "take him" the way he is and that he is perfect. I support him with very good words saying how valuable he is.

He told me once I'm "too valuable for him".

In the very beginning he said he would want this to work but he knows he has a tough personality.

He would sometimes get mean, and sometimes apologize for talking like that. When we met everything was good and he didnt ghost me afterwards or something.

I am younger than him and attractive. He is also attractive.

But he always says he feels like a loser. Abuses drugs and alcohol too. In the beginning talked about me moving to him and stuff, and that I "awakened something in him he didnt feel for a long time".

I asked him lately about that and he said " yeah because IT was true but then I think about what a loser I am".

This Has been going for months. Everytime I ask to meet, he says we will see, i don't know, and stuff. Later he said he was embarassed of himself that's why he didnt meet with me.

We fall asleep on the phone together sometimes, facetime. Yesterday we facetimed, I showed him myself in lingerie ( hoping this would "convince him...") looking very good and he watched and I could tell he loved what he saw. He even acnowledged it the next day and talked about this today.

I asked today if we can meet this weekend and he said no, he Has to rest.

I asked about next weekend and he said he doesn't know, he will think. That hurt me the most. Its a week. Plenty of time. And still he says I don't know.

Last week he was also supposed to think about it and he told me no this week. Got angry that I kept asking.

I announced "i'm coming on Friday 😇" and he said i cannot announce that im coming because he won't open the door if he didnt agree to meeting.

I told him I understand he doesnt want relationship but I just want to meet with him. I guess if he doesnt want relationship, he thinks after being close I would demand more. And I've told him I won't Ask "what are we" or something afterwards. I explained IT to him.

He is single and lives alone. I think the problem is drugs and low self esteem and He drinks lately. He says he Has problems

But why would he resist seeing me? It hurts so much because he always says he will think about it and he delays it and delays it. Also he says I'm important to him.

He told me some time ago to focus on something or someone else because he knows how bad he is.

I acnowledged his fears and sent him a voice notes saying it hurts me because I always ask why not and he never tells me. He says its not because of me.

I also told him I want to support him but meeting would be just a nice weekend. And he doesnt have to be ashamed or something.

What is important he told me when we slept on the phone lately that he felt good with me when I was there at his place, not only in bed but overall.

What do you think is the core problem here?

His fear of me abandoning him?(I would never, I care about this guy so much)

Low self esteem? He says he gets worse(But we met already)

Being shy? As I said , we met.

He said meeting with me is a "whole endeavor" - maybe thinks he needs to appear at his best?

I don't understand because he was in relationships before. So why me?

He still texts me and calls and everything.

And my main question to you is - how do I approach him and ask him what is the reason. Because he never tells me. How?

His birthday is on Saturday. Today is Friday. He already said no to this weekend. He said maybe his mom will visit him. And if she doesnt he will be there alone. Should I Ask him again if I can come tommorow? Or this is just too desperate

TLDR; long distance. me (26f) and a man (37m) we have contact for a year but he Has addictions and low self esteem. Could it be reason he doesnt want to meet me? We met once.

I’ve noticed that I keep waiting to feel 100% certain before making bigger decisions.

New job, moving somewhere, ending something that isn’t working, starting something completely different...

There’s always a reason to wait another few months.

But I’m starting to think that “feeling ready” might not actually happen. At some point you just have to make the decision and deal with the uncertainty that comes with it.

For the older guys here, how did you know when it was time to stop overthinking and actually make the change?

