I'm in university and working on my thesis, i have two tutors. One of them really doesn't like for a reason that i cannot discover. He was very important since i really like his teaching and classes and as someone i have read all of their books. But for all the years i've known him, he has never seeked out to talk with me. Has ignored all my e-mails, even some really important ones, in which i really needed help with my thesis. He is important as someone that i really admire, care about and that i can't really scape from because he tutors my work and is basically one of the few people in the university that researches my topic.

My relationship with this person has forever been one sided. In social situations i've seeked him to talk about various topics, but he either doesn't reply or actively leaves the conversation.

Anyway, i'm in need of ways to boost my confidence into being ok with being disliked by someone i admire.

I'm in my late twenties and a few years ago I used to work at my dream job. Literally loved my work and the company I worked for so much. Then, they hired a director above me who turned out to be a bully. I reported her multiple times, she retaliated by isolating me more and more, spreading rumors about me, and gaslighting me. I didn't realize about the rumors she had spread until it was too late and I was handed a legal document saying I was guilty of bullying coworkers and messing up work. All the examples they provided in the document were things I had evidence of her saying. I refused to sign the contract and provided them all my evidence with my resignation. No one read the evidence, but they accepted my resignation. I was too burnt out by that point to even consider taking any legal action. I just wanted to escape.

A few years have passed, and I've struggled to stop giving a fuck about the rumors they spread about me and how easily my friends and colleagues were able to believe those rumors. I think the pain is exacerbated by the fact that the owners of the company and some of my colleagues have become celebrities (minor celebs but still... they work with celebrities like Chappell Roan and Reese Witherspoon). It hurts to see people who were cruel to me do so well in life. I loved the industry I was in, but it was very niche and very competitive. Years of attempting to network and work my way back in has proved nearly impossible.

How do I stop giving a fuck about all of this when it's still affecting my career and financial livelihood? Getting over random colleagues believing the lies about me has been easier to let go off than seeing my bullies soar professionally. That part, coupled with the fact that I haven't been able to find a single job I love doing as much or that pays as much as my old job, has been gut-wrenching.

TLDR: Professional bullies are now minor celebrities working with bigger and more powerful celebrities, while I've not been able to break back into the industry or find a job that comes as naturally to me.

I have this... horrible thing where I feel nothing but emptiness all the time. Yeah, it's depression, and I have treatment for it, but it's like... I'm super close to losing everything I have and I just... can't care. Financial BS being one thing, I want to do doordash but here's whats going on in my head:

1. I hate driving

2. People are stupid on the road

3. I have legitimate health issues where I get intense dizzy spells or complete dissociation

4. I'm worried I won't be able to keep up

5. I'm worried the way I'll be treated as a Trans person. I know its contactless but I guess I'm just afraid of the off chance.

I just wanna stop letting my trauma and experiences and minor fears kill me. I'm at a point where I feel like death is preferable to life.

Let go of your "what ifs"
Stay present.

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Let go of your "what ifs"
Stay present.

Just started the semester and I’m already reminded of how lonely I am when I see people becoming friends on the spot and giving each other their phone numbers. It’s impossible for me to make friends because I’m inherently unlikeable and unsociable. I also want to be able to focus on my studies without the unhelpful background noise in my head about being lonely and friendless and ugly.