I am totally at fault in this situation and I am so deeply sorry for how I hurt her. In the beginning we both agreed to nothing serious but overtime it was clearly more than casual . I could tell that she wanted a relationship, but I constantly pushed her away due to my own faults . When I’m with her I feel so happy and I can tell that she honestly loves me , but parts of me just can’t commit and I’m hesitant that she is the correct person to me . A couple days ago she told me how she wishes she could change herself so I could finally commit to her and that fucking killed me. A day later we cried for 6 hours as I told her that we should stop what we are doing with each other. This girl did absolutely nothing wrong and I feel like the worst person on the planet for causing her so much pain. I made her fall in love with me and I was unwilling to love her back . But now I miss her so much and thinking of being in a relationship with her now to give it a shot but also to stop her pain . I am totally lost right now and just needed to rant. I feel incredibly awful about this situation and I know I am at fault. Is there anything I can do to lessen her pain because she is honestly amazing .

New to this sub, i got a strong curious over an erection dilemma. I am a 20 year old male who, after ejaculation (only during intercourse), keeps an erection throughout my refractory period, if stimulation still occurs. Many like to state this due to age, however I'm pretty sure there is something different occurring. I surveyed many friends of my age, and others don't find themselves in my shoes. Does anyone else deal with the same thing?

I cannot finish a second time, and my genitalia feels a bit sensitive, however i can easily hold the erection for another 30 minutes or more. Is there a name for this, how common or rare is it?

I'm 29, I had social phobia since 5, my psychiatrist and I are currently trying to get a recovery/disability assistance package from the government, I'm waiting for an appointment with a social worker so he can assist us in getting it.

I live in Israel, as someone who doesn't want kids, and as someone who is the complete opposite from the rest of the people here, constantly feeling like a stranger.

I never dated (technically had a "date", I don't count it), never kissed (technically a woman kissed me and then let a heart-breaking disappointing sigh because she was shocked I didn't know how, even though she knew I didn't know how), and am honestly at my wits end.

A couple months ago I quit a Warhammer RP group because of a question that paralyzed me during our remote session over zoom: "what kind of mage are you?". I couldn't speak, they said they'll come back to me, meanwhile I locked myself in the bathroom for one hour or two, laid on the floor, and waited to calm down. I quit the group shortly after.

The group had 2 of my friends, and 3 strangers, we also did regular sessions not over zoom.

"Selective Mutism" looks like the closest thing to what my actual problem is, among a myriad of other problems.

There's a decent chance my problem might never go away.

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Update 1: The problem isn't gendered, and I have platonic female friends.

Especially if he is older say in his 60’s. What if he is also middle eastern and Muslim but not religious. Would that make a difference or no? I don’t want to offend him.

I'm 29 and have a pretty good job. I moved out of my parents' house when I was 22 and honestly things have been good for me. I've been able to save some money and generally live comfortably.

The issue is my parents. They've always struggled with money. My dad had a few bad business ventures and my mom has never really worked full-time. Since I started working, it's always been me chipping in for things. At first it was small stuff like groceries or helping with a utility bill. I didn't mind. They raised me and I wanted to help out.

But it's gotten to the point where it feels like they expect me to cover their shortfalls every month. I'm talking about rent car payments even their medical bills sometimes. I don't have siblings so it's all on me. I've tried to talk to them about budgeting or looking for other income but they just brush it off or get defensive.

I love them but I'm starting to resent it. I want to buy a house someday or at least feel like I can plan for my own future without having this constant weight. I feel guilty even thinking about saying no to them but it's impacting my own financial stability and mental health. I'm always stressed about their next call or text asking for money.

Is this normal? Am I being selfish for wanting to put myself first for once? How do I even approach this without completely alienating them?

I (24F) have had a thing for a coworker (25M) for a while. We’ve known each other for about 2 years and there’s always been a bit of a vibe, but he had a girlfriend until recently.

He’s been single for a few months now and we finally hooked up after our work ball. We spent basically the whole night together, went home together, etc.

Since then he hasn’t been weird or distant at all. He messages me random stuff, we have banter, we got dinner together, he’s tried to see me, etc. He also teases me about being a bit of a “party girl” and I feel like he’s quite intrigued by me.

He was actually going to come out with us last night but got sick, and was still messaging me random stuff. Today he messaged asking how my night was and we had a bit of banter.

He’s now going away for a week skiing with his friends, watching sports, going out etc. He’s also moving overseas in about 8 months, and he’s only recently got out of a relationship, so there are obviously a few things that could make him unsure about getting into anything.

The thing I’m wondering about is whether I should give him some space while he’s away to actually figure out what he wants, or whether I should message him if I want to talk to him.

I genuinely want to talk to him while he’s away, but I don’t want to be constantly initiating and trying to keep his interest alive. At the same time, I’m not sure I’ve actually made it clear enough that I’m really into him.

Our last Instagram conversation technically ended with me leaving him on read. We then kept talking on Teams, and a few times he’s actually suggested moving the conversation over to Instagram, so now I’m wondering if he could interpret me not replying as me brushing him off. There wasn’t really a natural reply to his last Insta message though.

I’ve definitely given him some signals — we hooked up, I’ve reciprocated the flirting, spent basically the whole night with him, got dinner together, etc. — but I’m not sure if that’s enough for him to know that I actually like him and would be interested in seeing where this goes.

So what do you think?

Is it better to give him space while he’s away so he can miss me / figure out what he wants, or should I just message him naturally if I want to talk to him? And do you think I’ve already made it clear enough that I’m into him, or should I make that clearer?

Also am I being insane for worrying that he’s going to go skiing, get some space, realise he’s just got out of a relationship, and this is a bad idea?

Put in “” because it’s a real thing but it feels like this is the new buzzword this last year or two when it comes to dating. I’m not even on the market but it makes me feel like pulling my hair out when people say “oh I could never be with this person because I have anxious attachment” or “you deserve someone better than an avoidant attachment”

It seems like everyone is being put in these little boxes, ascribed some stereotypes, and then used as justification for their behavior towards that person.

I can think of a multitude of times where I might’ve exhibited behavior that could fit either description, and yet still hold that a majority of the time I’m neither.

Therapy speak just starts to feel like an easy way to justify how you feel and what you do whether you’re right or wrong. Am I the only one that feels this way?

Hello,

How can i accept that my body is enough ?

The " perfect " body is usually the same on insta, porn... : thin waist, no belly, medium/big boobs and ass.

I ( F, 30 ) dont have all of that and im feeling like i cant be sexy. A lot of girls have better body than mine. Im looking at their body ( " she have nice boobs ", " her stomach is perfectly flat "... ) and end up being jealous of teenager which is pathetic.

I know that love can make a lot of things attractive and " men love boobs they are allowed to touch " but i dont want to be settled. I want to be sexy, having the perfect body and men thinking " she is so hot '. I dont want my men to prefer other body and sleeping with me because he loves me. I want to be chosen for my body ( even if i know its bad ). I was very skinny with small boobs when i was younger. I still have small boobs and a bit of a stomach. Not sexy. Maybe cute. If my stomach is not perfectly flat which it isnt since im not a teenager, i feel fat.

How can i accept that i will never have the " porn body " ? Are you disappoint that your gf is not as hot as a 10/10 ? Are you feeling that you miss something ?

I'm in relationship for 2 years, and it starting to feel unfair... My girl see this posts "bareminimum" and perfect relationship posts and every time she wants to change who I am. So I can "fit" her perfect man. While I love her for all her flaws and imperfections and accept her for who she is.

What hurts is that she doesn't even appreciate the changes I made so I can be her perfect man. Every time she shows to me that I am never enough (She keeps gaslighting me that "Nobody forced you to change...." which is true, but I just wanted a little word of affirmation)

What's worse... is I get this realization, if she is sad the relationship ends but when I'm sad I have to man up and do better (like I'm the only one fighting for the relationship)

My gf (27) and I (28) have been friends for almost 4 years. We met when we lived in different cities through mutual friends at a house music show and hit it off immediately. We started texting super frequently and getting to know everything about each other. Despite her not living in my city, she’d visit alot and we’d see each other often, often going to music events. Over the first year and a half, we became very good friends and I was always trying to take her out etc whenever she was in town, but she kind of resisted and we remained just good friends.

Over time things changed and we started hooking up while she was still long distance, and end of 2024 we started dating officially, still long distance. Things were great and she’d stay at mine for long periods whenever she visited, most of our time was around going out, late nights, partying, etc. Sex life was great as well. My parents met her once and did not like her.

Overall I noticed that she could be very reactive and quick to anger and to get overwhelmed over little things, she could kind of snap at me easily, and overall could be kind of a hater but I loved her so it was fine. I am a very easygoing, social guy and we definitely differ in that way. She is not easygoing and would easily get frustrated over minor things (if it was hot and humid out, if I was late to something 10 min, etc) which was annoying but I dealt with it. She also was/is a party girl, chronically online, travelling constantly, etc not necessarily a problem but not usually what I am drawn to. I love going out but the whole social clout side of it not a lot.

She was fun and social and slowly all my friends became her friends. I am not a jealous guy so when she’d go out back home or travelling with people late nights I didn’t care because I trusted her and to my knowledge there was never any infidelity nor did I expect there to be.

I visited her at her parents house two times in the spring of 2025, and then she finally got a job in my city. However when she moved, things went south. She had some family stuff going on and our sex life went south, felt like I was dating a friend and I brought it up after some time.

We broke up for a few months during which I started a new job in Finance, got into fitness, and made new friends outside our circle. It felt great focusing on myself and not having to do anything I didn’t want to do. Started dating around a little. During my new job I realized that I have a high functioning career and she doensn’t really seem to care about hers long term, which has slowly become something I don’t like about her.

Given our social circles, I started seeing her out again and one thing led to another and we got back together end of last year. Figured why not give it another shot. However, this year has been rough. Constant fighting over stupid shit, ups and downs in our sex life, we finally did a eurotrip together with friends for a wedding and it was constant bickering, no intimacy, all for nothing in particular. We’d talk and move on but it feels like over the last few months I’ve disconnected.

I’ve felt lately that I’m putting up a facade and I’m just not happy with things now. I am not perfect and have def fucked up in the relationship, but I’ve never been unfaithful and always said yes to her for stuff. She doesn’t treat me bad per se but it’s the sum of like little comments, shooting down things I like, little things that add up.

Lately it feels like I’m just the guy to pay for her meals and drinks, on occasion she’s joked that I’m her “wallet”. A lot of her friends are in the music scene and dj so I suspect it’s that lifestyle rubbing off on her. After getting back together, ironically, I’ve realized we’re not as compatible as I thought. When we were broken up I felt like I was thriving and it gave me pause to get back together. Her sex drive is almost nonexistent according to her, when we’ve had discussions about intimacy that I’ve brought up. She never initiates sex despite me asking, and I’ve honestly felt my attraction taking a hit given I’m always the one to start. Lately it feels like the passion is only there when we’re drunk, when she’s as likely to fuck me as fight with me.

We went out to dinner this week and sitting there talking I was thinking if I see this in the long term. I do not go out and party like I used to, I’ve picked up fitness and self care more than in the last, but it still feels like she’s in her just moved to the city party girl era talking about house shows months from now, etc. It feels like the common ground under us has shifted and we’re on different paths.

This is the most serious relationship I’ve been in and I do love her, but I am struggling to voice how I feel. I definitely do need to talk to her but not sure how to frame it. Does anyone have any advice?

TLDR: relationship based on common interests and initial compatibility has shifted. Doesn’t feel like I am myself in it anymore and starting to not see a future. Not sure how to bring this up tactfully

This is a spin off of a previous post that I wrote in a women’s sub. However I didn’t get much advice, so now i’m re-writing this for a different sub. I’m a 33 woman.

After some conversations with my close friends and therapist, I have recently found out that I have a very high libido. This doesn’t seem to match with my current partner and i’m not sure how to navigate. We were long distance, but finally moved in together recently.

I find that i’m in the mood all the time, but I’d feel like a burden if I initiated sex with him too much. Sometimes I think I have brain fog cause I’m just lonely or craving intimacy. But I end up pushing it away cause it doesn’t seem like he’s interested as much as I am. He loves me and he has mentioned that my body is just fine, but he can be aloof. To elaborate on this, I sometimes make subconscious comments about my body and he says I don’t need to gain/lose any weight and I shouldn’t het surgeries or whatever, that i’m perfect just the way I am. But he never initiates anything (no cuddles or sex) i’m always the one to initiate. It makes me feel like i’m annoying. He never calls me “sexy” or “hot”. He only calls me “cute”.

We’re quick to fall asleep at night, and he’s eager to leave the bed when we wake up in the morning. I just don’t know when is the perfect time to be slow and intimate with him. And sometimes I feel like a freak or a whore for having the thoughts of wanting it like I do. (Having trouble with the words here/ i have lack of better wording). I don’t think he’s asexual, cause he loves anime girls, anime porn (?) and always makes a lot of sexual jokes. He loves staring at anime figures and I know he really appreciates the female form. Ive brought that up in therapy, and it rubs me the wrong way, BUT I just chalked it up to me having self-esteem problems.

My previous relationship was also lacking passion. Even to the point where I was getting rejected for sex and it hurt me deeply. I’m afraid of being in these relationships where I’m not alone, but still feeling lonely (if that makes sense). People have suggested to just keep initiating, but 1. I don’t want to be a monster/annoying/a burden, and 2. I want to be desired too… i really enjoy it when a man takes the lead and worships me or wants to delight in me.

If I’m not even wanted this way, i’m starting to think that my body is not good enough.

Since we moved in, I just want to love my bf. But I suddenly felt scared of bothering too much by being all over him. I feel annoying a lot of times. (even to the point where i feel annoying just trying to cuddle) i get affection and tender care, but I never get the passion that I want. I understand that we may need time to adjust to our new living situations. But my brain overthinks and now I can’t help but wonder if this person even likes me in that way.

I can continue to bring this up in therapy, but I feel like I’ve already heard all the responses from the therapist already. (I see them again this month). I also know I should have a conversation with my bf at some point, but I’m afraid to begin the conversation, especially if it feels like imm just accusing him of not loving me. He’s very logical and reserved and sometimes I feel like i’m just worrying over nothing. I tend to beat myself up and become a doormat, which solves nothing.

If I keep typing, this will just turn into a ramble. So… advice?

I am going to dinner with this girl I like soon. Please give me advice on what to wear how to act and what to do.

I work at a restaurant and sometimes don’t get home till around 2 in the morning, the issue is my mom gets up at 4am for work and we wait up until I get home and then yell at me for her losing sleep. I’m 21 and am working on moving out, but currently can’t afford to

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and she's single mom. I'm the step-dad per say bc I've been around her toddler already, and we lived together for a few months. Now I WFH but im not getting the progress I need and I have this opportunity where I can be in an office in AZ where all the top people are in my field, so they can absolutely help me propel my career, help me make more money, and I need to do well in the business since I'm not doing so well financially currently.

If I choose to be with her and continue to WFH, I'll be by myself, learning everything by myself, slowing my progress and in turn won't be making money as soon and as much as I want (commision based job), but if leave and do long distance for 6+ months or longer, I'd be without the girl that I love and loves me, that takes care of me, also be without my step-son that I adore. She's really good to me like everything you want in wife as a man but I'm also thinking about how I could be making more money if im in AZ, and i really need to make money. As men, you know how important being in a community of like-minded men is. Been thinking about this for a while and need some advice. Thanks Gents.

Edit: She can't move with me bc the father is still around and by moving with me that means taking the kid away from the father. And it's not a job where I could get fired, it's 1099 (independent contractor) and I have good standing with the agency.